Commitment Issues

To The Editor, Kait Remenaric writes a moving but not surprising story (â??Great Expectations of the UES, Nov. 11) about her recent break-up. Here"s my take. Her relationship had just hit two critical milestones: six months and the approaching the holiday season. Both factors may have signaled to Oliver that the two of them were reaching a decision point regarding longer-term commitment. That could have meant, if not marriage, then perhaps engagement, living together or at least an understanding that their union had the potential for permanence. These possibilities may have scared him off; your revised work schedule may simply have been the excuse he was looking for to gracefully bow out. It does not sound as if your mutual affection for each other was the problem. My guess is that the reason was his commitment issues. Interestingly, when Ms. Remenaric mentions her â??quite simple expectations, she never suggests that she"d like to be more than a permanent girlfriend, and perhaps move on to a level of commitment mentioned earlier in this paragraph. And yes, despite the large number of Manhattan singles, finding a suitable partner isn"t easy. Reasons include the challenge people may enjoy in seeking new mates, the poor economy, busy lives that leave little time for dating, men and women being overly selective, the many activities that can be done alone or with friends and the diminished needs for romantic involvement and its complications. These reasons may explain why 2009 Census figures show that nearly 50 percent of those between 25 and 34 never married, an astounding increase from about 20 percent several decades ago. Whether or not the Manhattan dating pool is â??abysmal could be the subject of another lively debate. Hang in there, Kait, and good luck. Leon Mitrani Upper West Side