Hillary Clinton Loves New York
On the Republicanside, Congressman Rick Lazio, the 41-year-old conservative/moderate whoupset Gore's buddy Tom Downey in the '92 elections, is getting a lotof tv time for his threat to challenge Giuliani in the GOP primary. I suspectit's a clever ruse on Lazio's part: By gaining so much attention now, he's gonefrom being a relatively anonymous representative to a statewide figure, andwill be in a strong position to challenge the odious Chuck Schumer in2004. Sure, Gov. Pataki and Al D'Amato are ramping up Lazio'schances against their foe Giuliani, but they're doing that to get under the Mayor's skin, which isn't hard to do. When push comes to shove, I'll bet theRepublican National Committee, and George W. Bush in particular,will exert pressure on Lazio not to bloody Giuliani in a bitter campaign andweaken Bush's chances for winning New York in the general election, as wellas losing an open seat for the Senate.
I don'tparticularly care about the carpetbagger liability that Hillary Clinton has:New York has its precedents for outsiders-Bobby Kennedy and JamesBuckley-quickly establishing residency and winning a post in the Senate.And if she hasn't the foggiest notion of how to direct a foreign cabby in NewYork City from Zabar's to Chambers St., that's not the worst thing inthe world. What is maddening is that Hillary doesn't especially careabout the people of New York: This is a blatant grab at power, an obvious steppingstone for her own presidential run in 2004 or 2008. Also, a big Fuck You to her husband. And, as Newsday's Bill Reel wrote last Friday, "Despiteher popularity, there does exist...a fair number of so-called Hillary haters,and routing them would be the ultimate revenge on the vast right-wing conspiracy."
I do believethat New Yorkers, when it comes down to voting, will see through her facadeand elect Giuliani.
Still, she'shad a clear agenda in visiting New York so often in the past two months. Herappearances are planned not only for the money, media spotlight and contacts.She's also coming-perhaps primarily-because she wants to fool the less sophisticatedand informed voters into thinking that she sort of lives here already, and evenhas a connection to New York. She believes that if dutiful reporters recordher every commencement address, baby-kiss in the projects, her support for anenvironmental initiative in Buffalo, then people who aren't very brightwill think she's a New Yorker. Hillary's tenure as First Lady has proved shedoesn't have much respect for the American people-the health care fiasco wasproof of that-and believes they're basically stupid. That's what she learnedin Little Rock: how to successfully condescend to constituents who don'tknow where New Haven is and get away with it. All these photo ops thatHarold Ickes has engineered in New York are an extension of this philosophy:Hillary Cares, She's One of Us.
CharlieRangel obviously doesn't agree. He told The Washington Times'John McCaslin last week that Giuliani has met his match. Rangel: "Heis so awkward in front of people who are not of his same sex and backgroundthat just being on stage with a woman, much less Hillary Clinton, will put him in a very, very embarrassing position? I don't think Giuliani knows how to getto Washington without a guide."
I don'tthink there's been a pundit who hasn't speculated about this bizarre race. LastFriday, The Wall Street Journal's Paul Gigot began hiscolumn: "A Republican senator running for reelection next year recentlyreacted this way to Hillary Rodham Clinton's now probable Senate campaign: 'Can't you get her to run against me?'
"Thinkof the benefits, added this savvy GOP pol. He could immediately fire his fund-raisers.A couple of national mass-mailings would bring in more than enough campaigncash. The chance to beat the First Tiger Lady would unite otherwise fractiousRepublicans from Jerry Falwell to Christie Whitman."
Gigot goeson to say that privately Democrats are astonished at the First Lady's audacityand the harm it could cause the party in 2000. He also states the obvious: thateven the many Beltway reporters who admire Hillary aren't about to counselher to forgo the contest: It's too juicy a story. He continues: "The exceptionis The New Republic, which has trashed her candidacy as loudly as it's promotingAl Gore's-and which is no coincidence, comrade. Its editors know Mr. Gore hasenough problems without adding Hillary's."
