Bash Compactor: Phat Cats

It was closer to Deaf Jam than Def Jam as the National Arts Club honored model-loving, vegan hip-hop impresario Russell Simmons last week.

The evening showcased the mostly 50-and-older crowd in its best black-tie-meets-hip-hop ensembles. Classic black suits were paired with Simmons’ Phat Farm brand sneakers, and NAC president Aldon James rocked a funky bow tie with his signature rose-tinted glasses. But alas, even his distinct style wasn’t enough to set him apart: Simmons confused the NAC president with his twin brother. “Maya Angelou couldn’t figure it out either,” joked James’ brother John, as he snapped pictures with his only slightly outdated disposable camera.

Canvassing the room, I spotted none other than legendary sex therapist Dr. Ruth. Unfortunately, she declined to share any sex tips for Simmons and his photogenic gal pals. “I only talk about sex in my office,” she said. “So if Russell has any questions, he can come there.”

Simmons himself didn’t express a need for Dr. Ruth’s advice, but he was happy to explain his vegan lifestyle. “It may take a little effort for the first few weeks. Then you’ll start getting used to it and you’ll find more and more fun things to eat. ’Cause food’s a drug, and you gotta do the happy drugs rather than the sad drugs, you know what I mean?”

I wasn’t convinced, but tuxedo-clad All-American Rejects frontman Tyson Ritter seemed to find vegan fare appetizing. “How many plates of oatmeal salad do you think I could eat before the crowd sat down?” he asked me in between sips of a rum and Coke. “I’ll just start putting them in my pants… legs full of lettuce.”

Elsewhere in the room, Russell’s brother Danny Simmons and record label exec Andre Harrell praised the man of the hour’s vision and philanthropic work while designer and Angels & Kings owner Jamison Ernest commented on the hip-hop icon’s influence. “When you’ve got a bunch of white people honoring a black guy, you’ve really made it.”