Crime Blotter

WORKERS OF THE WORLD, GET STABBY!

Ignoring the rules of logic, common sense and irony a few weekends ago, Thomas Woods, 59, set fire to a rug in his Fire Island home. Then he made a wager with his roommate that he could stay inside the burning house longer. Woods won the bet after his roommate fled to a neighbor's house to call 911. Sadly, he wasn't able to savor his victory for long, given that he died in the blaze. Local police suspect that alcohol might have been involved.

Two 13-year-old boys were playing outside IS 116 in the Bronx last Monday when they were both shot with a BB gun. One boy was struck in the shoulder, the other in the wrist. Police believe that the assailant might have been shooting from a nearby building. (Don't laugh—we've been shot with BB guns plenty of times, and those things can really sting.)

A DOT worker in Queens, upset over his newly extended shift hours, asked his supervisor if maybe he could head home early on Monday night. When the supervisor refused, a dust-up ensued and 29-year-old Richard Giallanzo acted out everyone's secret fantasy by plunging a knife into his boss' chest. The 40-year-old supervisor wasn't seriously injured, and Giallanzo was arrested the following day, charged with second degree assault; he's also lost his job.

Whether or not a crime actually occurred on the G platform in Greenpoint on the morning of April 20 is still up in the air. When the train pulled into the station, 59-year-old Monika Szarejko was standing in a crowd of commuters, waiting to board the last car. When a burly, middle-aged man in a denim jacket got off the train, he either bumped into her accidentally or deliberately stuck out his elbow and shoved her. Whatever the case (Szarejko is convinced of the latter), the grandmother lost her balance and tumbled to the tracks behind the train. The man walked away. She suffered minor injuries, and several commuters helped her back up to the platform. Then she began sharing her tale of woe with anyone who would listen.

Figuring out how to get an ATM machine unbolted from the floor, back to the van, then up the stairs to your apartment without anybody seeing can be a huge pain in the ass. And even after you get it home, there's that next problem of trying to figure out how to crack the damn thing open. Alfonso Manzo decided to forgo that first part altogether by simply bringing his crowbars and a chainsaw with him to the bank.

Early last Tuesday morning, police on Staten Island noticed a funny sound coming out of the Richmond County Savings Bank. There normally isn't much chainsawing going on in there during non-business hours, so they decided to investigate. As they approached, Manzo bolted, dropping the crowbars and chainsaw. He was captured shortly thereafter. He's been charged with burglary, criminal mischief and possession of burglary tools.