Bash Compactor: Dildos & Merengue

| 11 Nov 2014 | 02:12

    The National Arts Club celebrated its 110th anniversary last Tuesday night, with all the dignity one would expect. There was the clinking of glasses, the remembering of good times and a gigantic dildo sculpture that had Heatherette designer Richie Rich completely transfixed.

    I trailed the designer as he slipped away from the post-dinner boozing to take in the curiously dong-like piece. Imagine a see-through floatation device maybe twice the size of the Baywatch variety and filled with water. It was that or a giant butt plug.

    The bottle-blond Rich seemed mesmerized. He blurted out, seemingly to himself,  “Bitches, I don’t get why the economy’s bad. Fix it!” Hoping to make conversation, I asked about his own design strategy. “I don’t do cheese,” shot back the man famous for sending socialites down the runway in getups that look like school uniforms from outer space.

    Despite being only a week since the presidential election, it was nice to hear that McCain supporters hadn’t lost any of their faith. One glittery octogenarian struck up a conversation about Obama’s tax plans. “I believe in charity, but I don’t believe in sharing the wealth. What he’s trying to do is completely unrealistic!”

    It was the wrong time to mention that I was not a paying guest at the dinner.

    Later, identical twin singers Will and Anthony Nunziata got a round of “Happy Birthday” going for the old club, and an almond-apricot—good for keeping regular!—cake was wheeled out for all to see. As the night went on, the crowd got friskier, dancing with sequin-wearing hired dancers and whooping along with the music.

    At this point, I had lost track of Rich. But rest assured, the artsy dildo remained firmly in place.