And Then There Were Three...

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The Spanish Elf, Tony Peña, who’s ears are the pointiest object in the public eye since Madonna’s Cone Bra circa the Blond Ambition Tour (click on next link for a pic of Pena’s ears), [finished his interview] with the Yankees yesterday, concluding the interview process for the team’s managerial opening. The Yankees front-office personnel will now spend today [debating their three candidates](—Peña, Don Mattingly and Joe Girardi.

My vote is for The Elf, who once won Manger of the Year with the Kansas City Royals in 2003, which may be the greatest accomplishment in human history since [Otto Frederick Rohwedder] invented the bread-slicing machine in 1928. That year he led Kansas City to an 83-79 record, their only winning record over the past 14 years. “I’m capable of managing this ball club and taking this ball club to the final line, which is winning the World Series,” Peña said of the Yankees after his interview. “I feel we have great talent in this organization and I believe I’m capable to do the job.” Clearly, he’s a confident little elf.

Mattingly, of course, if the favorite. New York’s beloved bench coach, whose one weakness was thought to be his quiet nature, made a strong impression on the Yankees’ brass in his interview by doing his best Sergeant Slaughter impression. “He gave them more than what they expected,” a person who spoke with Hank Steinbrenner said, speaking on the condition of anonymity. “They liked his aggressiveness and his strength. They saw some fire, and they liked that. He came across as real.” A decision could be announced as early as Friday, in between Games 2 and 3 of the World Series.

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