The Post's"Page Six" had a funny item last Thursday in which it reported thatat the Princeton Club last week, former Clinton press secretary MikeMcCurry made the silly prediction that Dan Quayle would be the GOP'spresidential nominee; two floors above, conservative Grover Norquist,addressing the Fabiani Society, described Hillary as "an unreconstructedEast German border guard."
But it wasThe Boston Globe's John Ellis, last Saturday, who won theprize for the week's most scathing commentary. "On paper," Ellis wrote,"the race is a complete mismatch. Hillary Clinton has no credentials forthe job. She has never been elected to anything by anyone and she has accomplished nothing of importance over the course of her 25 years as a political spouse.Her resume is unimpressive. She was a partner at a second-tier law firm in athird-tier state who couldn't meet her revenue targets. She worked closely atthat firm with two other partners; one who committed suicide under mysteriouscircumstances and the other a convicted felon and thief."
Ellis concludes:"She will not win because her candidacy isn't about New York, or the peoplewho live here [although Ellis writes for the Globe, he's a New York resident],or what she might do for them. It's about her. It's her movie, which she starsin and directs. The problems of others are important only to the degree thatthey forward her plot."
Not surprisingly,Salon's Joe Conason has a different spin, arguing that the presenceof St. Hillary on the ballot will inspire an avalanche of minorities to actuallyvote and also bring untold millions of dollars into the state, which can onlybenefit Gore. In his June 1 column he essentially tells Gore and his handlersto stop being crybabies: "A presidential candidate who worries about beingovershadowed by a Senate hopeful looks and sounds like a loser. Hillary canhelp Gore more than she hurts him. He should learn to make the most of the remarkablewoman who is almost certain to be his political companion." As Paul Gigotwould say, I think Conason has been inhaling James Carville'sexhaust for too many years now; what else could cause such woozy logic?
One questionI have about George is why Kennedy accepted a full-page advertisementfrom the National Rifle Association. Not that it bothers me (NRA: Ourphone number is 212-244-2282), but for all the bluster Kennedy's relatives havemade about the NRA and gun control, you'd think that would be revenue John Kennedywould sacrifice. But perhaps he didn't even notice the ad was in his own magazine.
Finally,it's good to have The Weekly Standard's Matt Labash backamong the living. I was concerned: Labash, normally a steely reporter, wentsoft after Littleton, and even found the presence of God in oneof the town's makeshift media shanties while he was reporting on the martyrdomof Cassie Bernall, the young Christian who was killed in the school massacre.
But fearnot: In the June 7 Standard, Labash simply demolishes the pathetic CongressmanPatrick Kennedy, exposing Democratic Minority Leader Dick Gephardt'sexploitation of the dim Rhode Islander's name and fundraising ability, as wellas recounting some truly embarrassing moments in the 31-year-old's past. Gephardthas become Kennedy's patron in the House, making him the fifth-ranking Democratthere, and putting him in charge of raising the necessary funds to win backthe chamber for the party in 2000. Eagle Scout Gephardt's cynicism has amazedeven those who always knew the goody-two-shoes public persona was a front: Theman is demagogic, twists facts and even though he despises both Bill Clintonand Al Gore, has shilled shamelessly for the ethically challenged duo.Why? So he can become the next speaker of the House.
Kennedyis far from being an orator; he can barely speak English. Here's just one exampleLabash dug up, recounting a question Kennedy asked the secretary of the Navyabout how to eliminate racism from the military: "So what happens is, thingsdon't get reported because, you know, let's not make much to do about nothing,so to speak. One of the worries I have about, you, a really zero-defect mentalitywith respect to defect-I'm not talking now-I mean everyone can acknowledge thatif there's a little bit of extremism, I'm not saying that that isn't just groundsfor you know, expulsion from the military. But how do we address the broaderissues... Can you answer that in terms of communication?"
As GomerPyle would say, Shazzam, shazzam, shazzam!
Anotherdamning anecdote about simpleton Patrick that Labash relates is when the youngster,still in college, decided to enter the family profession and challenge nine-yearincumbent John Skeffington for his Rhode Island state representativeseat. Skeffington, according to Labash, was well-liked by the party establishmentbut Patrick said, "I faced a situation where I wanted to run for publicoffice, and I was told to wait my turn. This was totally repugnant to me."So give the kid points for moxie. But, of course, he bought the election.
