HERES THE SLOGAN from a t-shirt being sold by the ...
Another Free Speech Coalition t-shirt reads, "If the censors get rid of 'God Damn,' they will get rid of God next." I actually try to make sense of that one for a while, but then remember that I'm at the East Coast Video Show at the Atlantic City Convention Center?an event with a mainstream vendor section and a huge area reserved for porn-company booths.
Ergo, all logic is lost. This explains why Mary Carey is strolling through the crowd on opening day. She should be pursuing her gubernatorial campaign in California, but I run into her shooting promos for Playboy TV.
It turns out that she's a columnist for my former employer. I would've stayed on if I'd known the magazine would become a political journal. Still, the logical assumption is that Mary's honoring an out-of-state commitment made long ago.
Again with the useless logic. "It's all really last minute," Carey explains, "but I got to do Howard Stern today, so that was good. And, you know, I love hanging out with porn people." I don't know why, though. Unlike Mary Carey, most porn people know who John Ashcroft is.
There is, however, another kind of person who loves hanging out with porn people. They plan their vacations around this kind of event. The East Coast Video Show is kind of a Lourdes for 400-pound guys seeking the miracle of touching porn-star boobie. And the ladies are there to oblige any misshapen sap willing to pay the registration fee. The gals work hard to represent their respective studios, too, signing their names and spending long hours posing for photos with creeps lined up to grope their bodies.
It would be inspiring if I hadn't seen a certain porn mag covergirl wiping away her tears mere minutes before the convention opened. In contrast, nobody works harder or happier than porn veteran Nina Hartley. "Did you get his hands on my ass?" she asks, reluctant to let a guy move on before she's sure the full magic moment was caught in camera frame.
Tera Patrick breaks tradition by charging $10 for her autographed pics, but she still gets a long line of guys. Maybe they're waiting out of sympathy for the megastar's well-publicized financial problems. They're certainly lined up politely, out of respect for Tera's scary boyfriend Evan Seinfeld. Ron Jeremy signs for free, but he's the only talent who does so while talking on his cellphone. He's a very busy man.
Best news of the convention is that the Metro Channel's Naked New York with Bob Berkowitz has been cancelled. That's one less show to constantly book guests from my articles?which would've been okay if they hadn't refused to book me once they found out I'm a Republican. No great loss for frequent Naked guest?and New York Press Best Adult Filmmaker?Joe Gallant, either: "It was like doing The David Susskind Show."
But there's also good Metro, as I'm reminded later at the Deja Vu nightclub's taping of Metro Interactive's The Ron Jeremy Roast?and, boy, I can't wait for that video to come out, so I can finally figure out what was happening onstage. My head's spinning so fast that I actually seek clarification from the Guest of Honor. "Ron," I ask, "did you understand anything that was going on up there?"
"A little," he replies. Holy Christ, it's a sad day when Ron Jeremy has an edge in general cognizance.
I take comfort in knowing that it's not entirely a sock-it-to-me Laugh In world. Earlier in the day, I see the Free Speech Coalition's exhibit being dismantled in the front of the main hall. Bikinied beauty Summer Haze is signing a few last autographs. FSC board member Bill Margold explains that event organizers have decided that the booth is too racy to be out in the main area.
I'd been wondering why he wasn't already in the Adult section. "I wanted to be out here," Margold replies, "so I could reach the people who wouldn't come to the Adult side."
"And did people use their free speech to complain?"
"Well, yeah, basically."
[jrt@nypress.com](mailto:jrt@nypress)