Shockey Vows Prankster Will Dye

Talk about being uptight. Jeremy Shockey, the very talented, outspoken and controversial tight end for the New York Giants, has [threatened to kill whoever played a prank] on him yesterday afternoon at the Giants’ practice facility. Shockey went to sign autographs after lunch, but when he pulled his hand out of his glove, it was a deep purple. Someone had filled it with the unwashable substance that banks use to mark money. The infuriated superstar told the media “dead man walking” and stormed off to find the culprit.

Shockey’s reaction was unsurprising and frankly a lot less inflammatory than [other comments and incidents] in his short, yet controversial career. In 2003, he called then-Dallas Cowboys head coach Bill Parcells a “homo” in New York magazine after Parcells criticized him through the media. His rookie season, he got into a training camp fight with teammate Brandon Short and that September made anti-gay remarks on Howard Stern’s radio program.

“...if I knew there was a gay guy on my college football team, I probably wouldn’t, you know, stand for it,” Shockey said in that interview. “You know, I think, you know, they’re going to be in the shower with us and stuff, so I don’t think that’s gonna work.”

All and all, I think declaring the culprit of the prank “dead man walking” was a nice show of restraint on Shockey’s part, considering his previous track record. But let’s see if that restraint continues once he finds him, or if a dead body wearing a Giants uniform turns up outside the Meadowlands in the next couple of days.