MTA PCAC: Watchdog of the Obvious MTA PCAC: Watchdog ...

In a study published last week, the MTA's Permanent Citizen's Advisory Committee came to the shocking conclusion that subway conductors, token booth clerks and other MTA personnel who deal directly with the public are often not very nice. Moreover, they're often unable to answer commuter questions, provide information or directions and often hide when a problem of any kind arises.

It took a watchdog group how long to come to this conclusion? The subway's been with us for almost a hundred years now (and with it conductors and other employees)-was it some sort of longitudinal study? And how much did they spend on this?

Part of the problem, it seems, is that members of the general public just make these MTA employees a little nervous: "You need to give front-line personnel training so they feel comfortable in dealing with the riding public," the committee's executive director told the Daily News.

Know what? We can understand how they feel. We don't like dealing with the general public any more than they do. They're loud, obnoxious and pushy.

For the record, over the years we've encountered a number of conductors and token booth clerks who've been extremely friendly, helpful, and who knew what the hell they were talking about. We've also seen these same people intentionally hand out fraudulent information to passengers who were being assholes. What better way to get rid of a loudmouthed idiot than to send him to the Bronx?

The fact is, dealing directly with the public for any period of time is a very scary, aggravating thing. It's not long before you want to hurt people. If you ask us, much of the time it's the public that needs the training, not the poor schlubs in the booths.

But there's another, much bigger problem here-and one that can't be solved with a dose of touchy-feely crap.

Oftentimes when a train is being held in the station, or there's a "police investigation," or an "incident at 125th St." holding everything up, the conductors and token booth clerks don't know any more than we do. They don't know why a train is being held or when the 5 will be up and running again. They've been provided with a series of pat excuses, but when it comes to detailed information, they're in the dark.

That's because communication within the MTA system on a day-to-day, minute-to-minute level is a mess. Here's an example. Say a guy slips, falls on the tracks and is unable to climb back up on the platform. If you run and tell the token clerk or nearest cop that there's a guy on the tracks (as you should), they can't just call the motorman in the oncoming train and tell him to hit the brakes before he runs the guy over. No, the token clerk has to call in to the dispatcher and give him the information. Then the dispatcher has to send out word to everyone on that line in the hopes of stopping the train in time. It almost requires paperwork. By the time all this happens, of course, you have a sloppy human pretzel knotted up under the A.

It's an extreme example, but a real one.

We understand that the infrastructure is nearly a century old and requires constant upkeep. We also understand that the way things are handled at the MTA has been cemented into place over the generations. We also realize that this takes-fare hikes and cooked books aside-an awful lot of money. But it's pretty clear that improving the communication between people throughout the system is a bit more important than sensitivity training at this point. And who knows? Maybe one of these days our train conductors will finally be able to tell us what's really wrong with that "sick passenger" in the train in front of us.

The lazy Time Out editors are at it again. Compare last week's New York cover to 1998's Khartoum edition. If they thought nobody would notice, they were wrong: Essential Khartoum The things you gotta do before you can call yourself a real Sudanese?

Hear your cousin talk about bombing the U.S. embassy-and don't tell anyone

Okay, so you're not exactly a terrorist, but you're not exactly a fan of the Evil Empire, either. What's a poor hip moderate Muslim bystander to do? How about nothing. Live in Khartoum long enough, and after a while you don't even pause when you overhear talk about the training camps near Wad Madani. Nothing screams "Greenhorn!" like running to the officials.

Kill a German aid worker

They make how much a year? Doing what? Sorry, no native worth their salt is just gonna sit back and let this lost hick Westerner walk unmolested through his neighborhood unscathed. Your band of Darfur rebels needs ammo next month, and this walking Euro dispenser is in the wrong place at the wrong time. Next time maybe he'll stay in the central market with the rest of the daytripping aid workers. Some of us actually live here, you know.

Sit next to Omar Hassan Ahmad al-Bashir at a bar/restaurant and not care

It's not difficult to find celebrities in Khartoum, particularly if you consider the ubiquitous Sadiq al-Mahdi, Colonel John Garang de Mabio and Mohammed Osman al-Mirghani. Hell, we just saw Mohamed K. Ahmed at the Red Crescent headquarters cafeteria, and he doesn't even live here. But sitting next to Omar Hasan al-Bashir at dinner and not really giving a damn is something only the genuinely jaded can pull off. If you're just trying to look like you don't care, you've got years to go.

Look out your window and?whoa!?see your neighbors secretly putting together tomorrow's edition of the banned independent daily Al-Ayam

Crime Blotter Ignorance of the Law Let's start with the smokers this week. They've had a hell of a year, haven't they? In the first solid proof that cigarettes are now considered as much a controlled substance in New York as, say, crack or heroin, a suspended NYPD housing officer was busted on the 5th after she was caught attempting to give four loose smokes to her 22-year-old daughter.

Former officer Susan Lavin's daughter, Jennifer Cohen, was jonesing, and her mom just wanted to help her out. What's the big deal? In this case, the big deal turned out to be that young, nicotine-addicted Cohen was being held on Rikers at the time on unspecified (other) drug charges. Smokes are a no-no on Rikers. Or at least smuggling them in is. Those three books of matches didn't help her case, either. Lavin's being charged with "promoting prisoner contraband."

While the matches ultimately gave away Lavin, some other smoking paraphernalia gave away Brooklyn video store owner Marty Arno, and boy was he surprised.

Two health inspectors visiting Arno's store in late October were shocked to discover a dirty ashtray on the counter. An ashtray, mind you, that had recently been used to deposit ashes from a cigarette.

Arno, whose video store in Brooklyn Heights boasts one other employee, vehemently denies the charges, saying he had asked a customer who was smoking to put out the cigarette, and had the ashtray handy. He faces up to $6000 in fines. It would've only been a $2000 fine, but he also hadn't posted a "No Smoking" sign or his store's "official no-smoking policy" sign anywhere, either. It was clearly the ashtray, though, that really cheesed 'em off.

Arno's video store has since been searched twice by health officials, but no further ashtrays were uncovered.

Apart from the tobacco scofflaws, this week also saw two separate incidents of fiendish taunting.

Shortly before 10 p.m. on the 9th, a 32-year-old Harlem resident was taunted by three (possibly four) men as he strolled along 7th Ave. The men reportedly shouted anti-gay remarks before dashing away.

And just a few hours earlier, a 14-year-old riding the southbound 3 train through Brooklyn found himself being taunted by an Hispanic man who took apparent umbrage at the boy's Indian heritage. After hurling epithets and slurs, the man then socked the teen before hopping off the train.

Police are currently investigating both cases.

And if you're one of those New Yorkers who thinks that transit cops are never at the right place at the right time, you might want to ask 60-year-old Elizabeth Sacher. Two years ago, Sacher, a former schoolteacher, was struck by a car. As a result, she now has two metal rods in her right leg. She'd also just learned that she had an infection and a blood clot in the leg, and needed to keep it elevated whenever possible.

Finding herself on an empty V train (as if there's any other kind) Tuesday, she thought that was as fine an opportunity as any, so she propped her leg up on the seat in front of her.

Two eagle-eyed TA cops swooped upon her and slapped her with a $50 summons. That there was no one else in the car was irrelevant. What mattered was that Sacher had taken up more than one seat.

Now that they've had some practice, maybe these cops will start riding trains people actually use.