New Knicks Face New Celtics

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Tonight’s preseason game against the Celtics will be a good measure of how good or bad the Knicks might be this season. Sure, they’ll be bad off the court; that goes without saying. After all, their coach [sexually harasses] employees and their star offseason acquisition, Zach Randolph, likes to [punch teammates]( in the face, carry loaded handguns and was recently investigated for [sodomizing a stripper]( I just don’t see them winning any Humanitarian Awards.

But Head Coach and President of Basketball Operations Isiah Thomas believes they might be good on the court. Randolph, a versatile 6-foot-9 forward, will team up with center Eddie Curry (who has heart palpitations and hates defense) and forward David Lee (who’s white), to form what Thomas hopes will be a formidable front court.

Tonight at MadisonSquareGarden, however, the retooled Boston Celtics [come to town] with Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce all sporting shiny green jerseys. With a waning fan base becoming more disinterested following every losing season and every off-the-court issue, the Knicks need to show they can compete on the hardwood. “They got a great team,” Randolph said, “[but] we got a good team, too.” They better be good, or else he, Isiah and the rest of New York’s overpriced stars will be looking for new jobs very soon.

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