ALL THIS BECAUSE WE LIKE PAUL WILLIAMS? So let's see, Jeff ...

BECAUSE WE LIKE PAUL WILLIAMS?

So let's see, Jeff Koyen's paper covers (and kisses up to) Mickey Dolenz, who seemed to be embarrassed to even talk to your poor excuse for a journalist ("B-Listers," 2/18). And then you do a fawning piece on media music hack Paul Williams, who might be able to sell chewing gum with his music, but could never push the buttons to truly touch thinking people with his art ("J.R. Taylor," 5/12).

The way you're going you might as well join the clueless who think that Norman Greenbaum's "Spirit in the Sky" is the high watermark of 60s psychedelic rock.

In short, don't try to rewrite pop history, because, to quote the Who, "We're not gonna take it." (The Monkees over the Beatles?! Please, back in the day more people watched Saturday morning Beatles cartoons than The Monkees.)

And I don't really mind that John Strausbaugh's editorial corps(e) is in the trunk of your rusted-out beater with 175,000 miles on it. But really, one would think you could keep up a bit with the latest model of an alt-weekly.

And what were the powers that be at your rag who a while back told you to sic members of the lit and mag cutting-edge: Neal Pollack, Ian Spiegelman and Keith Blanchard? I mean, Keith Blanchard? Shall we dig a little and see who publishes whom, and why you had to grind your particularly annoying, dull and pointless ax? Really, unlike the other two, Blanchard isn't even controversial, though you made him "most loathsome" in your pages. What's next for you, hanging out at the Dalton School to harass the kids?

I shudder to think what you consider real news or features worth running. I guess it involves something like culling story ideas from Gawker-and putting an "edge" on them.

Even the Voice is publishing interesting essays these days... One of them was about Elmore Leonard and the vicissitudes of book signing, while you ran Jim Knipfel (who?) on the vicissitudes of...well, what do you know, book signing!

But wait, I just had a great (and original!) idea. Shanghai Richard Goldstein to write an obit on Strausbaugh. (I know he's not really dead, but that shouldn't stop you, right?) That way you could symbolically tell the Voice to go screw itself by using one of its marquee names, while also thumbing your nose at the history of your own now-wretched rag.

Of course, after that your owners ("Keep your nose to the hot type, Koyen, and if you're lucky we'll give you your own BlackBerry!") would probably tell you to do a puff piece on Dave Eggers to balance things out. But that would be okay, because knowing the level of your concerns I'm sure you've got a lot of dirt on Gary Coleman and could do a bitchin' expose on the guy. Have mercy on his soul at the hands of you and your bitchy misanthropes.

And Koyen, don't start patting yourself on the back thinking, "Oh wow, I'm a great editor, getting readers to write in with such righteous indignation!"

The only reason I wrote this is because you suck.

Keep up the bad work. I'm sure there are a lot of beater trunks out there hungry for your miserable ass.

J.D. Finch, Brattleboro, VT

Jeff Koyen replies: Oh wow, I'm a great editor, getting readers to write in with such righteous indignation!

THE WAR ON ERROR

Alexander Zaitchik, in his article "Savagery All Around" (5/19), remarks on many events and incidents concerning the invasion of Iraq and the troubles our military is currently experiencing there. From Abu Ghraib to angry senators to dirty words written on high explosives, Zaitchik knits us a worrisome cat's cradle of opinion that ties in every last string of discontent.

Worst is Zaitchik's ironic classification of the Bush administration's response to Abu Ghraib as spin. "Savagery All Around," from the title to the tasteless closing statement, is nothing but spin. Zaitchik spins the war in Iraq as having "no reality-based connection" to the larger war on terror, and he spins our entire military as "fist-pumping" savages based on the actions of a few.

Here's the unspun truth: Iraq is part of the war on terror. It's a risky, courageous, foresighted attempt to destroy the root cause of terrorism (brutal and backward third-world dictatorships) and bring secular democracy to a deeply troubled region. We were all warned that it would be costly and difficult, but Zaitchik obviously prefers to edit such warnings from his memory; self-righteous indignation is easier to pass off when one can act all surprised that casualties and mistakes are part of war. As for the quality and integrity of our soldiers, there are hundreds of thousands of them serving abroad. If there are a few hundred-or even a few thousand-who write asinine epithets on bombs and humiliate unfortunate prisoners, that still leaves 99 percent who are doing a fine and honorable job. And when someone really does cross the line, America has now shown that a healthy pursuit of justice ensues. ^^^ When Saddam was murdering his own people, where were the Iraqi congressional inquiries and court-martials? Where were the Arab journalists with their scandalous photographs and endless demands for answers? Where was Alexander Zaitchik and his sanctimonious bleating about the "Savagery All Around"?

G. Scott Neuman, Tampa

HELP SYDNEY NOW

Oh, bravo! Widdle diddums all upset coz nobody likes the alliance. I loved Matt Taibbi's idea regarding the t-shirt and a tour of duty and your approval, editors ("Help Justin Now," 5/19). In fact, I think it would be a great idea for all the Neocunts, both yours and mine.

