How one's relationship with caregivers early in life impacts later behavior
By Kristine Keller Downtown dating is like the root canal process-painful while you're going through it but the end result leaves your sensory nerves feelin' good. And sadly, there's no quickie fix for that painful pearly white procedure. There is, on the other hand, a fast way to land suitors in the date-o-sphere, which is why a bevy of singletons have discovered the allure of speed dating. Like most first conversations, speed daters might ask "so, what do you value most in a relationship?" to which a secure person might respond "honesty and loyalty." There are those who take a different approach in their answer: "I value a partner who calls and texts 20 times a day, Instagrams a picture of me and my dog in the morning, faxes me at night, and pins my face all over his Pinterest in the afternoon." Reeling from that, the person sitting across might then snap fast and yell "NEXT!"
During a recent speed dating exercise, psychologists noted that a process known as attachment could explain interactions of this sort. Attachment theory maintains that a relationship with one's caregiver early on in life largely determines one's social and developmental upbringing. Those raised in reliably nurturing environments with caregivers who responded to their every need grow up "securely attached." When these infants were hungry, they were fed; when they cried, they were shown consistent care and attention. As a byproduct, these infants grew into secure and trusting adults. The kind of adult you want sitting across from you during a lighting fire round of "How many times do you expect your boyfriend or girlfriend to call you in a day?"