Labash writes: "More remarkable were the resources at Patrick's disposal: from the family'sdeep-pockets donor lists to the Brown University speech coach hired to improvePatrick's dadaist delivery, to Dad himself helicoptering in to the districtto accompany his son door to door. Nearly a dozen Kennedys weren't so much recruitedas conscripted to win Patrick's 1988 race... The only hint of embarrassmentcame from John Jr. 'He was a perfect gentleman,' says Skeffington. 'He said,"I hope you realize that I don't want to be here, I don't like this, butyou understand it's my cousin and I was asked to do it. I don't think it's fair."'"
Then therewas Kennedy's first real flash in the media when he took on now-retired GOPRep. Gerald Solomon in a debate about the repeal of the assault weaponsban. Solomon, a Marine in Korea, was so incensed by the following remarksthat he offered to put up his dukes against Kennedy. This was the blast Kennedytook at the New York pol, using, as always, his family as a backdrop:"Shame on you... Play with the devil, die with the devil... There are familiesout there...[you'll] never know what it's like, because [you don't] have someonein your family who was killed."
That morning,as I was getting ready to take Junior to school, MUGGER III came out with awhopper, one that didn't amuse Mrs. M one bit. Out of nowhere, he said "Yeah,Animaniacs really sucks... I mean, rocks." Junior was smiling, mywife wasn't, and on the cab ride uptown I asked my boy where his brother learnedthat expression. He looked at me like I was a preacher or something and replied,"Well, where do you think? I taught him." Oh great, I thought,remembering that when I was a kid, seven years old, I was sent to my room forsaying the word "God" in front of my own mother. That night, whiledining with Jeff and Amy Koyen at El Teddy's inTribeca (I varied my routine somewhat, choosing the stewed beef insteadof the queso fundido), Amy related a similar situation when she was young. Oneday, she casually used the word "schmuck" in conversation and caughthell, I mean heck, from her parents.
Last Friday,Junior graduated from kindergarten and we all attended a precious ceremony atCentral Presbyterian Church on Park Ave. His class sang "Let's Makethe World a Happy Place," while the first-graders chose "We All SingWith the Same Voice" for their part in the proceedings. Fortunately, therewasn't any long-winded speaker who gassed on about Kosovo and the responsibilitythat's being passed on to today's youth. That'll come later for my boys.
It's seemedthat in the past several weeks one out of three Washington pundits gavetheir own version of a commencement address, and The Washington Post'sMichael Kelly was no exception. As I've noted before, I don't think satireis Kelly's long suit-he excels at straight-ahead writing about who's tellingthe truth and who isn't-but I did like the conclusion to his June 2 piece, "Welcometo the...Real World?" Kelly wrote: "Finally, dear members of the classof 1999, if I can proffer only one piece of advice above all, it is this: Becomea celebrity. Ours is a just and righteous land, and all are equal in the eyesof the law. But some are more equal than others, and the most equal are thosewho have graced the covers of People, Time, Us and Rolling Stone. Hold beforeyou always the shining examples of Latrell Sprewell, O.J. Simpson, Marv Albert,and of course our first celebrity president, William Jefferson Clinton. And,remember, nobody pays retail anymore, why should you?"
On Saturdaymorning, the NYPress Giants finally met their match in the DowntownLittle League: the Spaghetti Western Padres. Man, this team couldfield, hit and compete without a hint of cheating. I didn't keep score, it wastoo painful, and though Junior and his buddy Scott Franchi protested that the Giants won, they knew in their hearts that the team was undefeatedno longer. But hey, even the Bosox's Pedro Martinez, the mostpowerful pitcher in the Major Leagues this year, has lost one game. Boston'sromanticized team is on a tear, even holding down first place for all of lastweek, and the reason is their pitching, as well as superstar Nomar Garciaparra.I fully expect the Yanks to finish atop the AL East by season'send, but the rest of the American League, with the exception of theIndians, is playing so badly the Red Sox might as well start printing playofftickets now. Don't like to jinx the team, but wouldn't it be ironic if 1999was finally the year they recaptured the World Series championship forthe first time since 1918?