Also, I damn Prime Minister Howard to hell for fawning to Bush and dragging our name through the dirt with that of the United States.

Greg Fisher, Sydney, Australia

GOD FORBID INDEED

Regarding firefighting helicopters ("Rudy on the Spot," 5/12). Hey Christopher X. Brodeur: It was no forest fire on 9/11, you clown. There's always someone who has a pencil and thinks they could have done better or has to find fault somewhere. Did you really think a pilot could have maneuvered his aircraft on top of the pyre? That's why you have a job sitting behind a desk pushing paper and (God forbid) are not an elected official.

John Grenawalt, Yonkers

SHUT UP? NEVER!

Christopher Brodeur is a freak and a fool (5/12). Sit down and shut up. What have you ever done in your life that is positive?

Tom Bennett, Baton Rouge

AND THEN THERE'S?

Wow! What insightful questions ("Rudy on the Spot," 5/12)! Please, Christopher X. Brodeur, run for some kind of public office. We need humans with inquisitive minds in office somewhere. My hat goes off to you for both your "comments" at the hearings as well as your article that proves the power of logical questioning.

Michele Costello, Los Altos, CA ^^^ THE PREVIEW-REVIEW REVIEW

The fact that a few readers were so crazed over Mark Ames' article on The Chronicles of Riddick that they couldn't curtail their righteous indignation long enough to realize it was a review of the film's preview, not the film itself, was hardly surprising ("Preview Review," 5/5). Letters from issues past have proven comprehension of Ames' work to not be at an all-time high.

What I did find strange was two of the writers' defenses of actress Thandie Newton, which found Ames' comments about her "black, hot, menacing" looks distasteful because she has a college degree and has starred in several films. I guess if Newton dropped out of Turnpike Tech a few credits shy of her certificate for tv Repair and Riddick was her first major film, Ames' comments wouldn't have been deemed so offensive.

Hmmm. In that case, memo to Vin Diesel: I know you used to work as a bouncer, which is low-brow enough for me to state you were one hot menacing piece of indeterminate-race ass in Pitch Black. If you have an Ivy League degree, then my apologies. I take it back.

Michael A. O'Hagan, Astoria

CALL FOR KOYEN

I hear Jeff Koyen is pissing off and delighting people coast to coast with what he's done with New York Press-especially with the personal tidbits. May I offer my warmest congratulations.

I'm as far west as I can get right now without falling off into the drink. We so need someone like him here. Tell him and his bored staff to relocate, please. There is much work to be done.

Also, Sara Edward-Corbett's comic, "See-Saw," is fantastic. But her name is too long. Hyphenating is so 90s.

Penny Rene, Los Angeles

JUSTIN TIME

Matt Taibbi has got it exactly right. What an excellent article ("Help Justin Now," 5/19). The war on Iraq was started on a bad premise, and it has grown worse on a daily basis. I believe that the media isn't telling America even half of the really bad news.

If Justin takes you up on your offer, I will buy him breakfast, lunch and dinner every day for a month (provided that he comes back from Iraq). I will fly him out here to Utah at my expense, put him up at my house and possibly give him my dog. That would be a truly brave move on his part. Okay Justin, time to put up or shut up.

Don Nash, Murray, UT

DANIEL WHO?

I don't think Justin has to bother (Matt Taibbi, "Help Justin Now," 5/19). Nick Berg already paid the price, and was slaughtered like a pig with his head sawed off, which doesn't seem to warrant weeks and weeks of coverage. Daniel Pearl's slaughter was forgotten quickly by the media, too. When non-American abuses occur in the world, I guess it is not news that American readers are interested in?

Did Matt Taibbi see the C-Span coverage of the Iraqi from the governing council at the World Economic Conference in Jordan the other night, with the moderator from the Washington Post? That Iraqi had a lot of positive things to say about how things are going in Iraq. And he said he hopes George Bush is reelected and that the U.S. did not disband the Iraqi Army, that there was no Army when the U.S. military arrived in Baghdad. It was a very enlightening view of what's going on in Iraq for the average American that the hyena press is not covering. ^^^

Judy Close Jamaica, NY

WE LOVED YOU ON LOVE BOAT!

J.R. Taylor: You show up on time...prepared?teeth brushed...clean shirt...sit quietly through the show and then write a positive review.

You call that journalism? Where's your sense of Gonzo-Guerilla-Big Apple-Attack? I'm suffering from serious whiplash, being very unused to fair play from critics let alone-dare I say it-a nice write-up.

Your writing style is as appealing as your taste, and if there's anything I can ever do to advance your lifestyle, career, recovery, whatever, please drop me a line.

Editors: Thanks for having the sense to hire somebody edgy and fair. They so seldom go hand in hand.

