CUTE CULT OF PERSONALITY

at one time, having a split personality would have you institutionalized. now it'll make you a superstar. miley cyrus/hannah montana was recently at barnes and noble on 46th and fifth to sign her life story (don't you have to live a life before you write an autobiography?) entitled miles to go. as my 11-year-old daughter, meghan, is an adoring fan, we attended. the b and n rule for meeting miley at 4 p.m. was to be at the store at 6 a.m. (i repeat, 6 a.m.) to buy a "bracelet" which got you a book and a place on line to wait all day until miley/hannah arrived with her sharpie marker. meg wanted to go. i said i'd think about it. she said she had to meet miley. i said i had to see. she said she'd die if i didn't take her. i told her she wouldn't die. she said, "we're going." i said, "go to sleep." the next morning my girl, who must be practically thrown out of bed, was up, washed, dressed and ready to roll at 6:15 a.m. i hid under the covers asking my husband what to do? "get up and go meet miley montana." big talk from someone half asleep who could stay that way for another two hours. and so we got in a cab and got to b and n a little past 6:30. much to my surprise (and relief) there was not some line twisting around the block because people had camped out on the sidewalk all night. we waited only about five minutes before we were let in to purchase our bracelet/book. i spoke to a manger and explained that even though i was crazy enough to be there in the wee hours, i was not irresponsible enough to let meg miss school, so we would not be waiting on the line all day. he assured me that only 500 bracelets would be issued and that you'd get in even if you were 500th on the line. since library was her last period, i took meg out of school a bit early. we arrived on line at about 2 p.m. and were still one of the first 120 people. two hours to go. to fill the time, we did meg's homework, compared notes with other parents who were all told the same "i got here at dawn to get a bracelet" story and had our pictures taken by the press that was covering the event. by 3:45, we were inside. the line snaked around the second floor. for the next 45 minutes we inched closer to her. as the excitement built for meghan, the tedium set in for me. just when i was ready to smack miley cyrus with her book, it was our turn to enter the inner sanctum. there she sat-beautiful, bright-eyed and upbeat (wouldn't you be if you were 16 and a zillionaire?). miley was very sweet to meg. they had a short conversation, she signed meg's book and posed for pictures. it was worth the wait to see meg so happy. at the end of the day, i was glad i took meg to meet her idol, with whom i realized i have something in common: i too, have a split personality. one minute i am a rational, responsible mother, the next a psycho 6 a.m.-line-waiting mommy. -- lorraine duffy merkl has been named humor writer of the month by the erma bombeck writers' workshop. her column appears every other week.