I am writing to you because I need a woman’s ...

I am writing to you because I need a woman's answer to this very important question in my life. I am a senior citizen, and I have fallen in love with a much younger dance teacher. It was love at first sight for myself. Once we became better acquainted, I asked for a date. Her reply was to laugh in my face. She also made some very uncomplimentary remarks and then laughed again. I refused to speak to her for a few months, but we later got together and started to go out.

On our very first date she gave me guidelines that she expected me to follow. These were: no hand-holding, no kissing and absolutely no sex. I have religiously followed these because I wanted to show that I respected her. We have been on a cruise and trips to Canada where we had to spend the night together in a hotel. On both occasions our beds have been two inches apart and I never made a move toward her because in my mind, respect is a very important part of being in love. And I do love her very much. In fact, I have furnished her apartment, because when she felt like she could trust me, she invited me in. Much to my great horror, I found her sleeping on the floor on a mattress. The following day we purchased her a sofa bed, as well as a fur coat, which she likes.

From time to time we purchased additional items for her. I do not mind spending money on her and have never made mention of "If I do this for you, what are you doing for me?" I have promised her I would respect her, and I have, because I love her. I once asked her, "Were you a virgin bride?" Her reply was, "You're so old-fashioned?get with it." Her answer made me understand that she had had many affairs. This is in her conscience; mine is clear. Yes, I am somewhat old-fashioned, but I can swing as hard and well as any experienced person. She claims I am a very special person to her, but she will not become my wife. I have asked her many times and it just bounces off her. I am deeply troubled by this, and before I do something drastic that could change my life, I have to ask your opinion. Should I pursue this woman and try to marry her or just say goodbye and leave? Thank you.

-Worried

You don't need a woman's opinion, you need a kick in the ass. Twinkletoes has made it abundantly clear that you are never ever getting in her knickers, yet still you stick around, plying her with furniture and furs, thinking that perhaps a shiny new coffee table will be the thing that finally pries the panties away from her mercenary ass.

Accepting your gifts shows exceptionally poor judgment on her part, but it also sounds like she's been abundantly clear about her feelings (or lack thereof) for you. It sucks, but your attraction is one-sided. Surely you didn't get to be a senior citizen without ever having an unrequited crush or two? That's what this is?a crush.

Love at first sight is a myth. What you're talking about is lust. Lust is a very different animal than its four-letter cousin, though sometimes it's easy to confuse the two. God knows I've done it on more than a dozen occasions. You can try to dress up your urge to bone this dancing minx by cloaking it in hearts and flowers, but c'mon?it's the perv urge. And that's okay.

Didn't the fact that she laughed in your face (ouch!) when you asked her out give you a clue that she's not the gal for you? Not only that, but she's mean! Perhaps you should start looking for women a tad more age-appropriate. Ones who like you back. I'm sure they're out there.

You say you don't mind buying her stuff, but by the way you brought up the quid pro quo crap, it's obviously chapping your ass. Sure, you feel like you're being taken advantage of (and maybe you are), but whose fault is that? No matter how much you'd like to pin this on her, it sounds like she's been straight with you; you, on the other hand, refuse to listen. Regardless of what you claim, I don't get the feeling that you respect her either. It sounds like you're afraid to push it?not out of respect, but because you know that if you did, she'd tell you to piss off. Which would probably be the best thing for both of you.

I don't really understand this kind of pathetic persistence?haven't you been humiliated enough? (The correct answer to that is YES.) You're not alone in this, either?any person worth talking to has fallen for someone who hasn't fallen back. It's one of those sucky yet inevitable parts of life. Being shot down keeps you humble. You feel like crap, sulk for a while, sob along to sad songs, eat, drink and/or smoke too much and then you move on. I repeat: In love/lust/whatever, just like the song says?everybody plays the fool sometime. (Sing it!) This week is your turn, next week it'll be mine again.

Which brings me to your last comment?just what kind of drastic measure are you thinking of taking? You're kinda creeping me out there, gramps. Please don't do anything weird. I'd really hate to see this scenario turn up on Law & Order next season.