Sunday morningwas the typical routine at our loft: the boys up early, bugging their motherto arise, and yours truly combing the Drudge Report. There was one twist:Junior was dressed up as Darth Maul, from the new Star Warsmovie. The three of them saw the film while I was in Memphis, holed up in the Danny Thomas suite, trying to make sense of the 100-plus papersthat make up the Association of Alternative Newsweeklies. I was happyto find out from Andrey Slivka that Natalie Green's BuffaloBeat was admitted into the AAN, even more tickled that the spineless organizationperformed true to form and tabled the controversial motion as to whether toexclude weeklies that have been bought by dailies.
That afternoonMrs. M and I finally were able to attend one of Taki's weekly roundtableswith his stable of "Top Drawer" writers. Usually, this group of late-risersgoes to Elaine's on Sunday night, where they hold forth for several hours,gossiping, planning their NYPress section and having a drink or eight.However, on this occasion, Taki made the gracious concession not only to schedulethe meeting for Sunday afternoon, but also downtown, at Odeon, just afew blocks from our apartment. On our way to the restaurant, Mrs. M and I sawfor the first time a brand-new NYPress street dispenser, a thrill that'sperhaps peculiar to us, but exciting nonetheless. At Odeon, Taki was in topform, spinning yarns that involved about 18 countries, three dukes, half a dozenheinous Manhattan editors, seven girls left behind in the old days andfond memories of James Goldsmith. Toby Young, we learned, soldhis Mick Jagger story yet again, meaning that he got paid three timesfor the same piece: Good thing for old Tobe that it appeared in NYPress first.
ScottMcConnell and I agreed that Rudy Giuliani will defeat HillaryClinton in the 2000 Senate race but Taki wouldn't believe it. He thinksHillary will win. When I suggested that fear drove his prediction he simplynodded an assent. Taki also went with the obvious matchup of Bush vs.Gore for the presidential race, although he acknowledged he's a Pat Buchanansupporter. I conceded that Buchanan is indeed the intellectual in the crop ofGOP candidates, certainly the finest speaker, but his views on immigration,just for starters, were too 18th century for my liking. Taki apparently hadno use for that opinion so he told marvelous stories of dinners with Buchanan,which segued into a chat about his friend John O'Sullivan and then BillBuckley and somehow ended up with a discussion about Greek yachts. You haveto be on your toes to keep up with the man: get lost for even a momentary daydreamand you've missed three hilarious anecdotes.
Is Cotts lettingVoice readers in on the inside politics of book publishing in New York?If so, that's a pretty tired subject, one that's been conquered far more coherentlyby NYPress' own John Strausbaugh in the last nine years. No, Ithink it's more that TOC doesn't have enough characters of "color";doesn't dwell on pot-smoking East Village layabouts; and, in her mind,dwells too much on the people who run today's media and technological society.Whatever the case, here's another example of Cotts' speedball lefty conspiracistparanoia that's sent her over the edge. Time for another month's break, I'dsay.
I'll give Cotts thismuch: Out in the Midwest, reader reaction, at least that I've seen onAmazon.com, was mixed. A correspondent from Minneapolis writes:"This book rocks. As entertaining and true as I can imagine. I've workedin two of the three main business milieus Andersen portrays, and he 'gets' themPERFECTLY." On the other hand, one of Andersen's fellow Nebraskans wasn'tso kind: "I'll be brief, unlike Andersen: I found this book to be a hugedisappointment. It's fat, but it has no range, no heart, no soul, and not evenmuch wit. If you're in the NY or LA or Silicon Valley media world, you mightbe amused to read about yourself here. Otherwise, who cares?"
Hey! Here's an ideathat will appeal to almost everyone: Voice editor Don Forst shouldship Cotts off to another Leonard Stern-owned alternative paper, sayCity Pages in Minneapolis or the Cleveland Free Times. Manhattanites would be spared her twisted, revenge-motivated columns and...well, I can't figureout the upside for City Pages or the Free Times, but give me anotherweek.
