Preview Review

| 11 Nov 2014 | 12:13

    SHE HATE ME

    OPENS FRI., JULY 30

     

    FROM THE RECENTLY released "Spike Tapes," a series of secret recordings made by a disgruntled employee at 40 Acres & A Mule Filmworks. In this excerpt, Lee discusses his new project with an unidentified partner, believed to be KeShawn Shapiro-Jabaar, nee Shlomo Ben-Jackson.

    Lee: Got to get sales up. It's been 15 years since I've done a decent movie. And let's be honest, this new one is just as awful as the rest of 'em. Ha-ha!

    Shapiro-Jabaar: Ha-ha! Indeed it is, sir. Hoo-hoo! Perfectly bad! Hoo-ha-ha!

    Lee: Not "bad," fool! "Awful"! My movies are awful. Can't you just shuttup and let me think of a good title? Got to think outside the box here. I definitely need an Ebonics title. The movie must find its target audience.

    Shapiro-Jabaar: The marketing report here shows that wiggers now comprise 89 percent of your movie ticket sales, Master Spike, so yes, we need an Ebonics title.

    Lee: Maybe if I blame Jews for something…

    Shapiro-Jabaar: Ooh yeah, attack the Jews! Oh, me! Me, sir! Over here! I've got one!

    Lee: Yes, KeShawn?

    Shapiro-Jabaar: How about She Hates Hymies?

    Lee [sound of slapping]: Fool, I can't do that again! It's so 1990!

    Shapiro-Jabaar: But you'll get the self-hating Jewish demographic to join the wiggers, creating a critical mass audience that—

    Lee [sound of two slaps]: What's wrong with you, bitch? I already have the self-hating Jew demographic. I need more wiggers! This new movie is aimed at the grown-up wigger. It's got Wall Street, lesbians, African-Americans taking on the system…

    Shapiro-Jabaar: Just hearing your synopsis makes me want to run down to the Cineplex, Master Spike. In my loose baggy pants, of course.

    Lee: Wait a minute. Maybe you're not as dumb as I pay you to be.

    Shapiro-Jabaar: I'm sorry, I can change…

    Lee: Not She Hates Hymie, but how about… She Hate Him.

    Shapiro-Jabaar [imitating sounds of barking seal]: Arr! Arr! Arr! Yes, yes, yes and yeeeesssss!

    Lee: Yes what?

    Shapiro-Jabaar: To the, uh…to what you said you just said, sir.

    Lee: Which is…

    Shapiro-Jabaar: She…

    Lee: Yeah?

    Shapiro-Jabaar: Hate…

    Lee: Who she hate?

    Shapiro-Jabaar: Uh…me, sir?

    Lee: Let me get this straight: She Hate Me?

    Shapiro-Jabaar: No, me, sir, not thee.

    Lee: Just shut up, KeShawn. [Sighs.] I'm a lousy hack. I know it, he knows it, every mofo in the country knows it. She Hate Me. That says it all.

    Shapiro-Jabaar: Brilliant, sir! You're a geeeenius!

    Lee: You mean it?

    Shapiro-Jabaar: Indian Guide's Honor, your hiphoppedness!

    MARK AMES