Betty B. Goode Crowned Champion at 2008 Cuervo Black US Air Guitar Championships, Presented by TouchTunes: Brooklyn Regionals

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It was late Wednesday night, I was sober, and was watching 20 or so drunken fools perform an all-star rock jam of "Freebird." Even if they were holding actual guitars, this would have been pretty ridiculous, but they were instead jamming along like a group of [Bill and Ted]'s, playing only air. Surely, I could be doing something useful with my time, but this was pretty fun.

Missing from the stage was the true star of the night, Betty B. Goode, who—like any true rock god or goddess—left Music Hall of Williamsburg on a route straight to the emergency room. After blowing away the judges with the high score in round 1, the air guitar vixen stunned us all when she ran off stage in the final performance of round 2, climbing onto the balcony, and eventually finishing her 60 seconds of "Rock You Like a Hurricane" with a bone sticking out of her foot.

Who knew air guitar could be so dangerous?

In the first round, 19 contestants gave it their shot towards air guitar fame. With only a 60 second window of time to impress the crowded room, each air guitarist had their own approach. After beginning with two weak performances, the competition took flight when "Masturbating Booger" dove into the crowd and landed face-first on the floor. Finally, the insanity had begun.

The judges remained unimpressed until back to back performances by "Fender Splendor" and local favorite "Shreddy Mercury" excited everyone. A few performances later is when the beer began to fly through the air. Seconds after Vice Magazine founder Gavin McInnes handed "Sanjar the Destroyer a low score, a beer flew across the room towards McInnes, never quite reaching the balcony where McInnes stood, but soaking quite a few of us on the floor. From that moment on, everyone in the room had to be on guard because random cups of beer continued to make their way through the air. McInnes continued to provoke the crowd, and got soaked once or twice before retaliating. The good-natured beer fight added to the free-spirited fun of the night.

Following the first round, the air guitarists with the top 5 scores (Guitar Pick Hero, The Shred, Fender Splendor, Shreddy Mercury, and Betty B. Goode) were brought back to the stage for a second round in which they were each given 1 minute to air rock out to Scorpions' "Rock You Like a Hurricane." Guitar Pick Hero and The Shred failed to deliver, but Fender Splendor set the bar high with a hard-to-top energetic performance in his underwear. Then Shreddy Mercury seemed to seal a victory with the first perfect score of the night. Betty B. Goode then equalled Shreddy's perfect score and took home the Brooklyn Regional crown, edging him out by only a tenth of a point overall.

2007 National Champion William Ocean warms up the crowd with an air drum solo

Masturbating Booger seconds before planting his face in the floor

Betty B. Goode dominated round 1rocking out to Joan Jett

Shimmy Hard brought an entire entourage of air-groupies, and air-stylists

Guitar Pick Hero

Shreddy Mercury surfs the crowd

Betty B. Goode shows off her injured foot that helped make her the champion

Tragedy (an all metal tribute to the BeeGees) set the tone with an outrageous opening set.

Photos by [Jonny-Leather]

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