$napple to NYC Schools: Let the Games Begin!

THE CITY announced last Tuesday that they would be putting $2 million from that hinky, big-bucks Snapple deal to good use in the NYC public schools.

Yup, part of it will go toward setting up a tutoring program for "up to 100 basketball players" who are on the verge of flunking, just so they'll be able to continue playing basketball. Our guess is that the "tutoring program" involves removing these academically challenged basketball players from useless, boring classes like "math" and "history," and placing them in new, accelerated "Snapple Real Facts" courses.

Should the program prove to be a success, it might be expanded to help stupid players in other sports learn their Snapple Real Facts as well.

Much more important, the lion's share of that $2 million will go toward creating 120 new sports teams in schools around the city. It's Snapple's belief that too many of the schools around New York have been spending too much time, money and effort focusing their attention on things like "reading" and "writing." Why is there so much school violence these days? Because students are bored with things like reading and writing, that's why! Under this new program, they'll be provided with all the baseball bats, bowling balls and steroids they need to become productive members of society.

Snapple's only provision is that each of the 120 new teams, be it volleyball, basketball or curling, be named after a particular Snapple product.