Cocktails For Your Angry House Guests

Classic holiday drink recipes sure to stoke the palate and political arguments By [Josh Perilo] Monday lunches, for me, are usually spent stocking and ordering wine, a tedious task that can be the bane of any wine director"s existence. Afterward, I"ll often sit at the bar and have a bite to eat in the quiet of a Midtown Monday post-lunch lull. Across the bar from me is the usual Monday bartender, Jesse. Jesse likes to argue. He has an opinion about everything. This works out well for me, since I like to argue, too. Our acerbic conversations range from spiky tête-à-têtes about free market trade, to acidic brawls about the comparison of Constantinian-era Christianity to America"s relationship with big business. This week, however, I found him in a less feisty mood as our conversation turned to food. If there was one thing we could always agree on, it was our mutual love of cooking and cuisine in general. Aside from his own interest in the subject, his wife was trained as a chef, so food is an integral part of their relationship. As our banter veered toward beverages, Jesse began describing a â??killer mulled cider he and his wife had made for a party recently. â??You and Natali have got to try this recipe, he commanded. â??OK, OK, I said, throwing my hands up. â??I"m convinced! Maybe I"ll even write an article about it! So here I am, offering to you some of Angry Jesse"s classic holiday drink recipes. These will be sure to refresh the palates of your friends and fuel the classic holiday-party political arguments that seem to escalate after all of the guests have had a couple cups of â??holiday cheer too many: Malcontent Mulled Cider: Toast 20 black peppercorns, 2 cinnamon sticks, 3 whole cloves and 3 whole allspice berries for a minute or two in a large saucepan. This releases the essential oils and also deepens the flavor of the spices. Watch these closely, though, as they can burn easily. Add 2 quarts of unfiltered cider and bring to a light boil. Turn the heat down and add one-fourth a teaspoon of nutmeg and 1-and-a-half tablespoons of brown sugar. Stir this mixture until it is dissolved. Add 2-3 sliced apples and the zest from half of a lemon and half of an orange. Add a 375-milliliter bottle of cognac and simmer on low heat for 30 minutes. Serve with heated debate regarding Federal Reserve auditing. This serves eight people. Erudite Egg Nog: Separate 6 eggs and set aside the whites. Beat the yolks in a large bowl until they are thick and pale. Much like the conversation at your party, this will take patience. Slowly beat in three-fourths-cup of superfine sugar. Whisk in 2 cups of whole milk and 2 cups of heavy cream. Mix in a half-cup of bourbon, a one-fourth-cup of dark rum and a one-fourth-cup cognac. Cover this mixture and refrigerate. Just before serving, beat the egg whites into stiff peaks. Fold the whites into the eggnog base. Then, whisk an additional 1 cup of heavy cream until stiff peaks form. Fold the beaten cream into the eggnog and sprinkle nutmeg on top. Serve with asinine conversation about the gold standard with guests. This will serve 10. Finally, one of my own: Whiney Mulled Wine: Bind 2 cinnamon sticks, 5 pieces of star anise, 5 cloves and 5 white peppercorns securely in a cheesecloth with string. Dissolve 1-and one-fourth cups of sugar into a 750-milliliter bottle of light- to medium-bodied red wine. A Primitivo will work well. Bring this combination to a boil in a large, heavy-bottom saucepot. Add the cheesecloth full of spices, and the full peel from an orange and a lemon. Lower the heat and let this simmer, uncovered, for four or five minutes. A minute or two before serving, add 1-and-a-half cups of brandy. Let the brandy warm through, then serve with divisive banter about the long-term effects of tariffs on Brazilian cotton. This serves six people. Happy Holidays! Special thanks this week to Jesse Robinson and his wife, Val, for the recipes. _ josh@pennilessepicure.com