Naughty's Never Been So Dull As In NYC

In a new poll conducted by Impulse Research Corporation for AXE Vice—you know, the shower products that promise to get guys raped upon application—reveals that New York women have extremely [“progressive” sexual tastes]. Here are the facts for interested parties:

-- Eight of 10 women polled said they would consider using handcuffs or a blindfold during sex, and 55 percent admitted they already have. -- Six out of 10 said they’ve hooked up with a guy on the first date. -- Seven out of 10 said they've fantasized about getting with a male friend. -- Four out of 10 say they have gone to a bar commando.

Sound hot? Yeah, we were thinking more lukewarm, too. And unfortunately, it jumps straight to creepy with the participants’ thoughts on “naughty” hook-up spots: 1,244 women listed a chicken factory, a nun's car and Grandpa’s 80th-birthday party, among other less noteworthy responses.

If this doesn’t do it for you, try moving to Los Angeles or Miami, both of which came in ahead of New York out of the 10 cities surveyed. Check out the video that accompanies this ad campaign and ask yourself, does this portrait of female empowerment really seem so liberating? And moreover, does  it really seem so hot?

In other news, it seems a fake cop [fondled a Long Island woman] who notified the real police. We assume he wasn’t wearing AXE, ’cause then she woulda liked it.