On the same subject,two weeks ago I speculated that the dishonest Slate "Book Club"exchange about Turn of the Century was inspired in part by what I perceivedas editor Michael Kinsley's rivalry with Andersen. One reader debunked this theory, and although I'll stick to my original opinion, this person didhave an interesting comment: "Well, I'm no expert on Kinsley's psychology,but if you pointed a gun at me and said opine or else, I'd guess that Kinsleydoesn't give a fuck about Andersen, because Kinsley's orientation is Washington,not New York. He took me to lunch once and I had the impression of a smart 10-year-oldsomehow blown up to adult proportions, like that kid in Big. Hard toread a guy like that. Assuming he has normal feelings of jealousy, though, Idon't think they'd be about a guy who wrote a novel. As for magazines, I thinkKinsley feels his league is the Times, Washington Post, TheEconomist and The New Yorker (the editor's job of which neitherof them got, anyway), not Spy or a city magazine. Just my hunch."
All commonthemes with MUGGER-bashers, but my name has appeared on my column for 14 monthsnow, and since last August on the front page of the paper. Too much Thunderbirddoes strange things to the mind. Apparently the writer, who claims an intimateknowledge of NYPress, doesn't even know where the paper is now located:"Maybe NATO should check out that big Serb-Supporter target on the roofof the Puck Building. Nahh, Nixon that-Mugger Smith will probably be elsewhere,waking up with a hangover and wondering who to skewer." As 333'shorrendous maintenance crew is all too aware, NYPress moved from thePuck Bldg. in November of 1997.
And it'srare that Alex Cockburn and I are consigned to the same concentrationcamp. The writer continues: "The NYPress of April 21-27 shows the lowerdepths of this spoiled, stylistically bereft preppy's nastiest graffiti. Onthat front page like-minded reactionaries recklessly indulged in Clinton bashingthat bordered on the traitorous... Cockburn raved about children blown to piecesbeing Clinton's way of erasing the memory of Monica. He's one of those shit-for-brainswho imagined out loud that years of warnings to Saddam were all a setup to springbad ol' Bill from his sexual problems."
And NYPress'excellent Chris Caldwell isn't spared either. "Caldwell is hardlyworth the ink of response...a sniveling member of Russ' stable who couldn'twrite for matchbooks but calls supporters of Kosovars 'unhinged,' calls theKLA 'drug-runners' [and] insults every leader involved."
Imaginethat. A newspaper with opinions about the Kosovo intervention.
"Thesentiment is grating, but can be excused if not understood. Resort town thatit is, Denver ain't a half-bad place to settle down.
"Ialways thought Denver was the typical post-World War II city, with miles ofsuburbs and steely Eastern construction. A mini-Los Angeles, twinsister to Houston. The Wells Fargo wagons and teams of banditsheading for the high roads were supposed to be long gone. Just the storybookpast.
"MaybeI relied on the Baltimore Sunpapers too much, but I was shocked to seerows on rows of three-story houses, featuring wide balconies and gargoyles,trap doors and stained-glass windows. And the silver-rich pahdnahs who wereswilling whiskey back in the 1880s would be surprised to see every third housebrandishing a 'for rent' sign.
"Justa pop fly from my apartment, Colfax Ave. roars on. Within a 20-blockradius all the staples on a big city street can be had: McDonald's, Arby's,pawn shops, bottomless burlesque shows and a constant stream of panhandlersand winos searching for busfare or a morning jolt of caffeine. What makes Colfaxunique, however, is that while scarfing down a nationalized Whopper, the mountainscheck you out.
"Andthe Coloradan air is a treat. Despite what the Rocky MountainNews says about the orange scum hiding the Denver skyline, to a hardenedtrooper of real Eastern pollution, the air is just fine.
"SomethingI didn't reckon on is the torturous heat in these six-shooter environs. Oh,it's dry all right, but 95 degrees is unbearable under any conditions, humidityor no humidity.
"So,parochialism aside, I guess the natives have a claim in saying 'Tis a privilegeto live in Colorado.' Then again, you won't catch any Westerner peeling thepowder-blue 'Maryland is for Crabs' t-shirt off this boy's back."
JUNE 7