Groundbreaking Study Shows Smoking Tough To Quit

Here’s a shocking discovery from the Department of Health: according to [their most recent study], smoking is really difficult to quit, even for New Yorkers. Really guys? How much money, manpower and hours did you devote to discovering that?

The study shows that only 17 percent of the 800,000 New Yorkers who tried to put out their butts succeeded last year. The study found people with less money and education and blacks and Hispanics tried to quit more often than other groups, but they also failed the most.

In maybe the most Einstein-esque revelation, officials determined that stress is one of the factors that causes people to smoke again. Did [Mike Brown secretly get reassigned] to head of the Department of Health or something?