Getting Personal With Shilpa Ray

Through rock music, the songwriter often projects the persona they want their audience to see. From calm and collected to romantic to angry, the range of character is often limited to the artist's own fear of revealing too much. Shilpa Ray bares it all. Any flaws are presented in perfect clarity. The dynamic range of emotions delivered is raw and genuine, as if any filter has been removed. It's a frightening yet engaging situation for both performer and listener. Awkward and in your face, her voice presents a portrait of a woman who's experienced a life filled with real ups and downs. She sounds like a banshee singing the gospel of the fucked up, the fucked over, the frustrated and honest, but there's a beauty within it all. Maybe it's just the pure passion she emits, but it's deeply inspiring to see her not only truly be herself but present herself in an engaging way.

I've had the privilege of getting to know Ray on a personal level, which I recently used to my advantage in getting her to open up about her parents, childhood and everything that led her to become the type of  musician she is today.

You were raised in New Jersey in a pretty traditional Indian family, which led to you playing harmonium at an early age. As a kid, what were your feelings towards the harmonium and the traditional Indian music that your parents wanted you to learn?

Isolating. I also studied piano and classical dance as a child. Before junior high and high school I grew up in a working class neighborhood in New Jersey. It was the '80s and my parents, along with a couple other families, were the first wave of South Asians to live there and we, their children, were the first to go to public school in that town. My sister and I were considered half niggers or black Indians when we were growing up. Our predominately white neighbors would shoot their BBs through our windows, throw shit at us when we walked home from school, chase us with sun tan lotion, all to make sure we knew we didn't belong. During the Persian Gulf War, they decided to mistake us for Iraqis and vandalized our property. My parents would put up a Christmas tree every winter and an American Flag at all times to ward off the evil. I would imagine that India was down the street through the wooded lot behind my elementary school. If I was a good girl I would escape and go there.

I can't remember when my parents introduced me to Indian music, but my parent were not bullshitters, they were bold and they wanted us to know where we came from. Other than the Christmas tree and flag, they made it appoint to tell us that we weren't typical Americans and we should never expect to be treated as such. Not sure how I feel about that now but that's how it was.

My obsession with music and sound actually comes from my dad. He has an incredible voice, rich, earnest and full of pain. One of his favorite songs that he sang to us as kids was "Rain Drops Keep Falling On my Head." Before he banned all Western music from the house, we'd listen to the oldies on AM radio. He loved the Stones, Jefferson Airplane, The Beatles, ABBA, The Carpenters, Elvis, Sinatra, Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, Diana Ross and Donna Summer. My first exposure to Indian music comes from old Bollywood music from movies I'd watch when I was a kid. SD Burman, RD Burman and Hemant Kumar are some of my favorite composers till this day.

When did you realize that this instrument could be utilized for a more unique approach towards rock music?

When I was in high school. We moved to a more affluent town when I was 12 and I couldn't compete with the other students. My grades started to drop and of course Nirvana happened. Nirvana was a big fucking deal and still is because that band twisted the nuts of American society. It sounds lame to talk about something that has already been talked about a great deal, but the early '90s made a huge mark on me. By the time I hit the 8th grade, I was loud, obnoxious, cynical and tough. I made the rich chicks cry in the bathroom for messing with me, and made friends with the delinquents. I'm a scrawny, bizarre looking Indian chick, a total weirdo, but when I heard that music I felt powerful. I wanted to make music or be creative in some way because it was free of rules and societal limitations. The only problem was that I wasn't allowed to play the guitar, so I had to find things in my house that I could play around with when my parents weren't home.

As a child, were you strictly raised on traditional Indian music, or was there other types of sounds influencing your young mind?

The Western music ban started when I was 8 and lasted till I left for college. My sister and I were sneaky kids and would make the excuse of going to the library. Most public libraries have decent music collections and we would hide tapes and CDs in books when we'd borrow them. There was also the Princeton Record Exchange. I'd cut class a lot. I used to have friends transfer CDs to tape so I could listen to them since I didn't have a CD player of my own till my senior year in high school. My sister brought in a lot of NWA, Public Enemy, Junior Mafia, Biggie, Mary J Blige, Eurythmics and Depeche Mode. I brought in the Doors, Velvet Underground, Smashing Pumpkins, The Cramps, New York Dolls, Joy Division, The Stooges, Patti Smith, Bauhaus, Sid Barrett era Pink Floyd, man this list can go on...

Oddly, when I read about your parents making you play harmonium as a kid instead of the desired guitar, i couldn't help but think of the story of Weird Al and his acordion. Being the only one playing this instrument may initially make you feel less cool and on the outside, but in the end seems to give you an edge. Would you agree?

I will always have an edge regardless of what I play or do with my life. I'm that kind of asshole.

How young were you when you began singing?

I was around 3 when my mom stopped and heard me sing. I wasn't singing opera or anything fancy. She was surprised I could carry a tune. I remember being embarrassed and terrified. I was a shy quiet kid, but very aware. I was into singing "Beat It" and the theme song to My Little Pony.

Has music always been the outlet for you to release your pain and frustrations?

Yes, but I still feel like a student in so many ways. I'd like to fine tune myself—play other instruments confidently, because it's fun. Everyone goes crazy for prodigies, ready-made geniuses, or any easy gimmick you need to sell and get a good review from Pitchfork or whatever new dick you have to suck in the current month to be considered legit. I think that shit is fake. I know that I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of territories I'd like to explore. I'm comfortable with that. I'm comfortable with failing. I want to work. I learn a lot from my peers.

You and your songs are pretty honest and revealing. Has there ever been a time where you wrote a song and thought "there's no way I can perform that live"?

There's no turning back now is there? When you write, it's on the page. Its existence is reality.

How do your parents feel about your music and lyrics?

They do not know, and you will not tell them. Shh...

The entertainment industry is full of judgmental people there to pick apart your every flaw, and others there to use you for their own personal gain. How do you filter through all the bullshit to keep track of who's real and who you can trust?

I work two jobs, pay rent, taxes, move equipment around with the boys and have band mates I love playing music with. I don't give a rat's ass about how anyone thinks of me. As a consumer, the entertainment industry should care about how I think of them.

Do you feel more comfortable on stage with a band or by yourself, and do you feel the therapeutic nature of performance changes when it's you alone with no one to hide your mistakes?

I like both. The band makes me feel young. My band mates are fun, kick ass musicians. It a serious privilege for me to play with them. Solo makes me feel old, more introspective. It's fun not to feel the same way all the time.

If you had any advise for your 6-year-old self, what would it be?

Never stop being your 6-year-old self.