Paul Williams, Sunset Beach, CA

EVOLVED DUTCH, THEN

Regarding Celia Farber's "Speaking in Tongues" (5/19), I certainly am not a language expert, but I would be hesitant to call Afrikaans "deteriorated Dutch." Having had a number of interesting conversations with Dutch people, they remarked that quite a few words, expressions, sentence constructs, etc. in Afrikaans sounded very much like an archaic form of Dutch.

In similar fashion, the English-who always go on about "Americans who can't speak English"-often forget that because of a lack of contact with an evolving language in the home country, "American" probably bears a much closer relation to English as it was spoken during the time of the founding fathers. Ditto Australian (As far as I am concerned, there is one hell of a closer relationship between American, Australian and Irish accents than to the Queen's English.)

What about "evolved Dutch"?

Thank you for a most entertaining article. Groete van huis tot huis. (Better ask your father about that one!)

Ricus Reeders, Johannesburg, South Africa

OMBUDSMAN FROM DOWN UNDER

I think both Matt Taibbi and the editors of New York Press are being unfair to Justin Ringling and owe him a trip to Iraq ("Help Justin Now," 5/19). Justin clearly stated that:

Are you really telling me and everyone else that there is nothing good happening there? Why have I not heard any reporting from the Kurdish section in Iraq?

To this, Taibbi offers to Justin, with editorial consent, that he be sent to Iraq: ^^^ I have two conditions. The first is that he goes unarmed and unescorted. The second is that he wear, every day, a t-shirt emblazoned with the American flag on the front, and also bearing an Arabic inscription on the back that reads, "God Bless the U.S."

Taibbi completely missed the point and just proved Justin to be true. You owe him a trip. The fact is that both conditions could easily be met in Kurdish areas of Iraq, where there is little good news reporting coming out. With direct overseas flights now available into the Kurdish regions of Iraq, I would strongly advise Justin to take up your offer and visit Kurdistan for a terrific holiday, all by himself. I am sure he will be loved by the locals, most of whom already have banners up expressing gratitude to the U.S.A. The Kurdish region of Iraq is currently the most pro-American place on the face of the Earth, and Justin would be very safe and sound there.

Clearly, you expect Justin to contain himself to places like Baghdad, like most foreign journalists are doing. Just like most journalists, you do not expect Justin to travel to the north where most of the good news comes from. This is, of course, the crux of his argument, that no journalists write from the north where the good news is, where people love the Americans and still call them "liberators."

You promised Justin a trip. You are obliged to meet it if he wants to go.

Ejder Memis, Sydney, Australia

HOW STRANGELY EXCITED?

I get strangely excited over new Brad Pitt movies. Not only to see the movies-which I do, just about every time-but to read the reviews. There's nothing quite as funny as the critic brigade's desperate, feeble attempts to castigate Pitt. Armond White, squirmy as ever, carries the brigade's ignoble torch ("Troy Story," 5/12).

What an easy and obvious target Pitt presents! To White (and alt-writing, alt-reviewing halflings like him), Pitt is guilty of the gravest cool-guy sins: He's famous, good-looking and apparently free of self-hatred.

So White smolders: "Pretty-boy." Bulls-eye! How brave is your pen, Armond. Take 'em down.

The injustice of Pitt as Achilles isn't enough. White reaches back to a favorite poseur whipping post: Fight Club. Pitt was in that, too. A "commanding characterization," "disguising insecurity with macho playacting," a "spoiled American scamp." You gotta give it to White. His hate is genuine, if scattershot. (What the hell is a "commanding characterization"?)

Unfortunately, purposeful use of Pitt's oeuvre requires the rather glaring omissions of movies like Snatch, Seven or A River Runs Through It. When Pitt is charming, tough, energetic, brave, funny-well, those roles don't count. And Ocean's Eleven? Ugh, gimme a break, right? It's not hard to imagine White writhing in his chair at that showing, angry at the screen, angry at that pretentious dick Soderbergh, at the cool clothes they gave Pitt, the snappy looks and slick-too slick, too obviously fucking slick-movements, the tortured "chemistry" with Clooney...

Oh, and don't even get White started on Clooney. Ocean's Eleven, that was just too much.

It's also not hard to imagine the true source of White's disdain. He unconsciously tipped us off in his Troy review. Remember that part about disguised insecurity? Yeah. A real spoiled American scamp.

Justin Henderson, Portland, OR

TOMORROW. TWELVE.

When will John Kerry resign? How many votes will he miss before the Boston Globe demands it?

He is traveling all around the country visiting foreign leaders in French cafes and glad-handing unions for their handouts. All the while telling the people that if anyone killed one of his daughters he would drop everything he was doing and spend a lifetime on revenge. Though after saying that on Hannity & Colmes, he has decided against it.

By the way, I like your new web format.

Gordon Johnson, Kingston, TN

MORE C-SPAN?

I just read the article "The Inhalation of Nancy Gibbs" by Matt Taibbi ("Cage Match," 2/18). I was searching for info on her after seeing her speak on C-Span in front of students at City Hall Academy. I found this article and was thoroughly impressed with the quality and style of writing along with the substance and stance of the article.

Elizabeth Ewan, Seal Beach, CA.