Oh, Make Up Your Damn Minds Oh, Make Up ...

Oh, Make Up Your Damn Minds

How long is this going to go on? For the past two years the arguments have rolled on non-stop concerning what's supposed to go up (both building- and memorial-wise) at the old WTC site.

Building designs are commissioned, but they're all rejected. More are commissioned, narrowed down to three or four, and a vote's taken. One's chosen, but then some of the families don't like it, so it's rejected, too. Then there's a contest. Nothing comes of that, either. Then here's Daniel Libeskind, and he's apparently got the job, but his designs keep changing.

Same with the memorials. Proposals, rejections, contests, some jackass family member is offended for some reason or another, so everything's tossed out and the process begins all over again. A design is chosen and everyone's happy?then suddenly the firemen are demanding that their names be listed separately from all the others. There's a final design?or is there?

We need a transportation hub there; then there's the whole issue of the footprints, and the mayor's decided that he wants to have some say, and the city's thinking that maybe if the traffic were routed around the site this way, there'd be more room for commercial space, and it's all hallowed ground because there are bodies under there, and you have to consider this group and that group, and what about the EMS workers? Shouldn't they get their own memorial? And should it be the tallest building in the world or not, and?

Nothing is ever resolved, and even when it finally seems to be, it never stays that way for long. The only thing we know for sure right now is that Libeskind's "Freedom Tower" is supposed to be the centerpiece. But he keeps having fights with developer Larry Silverstein and his architect David Childs, and what the "Freedom Tower" looks like, exactly, is still awfully hazy, changing as quickly as it does. We suspect that some day soon, that'll be tossed out, too.

We've stopped trying to follow it all, hoping that someone will wake us up when all the squabbling's over with and the construction crews set to work?which we expect to be 2032. Until then, we've still got that big hole in the ground as a memorial?and maybe, as a friend of ours has suggested, it should just stay that way.

Hollywood to the Rescue

When we first heard that the Dept. of Education was going to be drafting new "anti-bullying" rules for the city school system, we had our doubts. Now that the "Promoting Safe Schools" curriculum has been unveiled, however, we must admit we're mostly impressed. Instead of simply standing in front of class and listing what the new rules are (as well as the punishments for breaking them), teachers will be asking students to discuss Gandhi, the Code of Hammurabi and the Weather Underground. They'll also ask students to read Animal Farm and watch films that deal with various codes of conduct and the ramifications of breaking them?namely All the President's Men and Lean on Me.

Not that we think teachers will have an easier time getting today's students to read Orwell and Hammurabi than they would, say, a history or geometry textbook, but the idea is there, and they aren't dumbing it down.

The one change we might make is in terms of the movies the Dept. of Education has selected. All the President's Men? What the hell do they think they're going to accomplish with that? The only thing it guarantees is a bunch of Deep Throat jokes.

No, we have a better idea. You want to encourage more civil behavior in the classroom and the hallways? You want to show kids what'll happen when they break the rules and act like animals?while at the same time keeping their attention? Then show them Class of 1984. Or Death Wish. Or The Last House on the Left. Even better: Carrie.

Hey, kids, want to know what happens when you pick on someone weaker than you are? You get killed, that's what. In horrible, horrible ways. The brats must learn that karma is a razor-studded boomerang.

Now if we could just come up with a similar curriculum for their parents.

Here We Go

On wednesday, Oct. 29, Mayor Bloomberg enthusiastically signed Bill 569-A, the final stroke before a bidding process begins to decide which corporation will gain control of New York's "street furniture" (i.e., newsstands, bus stops, toilets and newspaper boxes.)

"In challenging fiscal times like these," declared the mayor, "a coordinated street furniture program offers the City the unique opportunity to transform the look and feel of its streets, creating a vibrant and aesthetically pleasing streetscape befitting a world-class city like New York without the burden of public investment."

No poll was taken, however, to see if city residents think saturating streets at eye level with more Comedy Central and blue-jeans ads meet their definition of a "vibrant and aesthetically pleasing" environment. But why should anyone have a problem with using all that wasted surface space to turn a buck? In the mayor's world, citizens are just consumers of information and services, the more private the better?and isn't advertising just another form of information? Why, Bill 569-A is, in fact, a gift, a public service without that dated, second-wave "burden of public investment."

Mystery Man

Publicists and event organizers citywide have one question on their lips: Who is Peter Davis? Intrepid nightlife reporter? Gossip columnist extraordinaire? Or just some asshole trying to cadge free meals at nonprofit fundraisers? The answer appears to be number three: asshole.

The editors of New York Press would like to make clear that Peter Davis does not work for this newspaper. We have not assigned him to cover your leukemia fundraiser. We have not authorized him to eat for free at your membership drive dinner. He has no business using our name, so please decline his requests for free tickets.

(Private to Peter, whoever you are: Keep it up and we'll publish your phone number in the adult services section. Shemales, specifically.)

It's a damn good thing there were extra police patrols out last week to protect us from rampaging trick-or-treaters, because as it happens, a veritable convention of heinous fiends had just chosen those days to descend upon the city, making the streets unsafe for us normal, law-abiding citizens. Thanks to the unblinking eyes and quick thinking of New York's finest, we can all rest a little easier tonight.

We thought it was very odd when a friend of ours told us of being approached on an East Village sidewalk by a man in an apron who offered to sell her steaks. Odd, that is, until we learned that the day before (Oct. 23), three men had been arrested in the Bronx for selling meat on the street.

There was a bit more to it, of course?a small matter of breaking into the delivery trucks that had been carrying the meat originally?but when you get right down to it, police arrested the three men in Hunts Point for doing their darndest to cut out the middleman and offer top-quality pork chops and beef (and computer equipment and bathroom supplies) at consumer-friendly prices.

And that sort of thing simply cannot be tolerated.

A few days later, 41-year-old Fred Cimato was arrested in Port Ivory for beating the crap out of a defenseless truck. The nature of the dispute between Cimato and the truck is still under investigation, but in the interim, Cimato's being charged with criminal mischief.

Even more frightening is the fact that some of your more clever crooks even seem to have found the means to weasel their wily way into the NYPD itself!

A devilish scalawag by the name of Marceena Muslim?a civilian employee of the NYPD who worked in the payroll department at One Police Plaza?was arrested shortly after 11 a.m. on Monday, Oct. 27 when she was caught stealing office supplies. It's unclear exactly how many pens and boxes of paper clips were in Muslim's bag at the time of her arrest, but that'll all come out at the trial. She's being charged with petit larceny, and has also lost her job.

A statue of the Virgin Mary came to life last weekend and made two attempts to wander away from the front yard of a home at 240th St. and 88th Ave. In her first attempt, she only got as far as the driveway before being recaptured and returned to her spot in the yard. In the second, however, two days later, the Virgin statue apparently tripped in her rush to escape, and was smashed into a million pieces in that same driveway.

Residents of the home have police out looking for a mythical "hoodlum" in what's clearly a diversionary effort to prevent 8000 religious zealots from showing up at their front door.

And finally, if you ask us, the less said about those ne'er-do-wells Geraldo Perez and Jose Veras (and their two cronies), the better. It's not the gambling (whether or not it happened) that disgusts us so much?it's the thought of two old men playing dominoes in the park. Right out there in the open, in a park where children might frolic! What is this country coming to? When did we lose our way? Thankfully, once again, the NYPD was on the job, and put a stop to it before anyone was hurt.