Reasons to be Thankful

We must re-learn the art of communication By [Bette Dewing] We"d have more to be thankful for if a larger percentage of us believed that â??what"s said over the plate is more important than what"s served on top of it. There"d be less need to over-indulge, too. Thankfully, St. Stephen of Hungary Church, on 82nd Street between York and First avenues, is hosting their second Thanksgiving dinner for those who might otherwise be alone during the holiday, or who just want to share in a neighborly community gathering. What"s served on top of the plate there is really first-rate, homemade and costs only five bucks. As to â??what"s said over the plate, well, at my table last year, four twenty- and 30-somethings professional actors" shop talk, totally excluded their two elder tablemates, one a professional artist and the other a rabble-rousing columnist who dares to say that people should share their conversation. It"s a basic part of dinner conversation etiquette. Give everyone a chance to speak so that no one"s perspective is left out. Taking turns in the conversation also enables shy people and those not â??easily verbal like me, to participate. But such a skill is rarely taught anymore, not since the Human Potential Movement era when Central Presbyterian Church hosted a popular â??How to Listen series. The Roman Catholic Church of the Epiphany"s workshops based on Haim Ginott"s communication theories used to be well attended in the area, until its sponsor Sister Margaret left. Most faith group members seem to prefer Bible studies classes, which don"t tell you how you should talk and communicate. Ah, but I am a strong faith group-advocate, albeit one who believes that more such teachings, more hymn sings (and concerts which include them) and more helpful involvement in members" lives, would help fill the pews. In other important matters, I have a better concept for going â??green by reducing excess lighting instead of converting to those bleak and literally toxic energy-efficient bulbs. If only half as many Christmas tree lights were placed on the Rockefeller Center tree we would still be able to see this most majestic and venerable tree cut down, maybe wrongfully, for â??the holidays. Reduce all tree lights I say, but instead add them to bikes in the city, along with a jingle bell warning sound. They"re needed on other motorless wheels too: a great friend to the community and to myself, was felled by a heedless pram-pushing, hit-and-run mama at the uptown Fairway market. She could have needed some of what was talked about at the first of five important caregiving forums hosted by Senator Liz Krueger. Considerable concern was heard about planned severe cuts in â??elder services. To join the protest against that, call Kate Geitner, director of the East Side Management Consortium at 212 744-5022 x 1377. After the useful care-giving presentation, I blurted out, â??But please, we must stop using the â??burden" word when it comes to caring for elders by their families! Public-speaking angst hindered my adding, â??Caring for elders should not be considered any more of a burden than caring for dependent children is! And â??Elders" hard and often unpopular truths about being old in an age-segregated, youth-obsessed culture, must be heard and heeded! And dear readers, do know I am thankful for you. This column is dedicated to the deeply missed Hortence Ginsberg, a most caring woman whose long life was enabled and made so-worth-the-living by her truly devoted staff and family. _ dewingbetter@aol.com