Clown school for the FDNY.

Following in the footsteps of Harvey Milk High School, the Fire Department announced last week that they want a high school of their very own, too.

There are two goals: to bolster the flagging number of recruits the FDNY has seen in recent years and to broaden the ethnic base in the traditionally white ranks. All the regular subjects would be taught but with an FDNY subtext. Apart from their normal classes, students would also receive emergency training and help out with FDNY community programs. Graduates would also receive EMS certification, together with a regular diploma, qualifying them for jobs as firefighters, EMTs or paramedics. It sounds like a decent idea. Then it was revealed that the school, which they hope to open in part of East New York's Thomas Jefferson High, would be called "The FDNY Homeland Security HS."

Again: The FDNY Homeland Security HS.

We're unclear as to why "Homeland Security" was appended to the proposal or who was responsible for it, but it's baffling and just plain disturbing. Along with fire safety, are the students going to be taught how to spy on their neighbors, tap phones, spread fear and keep the masses in check? And what are their history and social studies classes going to be like?

Apart from that, though, just thinking a bit more about the proposal in terms of the FDNY, we also have to wonder what sorts of classes might be offered as electives (if not the core curriculum). Considering recent history, we have a few suggestions:

Social Studies 317: "How to Pick Up Chicks by Telling Them You're a Fireman."

Health 139: "How to Drink on the Job and Get Away With It."

History 500: "Why Firemen Are Better than Everyone Else."

Psychology 430: "Milking a Tragedy for All It's Worth."

Phys Ed 132: "The Drunken Brawl" (with a subsection devoted to the use of furniture in drunken brawls).

Economics 316: "Money? What Money?"

And, most important of all, English 602: "The History and Art of the Cover-Up."

The school, if approved by the city council, would be paid for by Bill Gates' New Century High School Initiative.