Led Zeppelin nerds screen the new DVD.

| 16 Feb 2015 | 06:23

    "Baby, if you spill bong water on my pants, I'll kill you."

    This is what Kati, a lifelong weed smoker, said to her boyfriend?a confirmed drinker?on the night that 10 rabid fans gathered in Brooklyn to view the new Led Zeppelin DVD. When it comes to getting the Led out, boozehounds and stoners must learn one another's ways.

    By the end of the viewing, I was in deep shit. The review copy truncated the final five-and-a-half-hour-long release into two hours by omitting interviews, tv appearances and some concert footage. When my guests realized this, a belligerent whine struck up from the chairs and couches, even from behind the refrigerator door where someone was retrieving another Miller.

    Luckily, we agreed that everyone was too wasted to make it through any more late footage of Robert Plant; we would reunite with the entire release in hand.

    These are my people. Anyone willing to commit almost six hours of life to watching old Zep footage is in a special class of band nerd and, consequently, is just like family. They would never kick you out, even when you come home trashed at 11 in the morning. The abrupt two hours of strictly concert footage felt like getting kicked out of a party for being too drunk, too early.

    The same night as our viewing, the surviving members of Led Zeppelin screened the shortened DVD for a much bigger audience in London. Few other than Jimmy Page (who pieced together the old footage) knew at that time what the final version would look like. The chronological highlights of concerts from 1970, 1973, 1975 and 1979 rocked, proving theory after theory for those of us too young to remember the day Bonham died: Page is a mad genius, Bonzo an uncontrollable force of nature, Jonesy a recluse even on stage (with a damn good wardrobe) and Plant, though gay from the start, just got gayer as he got more comfortable on stage (singing "Aww suck it. Push. Push." over a guitar solo). The Song Remains the Same did not catch the vibe of a show in the way this does. You see how Zep whipped the crowd into a frenzy and just how much the band loved playing from early on to the near end of their time.

    Bonham's appearances capture what even his band never got to see live, and it will give you goose bumps. The next time I heard "Houses of the Holy," I could visualize Bonham killing his kit. Thanks to the legend outlined in the biography Stairway to Heaven, Bonham's "Moby Dick" took on a whole new meaning as the band filed backstage to get blowjobs.

    A three-CD set, How the West Was Won, has also been released and showcases aspects of the Zep prowess yet to be observed out of a concert hall. Recorded in L.A. and Long Beach in 1972, the pinnacle for Led Zep, the tracks clarify influences from Pink Floyd to Muddy Waters that are buried on album versions. Unfortunately, the 23:07 minute version of "Whole Lotta Love," working in a medley of rock classics like "Let's Have a Party," comes off like old fart wanking. But the way Page tweaks melodies using his old Yardbirds style refreshes all those familiar riffs.

    By the 1979 footage, Zep got haggard: Bonham had bloated, Jones barely moved and Page kept sweeping his arm over the audience like a gigantic magic wand. Though he's a great fucking guitarist, he comes off like a ridiculous imitation of a rock star, like your uncle trying to cover "Smoke on the Water" without a back-up band at a family BBQ. Robert Plant seems like a big, gay megalomaniac in love with his microphone. I lost my starry eyes for a moment. But upon closer examination, or maybe reflecting on our small audience actually cheering when Pagey switched from the 12- to the six string of his doubleneck guitar, Plant and Page may have been the biggest Led Zep fans of us all, with an uncontrollable enthusiasm that rendered even Robert utterly uncool and Jimmy a total oddity.

    It's that blind love for what they did that made Led Zeppelin one of the coolest bands in the world, even today.