Republican National Construction

LET'S SEE NOW, what steps have been proposed thus far to protect the delegates at this summer's Republican National Convention from terrorists, protestors and us? Every week there's something new.

Apart from the thousands of cops and other security forces who will be patrolling the streets and rooftops, they want to shut down Penn Station and rail activity in general around the area. It was rumored that authorities wanted to shut down the main post office, because it would obviously be used as a headquarters for terrorist activity. Last week the city (all by itself!) decided to repair streets in Midtown Manhattan to offer conventioneers a smoother ride—and residents four months of pre-convention aggravation. And you know there's going to be a no-holds-barred homeless sweep by the NYPD in the two weeks before the show.

The way things are looking, most of the major protests (if any are allowed at all) will be taking place in Bay Ridge. And last week, to no one's surprise, the Secret Service announced that they want two security perimeters set up around the Garden—the outer perimeter extending "for blocks" in every direction. This might well entail shutting down lengths of 7th and 8th Aves., and would require everyone entering the outer perimeter to show their ID and prove that they have a damn good reason for being there. Those wishing to enter the inner perimeter would be subject to a full body cavity search.

The mayor insists that none of these suggestions are done deals yet—which is kind of funny, as the security suggestions keep growing more preposterous as time goes on. (Next week, we'll be hearing about the plan to send everyone in Manhattan on a "mini-vacation" to Jersey for those four days.)

Funnier still, in announcing the plan to set up the perimeters and shut down parts of two major avenues, the convention's director of operations, Mike Miller, was able to say with a straight face that businesses within the outer perimeters would not be inconvenienced.

Maybe keeping them all on a boat wasn't such a bad idea after all.