I am a 15-year-old girl and I haven’t even been ...

-Kissless

I know it's spring and you see many of your classmates running around in attractive Gap maternity clothing, but the reality is, most 15-year-olds haven't been kissed yet. So relax.

I was wondering what your advice would be to a 23-year-old female virgin. For the last year I really have not dated much, because I was busy climbing the corporate ladder. However, I do not want to be crowned the oldest virgin alive either. At this point I'm ready to jump any guy that I am at all attracted to, but there just is no one that fits that bill. What should I do?

-23-Year-Old Nun

Here's the deal: Men are easy. You want to lose your virginity-not a problem. There was a bleak period in my life where I'd gone without sex for two (count 'em, two!) years. After one year of celibacy, you're officially a born-again virgin. (See The Accidental Virgin, by Valerie Frankel.) After two years, your vagina seals itself shut. (See me, a few years back.)

Because I've never been one to suffer in silence, I spent most of those 728 days whining and moaning about the sad state of my cobweb-covered nether-region to anyone who'd listen. Finally, a fed-up girlfriend dragged me to Lakeside Lounge, forced drinks down my gullet and poured me into a cab with a 21-year-old boy named Ernie. Mission accomplished.

I realize that advising a young, inexperienced lady to get liquored up and fuck a stranger probably isn't the most responsible advice, but it worked for me. Here are a couple other options:

? If you don't know anyone you find attractive, go meet new people. There are myriad ways to do this, the easiest of which is online personals-especially if you just want to get laid. Just point and click. One-stop shtupping.

? Beg one of your male friends to fuck you. You'd be surprised how amenable men can be.

? Hire a pro.

? Wait until you fall in love and get married. Who cares if meeting your soulmate takes 20 more years. You and your beloved will know that you saved your precious (albeit desiccated) cherry for someone special.

I've been dating this guy for about a month. The thing is, there's this game-playing that goes on. (I admit that I start most of it.)

In order to protect myself, I make him believe that a relationship is the last thing that I want. I lie about places I'm going. I do that to make him think that I'm just not like totally sitting around for him to call. I make up exciting stories and of course mention that my "guy friends" were there. He totally gets jealous about the stuff I say. Like the other night, I was over at his place and he was like, "I know you're seeing other people, but I really want you to be my girl."

I don't know if he was being serious or if he was just trying like really hard to get some, seeing as I was holding out on him because I was pissed.

I'm just trying to decide how or if I should continue to play these games, and in fact if he's trying to play one on me! I do like him, but I don't want to lose the ball out of my court. I know that sounds completely childish, but I refuse to lose the game. I just don't want to keep playing these games if he really does like me.

Can you help at all??

-Confused

I am like so totally happy I'm not a teenager anymore. Like, totally! Listen young lady-quit your game-playing and go get yourself an afterschool job. You need a hobby, not a boyfriend.

As a 17-year-old college student in this sexualized era of American culture, it doesn't take long to realize that dating is cheap and sex is cheaper. Recently I have found myself craving a relationship that I could find intellectually stimulating along with being sexually satisfying. But while most evaluate a person, then use sex to strengthen the love, I use sex for fun and form bonds only through the friendship that lies at the roots of any functional relationship. This, however, requires that I find someone whom I consider both sexually exciting and who could make a good best friend. Since this means basically finding a model who also happens to be self-assured, witty, intelligent, ambitious and, most importantly, able to communicate logically, I could find myself searching for quite some time. Do you recommend I give into this urge and begin my quest for this Holy Grail of functional relationships or simply persevere in my promiscuous ways, taking advantage of my sex appeal while I still have it?

-Confident Yet Confused

Dude, you are like totally the most pedantic teenager I've ever encountered. Shouldn't you be out at a kegger or pledging a frat or shoveling drugs down your throat?

Are you the questioning type? Write [dategirl@nypress.com](mailto:dategirl@nypress.com) or Dategirl, c/o New York Press, 333 7th Ave., 14th fl., NY, NY 10001.