A few weeks back, you described a conversation you had ...

Being a 20-year-old virgin, I'm in no rush to have sex with any female, be it some chick I met on the street or a woman I could be currently seeing. Yet I would think oral sex/foreplay is fine until both of us are ready, and I would think that's perfectly fine since whomever I'm with is still getting pleasure from it.

Can you clear this up for me?

?Victor

P.S.: Two things: Forgive me if this email is too wordy, and do you play fighting games?

What in the hell is a fighting game? Are you talking about some sort of Fight Club scenario wherein I hang out in a filthy basement with a bunch of guys beating the hell out of each other? What would give you that impression? While I do box, I informed my trainer that he is not, under any circumstances, to punch me back. And maybe that doesn't seem fair, but taking my girlie punches like a man is why I pay him the big bucks.

As for the part of your question that I actually understand, it's different for virgins. I remember having all sorts of nonsensical rules involving how far I'd go back when my hymen was intact and not the distant memory it is today. Hopefully when you finally deign to stuff your virginal meat scepter into some lucky lady's love tunnel, you'll never again be a little Johnny Twat-Tease. (P.S.: What are you waiting for? Got gold in them panties?)

The guy my friend and I were discussing wasn't a virgin. Far from it. I was referring to a vaguely slutty naked boy who'd already had his mouth all up in my business who then informed me that we weren't going to have sex because that'd be "bad" and he was trying to be "good." Erm, okay. Thanks. You can go now. Buh-bye.

See, that just doesn't make any sense?how is wrapping your mouth around some girl's nether regions less intimate than fucking her? If anything, it seems more intimate. And judging from similar stories I keep hearing from other women, it's become something of a common phenomenon. I wouldn't call it taboo or anything to be looked down upon, but I, for one, am a bit concerned.

I'm a male in my 40s, and (as common for someone my age) it's very difficult for me to climax during intercourse, especially with a condom on. I would think the women I'm with would consider this to be a good thing as I can usually make intercourse last as long as they want, but more often than not they seem frustrated and even insulted that I'm not having an orgasm. I always explain that it's just the way I am, that she is turning me on and that I would easily come if she rubbed my cock with her hand, but most are unwilling to do that. Or they try for a minute and then complain their arm is tired. By this time I have already happily given plenty of oral sex, massages and generous licking and touching, so I feel rejected if she doesn't want to just stroke me a little bit to help me come. Am I really asking for too much?

?Sign With Whatever Clever Pun You Can Come Up With

Last week I went to a party celebrating the release of Sweet Action?a new porno mag geared to straight ladies. While the bash itself was kind of lame (no free liquor or full-frontal male nudity!), you'll find a very informative article on the lost art of the handjob on page six. You might want to buy yourself a copy and leave it laying open atop your bedside table. (Although the naked guys with boners might give your dates pause.) As an added bonus, the centerfold model is the most beautiful man I've ever seen, so if your sweet action is not doing it for your girlie, just tape his photo over your face and I guarantee she'll do whatever you want. Seriously. This guy is hot. And not like the overbuilt mustachioed gents of Playgirl either?he's all scrawny, scruffy and dark, just like I like 'em. He also appears to possess one of the most massive wieners I've ever seen, but that's not why I love him. Really. My love is pure(ish). Being a het guy, you probably don't care about the size of some dude's member or his ache-inducing hotitosity, but Christ almighty, that guy has a starring role in the Dategirl Masturbation Movie-thon (currently playing in my mind) for the foreseeable future. Mee-fucking-ow!

I'm sorry, I digress. I'm just a little hot under the drawers right now. To answer your question: No, I don't think a helpful wank is too much to ask from a woman at all. At least you're not whining about wearing a condom?that's a major ass-chapper. People get off in all sorts of ways, and to be grouchy or insulted because of your particular quirk shows a severe lack of smarts and imagination on your partners' part. It's like men who get cranky when their woman needs a little oral action to see her through to the other side. Whatever works. The only thing I can advise is that you try to improve the quality of the women you get naked with. So quit dating small-minded morons. Problem solved.

[dategirl@nypress.com](mailtodategirl@nypress.com)