LOOKING BACK AT 2003, this column obviously failed miserably in ...
Spoken like a true millionaire artist living in the wilds of Connecticut. The former Talking Heads drummer might've had a point if he were referring to "outside artists" in the context of the brain-damaged and the retarded. Instead, Frantz has simply gotten so old and befogged that he's forgotten how Joey Ramone became a legend by summing up our traditional cultural values. Chris has forgotten that not all of us carefully analyze the packaging and Pantone colors of our Hostess Snoballs. Some of us just buy them by the armfuls in best Joey Ramone tradition.
Still, that Once in a Lifetime box was the best reissue of the year. The staff at Rhino/Warner didn't leave out a single vital song. In fact, it was the one thing that the staff of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution got right in their annual assorted Best Of lists. There's nothing more depressing than being stuck in the backwater of Atlanta during the holidays?especially when you have to put up with the local media's praise for year-end schlock and year-end round-ups.
If you're wondering who was stupid enough to fall for Mona Lisa Smile, look no further than Journal-Constitution film critic Eleanor Ringel Gillespie. She isn't just amazed by the sickly film's rich emotional resonance. She also marvels at Julia Roberts' bravery in taking on the daring role of a pioneering 1953 lefty who tells young girls that they don't have to choose between career or marriage.
"She bravely risks alienating members of her more conservative fan base," gushes Gillespie. The truth, of course, is that conservatives have always been fond of women who chose both a career and marriage. One of my personal favorites received her B.A. in 1944, and went on to get a Master's in Political Science from Harvard, before graduating from law school. For some reason, though, it's not likely that Hollywood will soon produce a glowing biography of Phyllis Schlafly.
Don't forget Eleanor's fellow Journal-Constitution critic Phil Kloer, whose recap of tv, film and music matches her in obliviousness. His high-concept killing-time-with-an-annual-summary article, "Weapons of Mass Distraction," concentrated on declaring that 2003 was, among other things, "the year of Harry Potter." The only problem is that there wasn't a Harry Potter film released in 2003.
Oh, well. At least Kloer wasn't stupid enough to fall for a petty conspiracy theory about President Bush and plastic turkeys.
One good thing: 2003 is wrapping up fast enough to say goodbye to another Big Lie from outraged critics. Angels in America and The Reagans got plenty of gullible loons to cite that Ronald Reagan spent the 80s ignoring AIDS. The truth, of course, is that Ronald Reagan declared the battle against AIDS as a "high priority" during his 1986 State of the Union address, and always had an impressive budget to back up the war talk. There's no telling why Tony Kushner didn't notice this. Maybe he was busy trying to convince us how much the Sandinistas were just a bunch of misunderstood young men.
But that's just another idiocy that came along too late to make anybody's Best Of 2003 list. Which reminds me that I can bring up one more thing that might help keep a Ramones moratorium in 2004. Lech Kowalski told me he'd planned some cool packaging for the DVD release of his amazing Hey Is Dee Dee Home documentary. Still, I wasn't expecting anything as funny as a sticker proclaiming, "Extra Bonus: Dee Dee Ramone's Tattoos."
Sure enough, the disc comes with some temporary tattoos just like the ones that adorned Dee Dee's bony arms. It's the neatest merchandising idea I've seen all year. A big- budget indulgence, too. They could've gotten a much lower cost-to-unit ratio by just printing up some track marks.
[jrt@nypress.com](mailto:jrt@nypress.com)