| 11 Nov 2014 | 02:11

    One is overly angsty; the other is far too precious. Both wear black on the outside because it’s how they feel on the inside. Whether you’re into popping zits or pop songs, letting the world see your sadness requires dead-serious dedication. So light up your cloves and make sure your black clothes all match—after all, you can’t spell funeral without fun.

    1. Black wig. If you want the world to know how sad it makes you, it’s best to start from the top. Messing with blue-black hair dye can stain your delicate palms, so donning fake tresses is the way to go.

    2. Blank stare. People are always saying that the eyes are windows to the soul—but since you haven’t got soul, it’s best to keep ‘em glazed over and in a fixed stare. Unless you want to wear those cat-eye contacts, but that’s pretty next level.

    3. Pale skin. You hate the outdoors, abhor sports and would rather stay in your room than go anywhere—of course you’re pale. But it doesn’t hurt that haughty Victorians, corpses and your other role models were also incredibly pallid.

    4. Marker to write on face. Guyliner is passé and teardrop tattoos aren’t part of the Trash and Vaudeville employee dress code, so break out a Sharpie when you want to use your ghoulish flesh as a billboard. Extra points for using a Rimbaud quote.

    5. Cape. You’re a fucking goth, what else would you wear?

    Antony and the Johnsons, Oct. 16, Apollo Theatre, 253 W. 125 St. (at Frederick Douglass Blvd.), 212-531-5305; 8, $58.50-$68.50