Knicks Set To Open Season

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The New York Knicks open their season tonight, and Isiah Thomas’s team will quickly discover just how good (or bad) they really are.  The Knicks will travel to Ohio to battle the defending Eastern Conference champion Cleveland Cavaliers, who will be hungry after [getting embarrassed] by Dallas in their season opener Wednesday night.

During the offseason, the Knicks had some serious off-the-court troubles, beginning with Thomas and owner James Dolan [losing a sexual harassment suit]. In previous years, the duo has done most of their losing on the court, so they hope this will be a reversal of fortune. Of course, they had to shell out [$11.6 million]( to the plaintiff following the verdict, so their streak of wasting money on unnecessary expenses continues. Ipso facto, there’s no reason to believe their losing streak will cease either.

The team also acquired thug and ball-hog Zach Randolph in the offseason, who has a penchant for [punching teammates] in the face and jacking up 30 shots per game. That means between him, Stephon “I-refer-to-myself-in-the-third-person-using-my-alter-ego” Marbury, Jamal Crawford and Eddy Curry, only four people will touch the ball every game. Apparently, sharing is not something they preach at Madison Square Garden. Nonetheless, the Knicks are hoping you can spell “win” with the words “Me, me, me.”

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