Bash Compactor: Star Struck

Wanna know what will happen to you in 2010? No problem, I can tell you about it after attending astrologer Susan Miller’s all-day seminar “The Year Ahead 2010.” If you’re a Pisces or an Aries, you’re in luck, thanks to Jupiter being in your sign. (Pssssssst! Little secret: set your alarm for Feb. 28 as the most fantabulous 24 hours this year). Everyone will have some good days and some not so good, so listen up.

The event was held at The Three West Club, a fancy joint off Fifth Avenue. After being scared shitless by pictures of Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush hanging in every nook and cranny, I later discovered the building is also home to the Women’s National Republican Club I’ve been following Miller’s monthly horoscopes on astrologyzone.com since 1995 and over the years she’s become a huge industry, with books, calendars, phone apps and 18 million downloads of her forecasts every month. Her predictions are astonishingly accurate, and in the flesh she was proving her point with personal anecdotes, like the time when she left her laptop in a taxi, recovered thanks to Jupiter’s return.

“You’re very intuitive. Any witches in your family?” asked the attractive blonde sitting next to me, a massage therapist at Bliss.

We were eating our vegetarian lunch, some puff pastry concoction with mushrooms.We all had nametags with our date-of-birth. “July 14,” she read. “You must love the water.”You skeptics can scoff, but it’s all true.

After listening to the usual long-winded questions from the star-struck, I finally shouted out, “Susan, you keep saying Cancers will find their true love but nothing happens. When?!” Of course, I never got the answer on that, though I did learn that 2010 will be great for my career. Big deal. “Astrology is not fortunetelling. It’s about your personality and determination,” Miller told me. “You need to tell people what you want or you won’t get it.”