Surviving 'Legally Blonde' the TV Show

“I feel awesome blossom fabulous fantastic,” states 19-year-old Cassie S. No, Cassie isn’t a spokeswoman for a new diet pill, newly thin and hopped up on Hoodia or something. It’s worse. She’s a competitor on MTV’s [Legally Blonde the Musical: The Search for Elle Woods], where she and nine other triple-threat hopefuls struggle week after week to achieve Broadway infamy. Cue the excited shrieking!

So first there was Legally Blonde the movie. Then there was the sequel, which was... really, really bad. Then the musical was born. As of the reality show’s premier last Monday, we reached the (hopefully) final frontier. It’s pink as far as the eye can see.

The Search began with 50 girls getting whittled down to 15, the remaining then rushing off to learn a dance routine (which included the “bend and snap”, naturally) and the super-belty song that closes Act I, “So Much Better.” The judges—producer Bernie Telsey, musical writer Heather Hach and Broadway actor Paul Canaan—do their best to look demanding and unsatisfied as the girls perform.

Fifteen then become 10, with the usual gamut of reality TV stereotypes predictably represented. There’s a brainy one, a country bumpkin, a self-described bad girl (“I made out with everyone. Everyone,” says Chelsea of her high school reputation). It’s all relative, of course, because if any of these girls were plopped down on a different reality show, made to survive on an island or eat matador junk, they would each undoubtedly be labeled “the dumb blonde.”

The est-fest ensues for the next several weeks, with radio hits of yesteryear providing a soundtrack all the while. Ten bucks to anyone who watches the entire season! It’s anybody’s guess where the show goes from here, but it looks to have all the makings of an awesomely bad piece brain candy that could potentially keep us satisfied should—heaven forbid—another writers strike plague the networks. “I live and breathe Legally Blonde,” says Rhiannon. “We all think you need to lose weight,” bitches one girl to another. The only thing that’s for sure is that the “bend and snap” isn’t going anywhere. Ever.