My new girlfriend can’t have sex with the lights on My ...

| 16 Feb 2015 | 06:22

    I've had more than a few and less than a lot of girls, and this is the first one who needs the lights off specifically for sex. Can I expect more of this? Please tell me the great majority of women can handle seeing all my sinful flesh.

    ?Monkey See Monkey Does It

    I'm hardly the mouthpiece for all broads, but I can tell you this: It depends. See, there's this handsome guy I occasionally have sex with. He rides around on a bike all day. After work he goes to the gym, then, who knows? He probably runs home uphill through an obstacle course with ten-pound weights strapped to his thighs, clad in some perspiration-inducing garment. The point is, he doesn't have an ounce of fat on his body?he's all sinewy muscles with hipbones you could lose an eye on. My fondness for cheeseburgers, beer and fondue combined with a near-pathological aversion to any activity (save sex) that might cause me to sweat, means I am decidedly not all sinewy muscle. So, surprise, surprise, I much prefer to fuck him with the lights out. This isn't because I can't bear to see his hot little bod toiling away, but because with careful (lack of) lighting I can fool myself into thinking he's thinking he's banging some supermodel/stripper hybrid instead of jiggly, wiggly, me.

    That's just one scenario. Could be she's got some religious damage, so she needs to do it in the dark to better pretend she's not damning her soul to the fiery pits of hell for eternity. Or perhaps she's hoping you don't notice her tail.

    Or, then again, maybe you're not as cute as you think you are.

    I've never been much of a social person and have always kept to myself. I do get out now and then, but I'm still rather shy. I'm shorter than most guys, and I've always been concerned about my "size." Women have made comments of surprise, but I always thought they were just being nice.

    I recently compared measurements in a few medical journals and discovered that I'm average-sized when erect. This has made me curious about other comments women have made. I usually get off, on average, three or four times every hour. When I do go soft in-between, it's usually never for more than two or three minutes. I've tried to look up vitality in medical journals, but to no avail. I tried to ask one of my sisters, but she was more embarrassed than I was. I'm too shy to ask any of my women friends, just in case this isn't something I should be bragging about. I'm not going to ask any of my guy friends, as I would prefer an honest answer. So my question is, is this common?

    ?Just Some Guy

    It seems your real question is: Am I really the amazing, man o' steel lay I suspect I might be?

    An annoying man who can get it up four times an hour is of far less use to a woman than a sweet, smart man who can only get it up once a night. And if you're asking your siblings questions like that one, I'm thinking you're dangerously close to the irritating side of the scale. So quit it and relax. Sounds like everything's in working order down there?why look for official affirmation?

    One of the benefits of being a smaller person is that certain objects may appear larger than they actually are. My B-cups look completely average on my five-six frame, but slap the same set on some midget chick and you've got yourself a Baywatch contender. The women who were awed by your man-package weren't lying, they were just fooled by the optical illusion your otherwise diminutive size provided.

    When I was 13, I thought chicks with shaved clits were totally awesome. At 19, I was horrified to live in a male-dominated society that would tolerate, let alone encourage, the idea that a gal would be more attractive if she shaved her legs, pits, lips, brows and clits?real women didn't shave. When I was 23, I realized that shaving was okay. That it could be beauty-enhancing, sensuous, sexy and fun. Most importantly, it could prevent the short and curlies from winding up in my mouth. But I still find it pleasing to see some hair. So the rule of thumb I ascribe to is, shave everywhere you want your lover to kiss, suck or lick. You might get more tongue-lovin' if you try it?just shave only the clit for maximum suckage and leave the stuff on top. What do you think?

    ?Shaving Monkey

    I think that before you go brandishing razors around unsuspecting women, you should consult a basic anatomy text. The clitoris is hairless and jam-packed with nerve-endings. Unless you have a death wish, I would not suggest wielding a sharp blade anywhere in its vicinity.

    Are you the questioning type? Write [dategirl@earthlink.net ](mailto:dategirl@earthlink.net)or Dategirl, c/o New York Press, 333 7th Ave., 14th fl., NY, NY 10001.