Council Steams, Mr. Burke Golfs

Kevin Burke, the [lugubrious leader of Consolidated Edison], declined today to attend the City Council meeting convened to discuss the ramifications of last month’s steam pipe explosion which killed one, injured many more, and brought business to a halt in the city’s hub surrounding Grand Central.

Burke, who reportedly received a thoroughly drubbing at the hands of the Council last summer after [Queens unexpectedly returned to the Dark Ages], nonetheless enjoys the support of Con Ed’s investors—despite the chaos of the past few weeks, Con Ed’s profits have increased by almost 25 percent since the second quarter of last year.

Although [City Council members seemed irked] that Mr. Burke couldn’t be bothered to attend the proposed get-together, the mayor has so far continued to support Con Ed and its chief executive. Today the New York Sun quoted Mr. Kenneth Theobalds, an executive at Energy Nuclear Northeast (another energy corporation), as saying that the mayor’s support for Mr. Burke must rest on “something he sees, objective reality.” Objective Reality was, as usual, unavailable for comment.

Reports that Mr. Burke is missing and has actually been replaced by a 6 million gigawatt [malevolent supercomputer named SkyNet](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skynet_(fictional)) are as yet unconfirmed.