Bash Compactor: Take A Bow, Bitches

Award ceremonies can be a snooze— they certainly aren’t as much fun as partying. So why have them? Well, even club kids and bar owners need a little affirmation. So Paper magazine’s Sixth Annual Nightlife Awards held at Good Units last week wasn’t exactly a blast, but it had its moments and everyone walked away feeling a little better about herself. The winners mostly grabbed a little statue and rushed off the stage, inexplicably shy in a ballsy business ruled by bouncers, boozers and loud music. The fashion was OK, but sadly I saw very few crazy club kid outfits—there were too many desk drones and industry honchos and not enough real party people. Give me a break. Let’s skip the niceties, the modest thanks, and let’s get crazy!

Good moments: Ladyfag’s admission that she’d had some great coke earlier— but maybe she was kidding. Seeing Pee Wee Herman in the flesh open the show was a treat, but where were his signature giggle and absurd mincing? “Lady Gaga’s over there!” he gestured from the podium. Naturally we all looked and he ridiculed our Gaga reflex. After a few more tepid jokes, Herman left the stage, most likely to get ready for the opening of his upcoming Broadway show. The audience drowned out his jokes, but Pee Wee pretended he didn’t care.

Also impressive was the glistening platinum beehive hairdo of Epiphany Got Paid, who tied for the best gay party with the Saturday night soiree at Sugarland. The other winner was the luminous Amanda Lepore and her Big Top on Wednesdays. Another marvelous touch was the fluffy white wedding gown worn by presenter Terence Koh.

My favorite moment of the night had nothing to do with who won or why. It was witnessing Bridget Everett shaking her breasts at an innocent bystander or insouciantly sitting on his lap. What a breath of fresh air in a night of dullsville. I also enjoyed the statuesque Erickatoure Avaiance whipping around her mile-long, Rapunzel-like orange ponytail. Then there was the electrifying electric violin playing of Caitlin Moe paired with the

DJing of Mia Moretti. Note Moretti and Moe won the best DJ award. Moretti going mental on the dance floor made me a fan.

I have to admit that I myself lost “Best Writer” in the 2010 Glammy Awards ceremony last week, but I was glad to be nominated. Still, it seems a shame to spend your night at an awards ceremony for parties instead of being out at one. Hearing about the Friday night Freedom Party at (Le) Poisson Rouge and Flashing Lights at Public Assembly, I turned to my friend and said, “I’ve gotta get out of here, it’s time to find another party!”