"OH, GOD "Oh, God! Sewage!" shouts the hipster on ...

Anyway, it's a fun night of chocolate martinis and other tooth-rotting indulgences. Yet it's only minor sinning on the cusp of the NYC Fetish Marathon, officially starting later at the Freakshow's Fetish Lounge, the popular Wednesday night party at Flow?which, in this case, is also doubling as a meet & greet session for the many happy perverts who've arrived in town for a long weekend beginning with The Black & Blue Ball.

It's actually kind of a pleasant and chatty scene, if only because?as at the recent horror convention I attended?it's always nice to be surrounded by a bunch of leather-clad tough guys who could still easily get beat down by anyone's eight-year-old niece. Although, judging from today's anime scene, the supposed tough guys at the horror convention would be sexually excited by the idea.

Unfortunately, as the evening wears on, there's also the usual influx of mild-looking accountant types who always show up at these things and lurk in the corners, all in vain hope that an orgy will spontaneously occur. While I'm all for the idea of the BDSM scene being a wonderful, supportive community, you really shouldn't ever make eye contact with those guys.

Seriously. Just don't.

At least I bid to look like a mysterious accountant of the night by waiting until 1 a.m. to show up for the proper Black and Blue Ball at Float. Sadly, most of the attendees have a similar idea, leading to the added free humiliation of being lined up outside the club while assorted video cameras capture me in a line-up of latex and leather.

It's slightly less embarrassing than being caught lining up for an early screening of The Matrix Reloaded?although nobody would doubt anyone who claimed that's what they thought was going on inside the club. Just as it has with every Halloween since 1999, the Matrix look has overtaken what's essentially a fashion show that gives sex workers a chance to model the $1000 latex jumpsuit that some congressman bought them last year.

I've been to enough Black & Blue Balls?now marking their 10th anniversary?to look properly unimpressed while taking the usual snide inventory: Slave discussing mundane housekeeping issues with Owner leading him around on leash? Check. Las Vegas showgirl routines performed to New Age disco that sounds like a Perry Farrell b-side? Check. Sexual overtures from a 63-year-old woman? Check.

Beautiful blondes yelping while their 9-inch heels prove impractical on the club's many staircases? Check, throughout the evening.

Hey, and all by 3:00, too. At least the tragedy of the Great White concert spares us any display of fire dancing, an idiotic "skill" which has become the macrame of goth girls. This might explain how I actually end up socializing right up to the end of the night.

However, I still never see anything as sexy as the catfight that the police were breaking up over at 49th & 8th as I was walking up to the club. The cops would probably agree. Seriously, there were about 16 patrol cars pulled up to the scene. Keep that in mind if you ever need a cop in a hurry. "Catfight"="Officer down."