Street wise, computer naive

GRAYING NEW YORK

BY MARCIA EPSTEIN

I consider myself a savvy, sophisticated New Yorker. I scoff at the naivete of those who are scammed. How did they fall for it — it’s so obvious. What were they thinking? Well, guess what, I was scammed. I fell like a ton of bricks. When a message came up on my computer, I called that number instead of the Time Warner number I had, and somehow was talked into undoing the very good antivirus program I had for another. I was skeptical, kept saying “I don’t know whether to believe you,” but they wore me down with their “sincerity” and even showed me a photo of who was supposedly hacking me.

So I fell for it. I was tired, exhausted from the back and forth, the sincere assurances, the return phone calls. After a day or two I was rested and called my terrific computer guy, told him the story and he told me I’d been scammed. And so I ended up paying him to come and undo it, and I was lucky because the credit card company refunded my money (“we know that company,” they said), and all ended up OK. But boy, was I embarrassed. It can happen to anybody, even a skeptic like me. Watch out, these scammers are clever and convincing. Pretty scary world out there.

On another topic, I’m learning to cast aside guilt and say no when I have to. Not just saying no to friends when it’s necessary, but knowing that it’s okay to say no and not feel guilty. So many of my friends and acquaintances are quintessential New York senior women. They have tickets; oh, do they have tickets. Tickets to the opera, tickets to plays, Broadway, (on, off- and off-off-), tickets to concerts. They seem to be constantly on the go and loving it. Taking courses, going to multiple exercise classes, joining group after group. And travel. Oh, do they travel. Not only in the United States but to all corners of the world.

Some of my “no” is just my own preferences. I am a reader and pretty much a homebody. I like good movies, a short walk, lunch with friends, and then a good book and maybe a nap. However, a lot of my no is because I have fibromyalgia and spinal arthritis, and I just can’t do it. If the arthritis is in my back and knees isn’t enough to ground me, then the fibromyalgia is. Try telling people you have fibromyalgia. Most of them have never heard of it, or pooh-pooh it (as many doctors do) as a figment of the imagination. Well no, it isn’t! It causes intense fatigue as well as pain in the soft tissue all over the body. Some days are better than others. This is not to say that I don’t know how lucky I am not to have something worse when so many people are coping with so much worse. But a fibro flare can ground you like a bad flu. And it doesn’t show, so it’s hard to say “sorry, my fibro is flaring today.”

Because of these hindrances, I can’t join the local museum group because I just cannot walk fast, as they do, and I can only stand five minutes comfortably before my back is screaming. The museum tours would not be fun but excruciating. John, my partner, is in several walking groups; just the notion puts my back in spasms. But the thing is; I don’t look handicapped, and so often people don’t understand why I just have to say “no, I can’t do it.” Then I feel guilty, because if you don’t have a cane or a walker, often people don’t believe you. I manage an hour a week of pingpong. With pingpong, you’re moving around and concentrating on the game, so I find it doable (barely). Then I go home and collapse with two Advil and a good book, or often a nice nap.

I’ve often felt guilty that people older than I are out there walking briskly, jogging, bicycling. But I’m trying to shed the guilt. It’s hard though because I know people do push through a lot of pain to do what they love. I just have to tell myself that guilt is useless, and that if I just want to hunker down with a book and a heating pad it’s OK.