Dokken Moves On

HOW CAN YOU not trust an organization whose very name is dedicated to the belief that certain men are allowed to commit perjury in sexual harassment cases? MoveOn.org knows a lot about corruption and lies, so I take it seriously when they're hosting a Ritz-Carlton press conference for the documentary Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch's War on Journalism. And let's not pretend this isn't entertainment. There's nothing funnier than seeing a CNN camera crew setting up to cover another network's supposed political bias.

In fact, it's a stellar collection of douchebags gathered to hear one of the lamest press conferences in history. At least the journalists can brag that their lame questions couldn't be worse than the speakers' answers. We start with Eric Alterman, author of What Liberal Media? The Truth About Bias and the News. This is the genius whose own big theory proves that ABC is the most liberally biased network in history. "I hope that everybody's here for the right reason," he announces. Alterman naturally assumes the media understands the right reason.

Let's get the tension out of the way and concede that Outfoxed is a joke in every way. The doomed premise is best demonstrated by some supposedly damning internal memos. The documents really prove how Fox News is winning a huge audience by pursuing stories ignored by the liberal media. Outfoxed director Robert Greenwald is certainly aware that he's failed. "These people at Fox are very intelligent," he whines, explaining why his documentary fails to make its case. Greenwald keeps explaining that there's "no individual smoking gun," and we have to connect the dots ourselves to find "patterns." He can be sure that the media will do that job for him.

For example, lefty stooge Larry Fine-who covers MoveOn for Reuters like Tiger Beat used to cover Leif Garrett-is on hand to ask a promotional question. CNN's Deborah Feyerick is also eager to help Greenwald play the martyr. At least Fox News is sporting enough to send a real incompetent to the event. After the conference, I'll helpfully pull the Fox reporter aside to point out a particularly glaring omission by Greenwald. It takes a while. This guy couldn't connect the dots in my copy of the A-Team Activity Book.

If you're really outraged about a news organization investigating the corrupt activities of Jesse Jackson, then you can side with veteran newsman Jon Du Pre. Ordinary folks are more concerned with how ABC, CBS, CNN and NBC avoid covering that corruption. Du Pre isn't present at the press conference, but the line-up of former Fox News contributors is still one sorry bunch. David Korb is particularly pathetic, desperately promoting his resume while pretending that his participation in Outfoxed is some kind of bad career move.

Larry C. Johnson is the token outraged Republican and former Fox News contributor. Considering Johnson's history of news analysis, the Democrats and CNN are welcome to have him. Clara Frenk is memorable for how much she resents Fox News' allowing young women to comment on Bill Clinton's sex scandal. And there's some batty lady from Common Cause who keeps taking the podium and rambling on about conspiracy theories. I keep expecting Greenwald to give her a quarter.

The press conference comes to a fitting end with an outraged leftist reporter from Pacifica Radio. He shouts out a question that's totally incoherent and self-referential. There's a long, awkward pause while everyone on the podium figures out who'll try to answer that nonsense. Nobody's honest enough to ask the guy what the hell he's talking about.

It's finally left to Alterman to stumble through the idiocy. After all, he speaks the language. Then everybody leaves in embarrassment. If this is moving on, then I'm digging in my heels and staying back with the Reagan Revolution of the 80s. And to prove it, I'm heading to a Midtown sushi bar and drinkin' with Dokken-or, specifically, Don Dokken and guitarist Jon Levin.

They've got potent taste in sake, too. "This is how our albums get made," Levin notes. This explains Dokken's being able to order "one more" in Japanese. It also explains why Hell to Pay sounds like a great singer/songwriter album recorded by an established rock act. They've made the record that people were expecting from the Cure.

"It's made by two miserable, subdued guys," Levin concedes. "That's us."

"It's dark," adds Dokken. "It's a dark country. I'm the most depressed I've been in several years. It really gets under my skin when-remember when Britney Spears got married to that guy for about eight hours? Every time they talked about that, they push the figures with the dead American soldiers down to the bottom banner on CNN. They brought in a handwriting expert to make sure it was really her signature from the chapel. I'm thinking, 'This is fucked up, man.'"

As it turns out, I'm not really in agreement with Dokken's politics. It's still nice to finally hear somebody today talking about real issues. At least Dokken sounds believable when he talks about the economic hardships in the heartland. Dokken-the man and the band-aren't distracted by pop culture, either. Both guys are surprised to learn the title of their new song "Prozac Nation" is not an original turn of phrase.

To be fair, Don Dokken's earned his disdain for the younger scene. "I know I'm supposed to be this old shallow poseur," he says. "There's a lot of hypocrisy out there. We found that out on a show with Sevendust and Social Distortion. I'm walking around, and there's nothing going on backstage that wasn't back in 1982. Who was that guy with the shaved head? Mr. Depression, Mr. I-Smoke-25-Joints-A-Day? Hell, I watched him smoke five joints in five minutes. I'm trying to introduce my daughter to him: 'This is my daughter, Jessica. She wanted to meet you. Could you kinda get that hash out of your face for a second?'"

Dokken-the man-sounds a lot like what we'd hope for in an old, rich rocker. He's got nothing to lose and doesn't care about maintaining his cool. Dokken and Levin are a pretty good team, too, sitting around in praise of Miles Davis and dismissing Vernon Reid. ("The worst player I've ever heard," says Dokken.) It's a pretty long sake session, and these guys sound like the most sincerely dedicated musicians I've met in years.

"If I cared about money," says practicing attorney Levin, "I sure wouldn't be touring. And we love our fans; we try to do everything we can for them, but I don't understand what they're thinking sometimes. Myself, as a fan, I've never tried to go on another band's tour bus. These fans today expect it."

"And they're typing on the internet on their way home from the show," Dokken adds, "'Don's still an asshole.' Fuck it. I've stopped trying."

It's not about the adoration or the money. It certainly isn't about the fawning media coverage. Most impressive, it isn't about Don Dokken's inflated sense of self-worth: "I understand if nobody cares what a middle-aged man has to say about life. Who gives a shit? It's just that I care. This'll still be the last line-up of Dokken. It breaks my heart to see some bands I've known over the years, playing clubs where they're pushing the pool tables out of the way. That's sad. Accept that a beautiful thing happened to you, and you had fun. Go back to school, write a book, move on." o