Preview Review
SHE HATE ME
OPENS FRI., JULY 30
FROM THE RECENTLY released "Spike Tapes," a series of secret recordings made by a disgruntled employee at 40 Acres & A Mule Filmworks. In this excerpt, Lee discusses his new project with an unidentified partner, believed to be KeShawn Shapiro-Jabaar, nee Shlomo Ben-Jackson.
Lee: Got to get sales up. It's been 15 years since I've done a decent movie. And let's be honest, this new one is just as awful as the rest of 'em. Ha-ha!
Shapiro-Jabaar: Ha-ha! Indeed it is, sir. Hoo-hoo! Perfectly bad! Hoo-ha-ha!
Lee: Not "bad," fool! "Awful"! My movies are awful. Can't you just shuttup and let me think of a good title? Got to think outside the box here. I definitely need an Ebonics title. The movie must find its target audience.
Shapiro-Jabaar: The marketing report here shows that wiggers now comprise 89 percent of your movie ticket sales, Master Spike, so yes, we need an Ebonics title.
Lee: Maybe if I blame Jews for something
Shapiro-Jabaar: Ooh yeah, attack the Jews! Oh, me! Me, sir! Over here! I've got one!
Lee: Yes, KeShawn?
Shapiro-Jabaar: How about She Hates Hymies?
Lee [sound of slapping]: Fool, I can't do that again! It's so 1990!
Shapiro-Jabaar: But you'll get the self-hating Jewish demographic to join the wiggers, creating a critical mass audience that
Lee [sound of two slaps]: What's wrong with you, bitch? I already have the self-hating Jew demographic. I need more wiggers! This new movie is aimed at the grown-up wigger. It's got Wall Street, lesbians, African-Americans taking on the system
Shapiro-Jabaar: Just hearing your synopsis makes me want to run down to the Cineplex, Master Spike. In my loose baggy pants, of course.
Lee: Wait a minute. Maybe you're not as dumb as I pay you to be.
Shapiro-Jabaar: I'm sorry, I can change
Lee: Not She Hates Hymie, but how about She Hate Him.
Shapiro-Jabaar [imitating sounds of barking seal]: Arr! Arr! Arr! Yes, yes, yes and yeeeesssss!
Lee: Yes what?
Shapiro-Jabaar: To the, uh to what you said you just said, sir.
Lee: Which is
Shapiro-Jabaar: She
Lee: Yeah?
Shapiro-Jabaar: Hate
Lee: Who she hate?
Shapiro-Jabaar: Uh me, sir?
Lee: Let me get this straight: She Hate Me?
Shapiro-Jabaar: No, me, sir, not thee.
Lee: Just shut up, KeShawn. [Sighs.] I'm a lousy hack. I know it, he knows it, every mofo in the country knows it. She Hate Me. That says it all.
Shapiro-Jabaar: Brilliant, sir! You're a geeeenius!
Lee: You mean it?
Shapiro-Jabaar: Indian Guide's Honor, your hiphoppedness!
MARK AMES