Life cycle moments
GRAYING NEW YORK
By Marcia epstein
Thirteen years ago, John and I walked across Central Park after we got a phone call that my grandchild was about to be born. When we arrived at Mt. Sinai Hospital, I learned that the baby was a girl, and that her name would be Jessica Rose. Little Jessica grew into a bit of a hellion: she upturned the salt at restaurants, when she was not under the table or running around between the tables. But of course she was an adorable child and her pretty little face and impish smile captivated us all. Along came two little brothers, and time marched on.
On Saturday, Jan. 7, I watched as my devilish little granddaughter, transformed into a beautiful young woman, chanted the haftarah at her bat mitzvah. I am not religious and neither is my daughter, but tradition is tradition and Jessica wanted to do this. My little Jessica, now on the verge of womanhood, cheeks blooming and eyes sparkling, handled the event with such self-confidence and dignity that it brought tears to my eyes. I thought again of how my Aunt Chana, who left Poland for America with my father, always said, “Let the family grow.” Well, it has, and how I wish she could somehow know about “this little bud that is now flowering,” as my daughter said to her own daughter at the ceremony. I was a proud grandmother, indeed.
On to other subjects. I went to lunch on Long Island with John and his sister on a recent Saturday. At the next table were two young women, somewhere in their 20s. One of them was on her cell phone the entire meal. I couldn’t help noticing that she didn’t say a word to her dining partner; didn’t even lift her head. Along came the owner/manager with a slice of birthday cake and candle. In the most amazing voice, he sang “Happy Birthday” to the one without the cellphone. His beautiful voice, flourishes and all, awed the whole room. Except for the young woman on the cellphone, who never looked up. Not once did she glance at her friend or the singer or the cake or the meal. Her friend might as well have been alone. I couldn’t take my eyes off her, just waiting for her to smile or talk or somehow acknowledge what was happening around her. It never happened; she never took her eyes off her phone. Is this the new norm? I’m sure this was an extreme case of ... what? Rudeness, or just what is happening in the culture now. I surely hope not, because if it is, someday humankind will lose all ability to voice their thoughts and need machines to do it for them. I was both mesmerized and appalled at the scene. We all gave the singer a hearty bravo to make up for the disinterest of the cellphone-struck young woman. I’m still shaking my head in disbelief.
I first heard of Joan Price on Senior Planet when she responded to a woman who felt she had to give up on sex because of insecurity about her body and her ability to please a man. Joan reassured the woman that she was not defective because her body was aging. Price is the author of “The Ultimate Guide to Sex after 50: How to Maintain — or Regain — A Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life.” Visit her blog (www.nakedatourage.com) and her Facebook page. She has also written a memoir, “Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty.” Older women need these positive messages and need to know that they are not undesirable or “defective” because they’re not 25 anymore. Joan calls herself an “advocate for ageless sexuality.” Joan fell in love at the age of 57 after long years of being single. This new passion is what led her to write her memoir.
I know many women who are not at all interested in sex after 60, but I know many who are. Neither should be judged; we are who we are. But positive messages about our aging bodies and varying needs is so important. I’m about to order Joan’s books, and know I will find them inspiring. Perhaps you will too.