Dategirl

CAREFUL READERS MAY recognize the following letter as one that was printed in last week's mail section. Normally I wouldn't bother reprinting it, except my editors didn't give me a chance to respond! Did they ask me if I wanted to fight back? Nooooo! They just took this attack on my good name and ran it as is! And if you know me at all, you know it's imperative that I, Judy McGuire, always get the last word. This rather irritating trait has cost me boyfriends, jobs, countless pals and my dignity on more than one occasion, but I never claimed to be one who learned from her mistakes. So

First of all, the whole meaning of "date" is very ambiguous and in my experience is used euphemistically. Do dates include sex? It seems that you do include sex in the definition of "date," as you mention blowjobs.

In my experience women begin to expect the surrender of all free will and personal dignity in exchange for sex, and even start hinting that you'll eventually be obligated to financially support them for life if the blowjobs are to continue for an extended period. Dating, we see, is the extension of bourgeois, and even feudal property relations. Further, the tedious and humiliating activities and banal conversation, coupled with the amateur attempts at psychological manipulation one must endure in order to fuck in this society don't foster the feelings of respect and affection that assure a longer-term relationship. I suggest men pursue women from outside of the U.S. where women are more healthy sexually.

I would have thought that the "feminist" struggles of the past liberated sex from bourgeois property relations and repressive social prejudice. Maybe it is many women's adherence to reactionary social mores and their desire to be ultimately nothing more than breeding drones and housewives that make many of us angry and bitter.

The unthinking adherence to superficial, silly social constructs which constrain rather than liberate sexual activity hinder your ability to give healthy sexual advice, and I would hope you purge your mind of suburban 1950s prejudices before fostering the alienation of any man who doesn't conform to them.

I would truly like to hear your response to these points even if you don't publish this.

Liberated Fuck

Hola, Liberated!

I can tell by the way you bandy about terms like "feudal property relations" and "psychological manipulation" that I'm dealing with a fella who's got a bit of book- learnin' under his belt! Someone on this page paid attention during freshman Psych and World History 101.

You sure did cover some ground in that there little missive, so being a simple-minded, unenlightened, repressed bougie housewife type, I'm just going to take it from the top.

My definition of a date is when two (or more) people who are sexually oriented toward each other (be it boy/girl, boy/boy, girl/girl, boy/lucky girl/boy, etc.) and have a previously undefined relationship with each other meet at a predetermined place at a set time. Date activities can range anywhere from the innocentlike a walk in the park or a round of miniature golfto the prurient; say a game of naked Crisco Twister with a pair of unneutered bassett hounds. A date may or may not include oral pleasurings; I leave that up to the individual participants.

It's rather ironic that you accuse me of being a 50s housefrau whilst you are the one suffering from the delusion that women hate sex and dole it out only in an attempt to get men to buy them stuff. Hell, I love sex. Hang on to your hat, because I also happen to adore blowjobsand my man doesn't need to hand over his dignity or a major credit card for the pleasure. Lest you think me some nymphomaniacal aberration, I assure you that all of my lady friends are also gleeful practitioners of the sweaty arts.

Though you don't come out and say so, the subtext of your letter is that you're a cranky guy who can't get his dick wet without renewing his passport and jetting off to a non-English-speaking country. See, the thing you're not getting is that it's not that foreign women are more "sexually healthy" than their American counterparts, it's just that they're more likely to bang you because they don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Trust me on thisI went through a long period of dating ESL boys exclusively. Why? Because our inability to understand each other's language meant that it took them that much longer to piss me off. Someone who has to struggle to communicate every word is a lot more economical with their speech. (I don't kid myself that this was a one-sided plus, as I've been known to be a bit yappy myself.) So you see, it's not that English-speaking women don't like sexit's that we don't like sex with you.

That you mentioned the tedious and banal conversations you are forced to sit through just to get into some poor dame's panties cracked me right up. Talk about tedious I could barely get through your letter without nodding off. And that was after I chopped it down to a manageable size. I can't imagine the interminable hell that would be an evening spent in your company. (Though you might be able to slip a finger in while I was passed out from boredom.)

A pal's ex-crackhead/now 12-stepping sister once told her that you attract what you are. I don't necessarily buy this, as it would mean that I am a squat sanitation worker who makes the kissy noise at any and all skirt-wearing passersby, but I think there is an element of truth to her borrowed rhetoric. You appear to be an emotionally stingy man who exhibits all the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder (you weren't the only one who took freshman Psych!). Because you think so highly of yourself, you wind up with your chick equivalent. It ain't pretty, but sometimes looking into the mirror is scary. Hope this clears things up for you. o