R.I.P. 2003

Pausing at the end of the year to remember some of the luminaries who've passed on over the previous 12 months is a timeworn tradition for news magazines and television programs?which means you're going to be hearing about Johnny Cash, John Ritter, Bob Hope and Mr. Rogers again.

Looking back at those we've lost is a longstanding New York Press tradition, too. But, as usual, we'd like to remember some of the folks those other places might otherwise overlook.

We can't list them all, of course (it was a record-setting year for celebrity deaths), but here's a fond tip of the hat to a few who touched our lives.

The world of professional wrestling was hit hard this year, losing Miss Elizabeth, Curt "Mr. Perfect" Hennig and "Road Warrior Hawk" Michael Hegstrand. Even sadder was the loss of two of the figures who helped make professional wrestling what it is today?the Sheik and the irreplaceable Classy Freddie Blassie.

Pop music tends to be hit hard most every year, but this year seemed especially deadly?and not just because Great White lost their guitarist along with most of their fan base. Cutting Crew's guitarist Kevin MacMichael passed away, as did Charlie Webber, who played sax on the Swingin' Medallions' "Double Shot (of My Baby's Love)." Johnny Paycheck's lungs finally gave out on him, Tom Petty's bassist Howie Epstein took an overdose and Hank Ballard twisted into the afterlife.

Narcissus Boyd, better known as Little Eva, passed away, along with Jimi Hendrix's bass player Noel Redding.

The Oak Ridge Boys past and present lost members this year?one of the originals, Marshall Lon Freeman, together with Noel Fox, one of the (relative) youngsters.

Iron Butterfly's guitarist Eric Braunn, the Animals' keyboardist Dave Rowberry and Bob Wills' drummer Tommy Perkins are with us no more. Nor is legendary singer of trucker songs, Dave Dudley. And Sheb Wooley, who livened up the radio airwaves with hits like "The Purple People Eater," passed away in September.

We were also deeply saddened by the loss of the incredible Buddy Hackett, Devil Dog: The Hound of Hell's Richard Crenna and WKRP's Gordon Jump.

Jack Smight directed 70s epics like Airport 1975, Damnation Alley and Midway (in Sensurround!). Rene Cardona Jr. directed exploitation classics like Survive! and Guyana, Cult of the Damned. Florence Stanley played Abe Vigoda's wife on Fish. We were especially heartbroken to see renowned character actor Jack Elam.

And though you may not have known their names, three people who touched all of us in one way or another died this year. Charlie Douglass gave sitcoms the freedom not to be funny anymore when he invented the laugh track. Jane Barbe, the voice on all those phone company recordings, told us more often than not to hang up and try again?but she always did it nicely. And comic books simply wouldn't have been comic books without Harold von Braunhut, the man who marketed Sea Monkeys and X-Ray Specs.

The world is a richer place thanks to all of them.

Small Steps

After months of campaigning by the New York Bill of Rights Defense Campaign and thousands of volunteers, it looks like New York City may join more than 200 other communities around the country in adopting a civil liberties resolution against the Patriot Act (USA PATRIOT). On Dec. 12, City Council Speaker Gifford Miller signed on to support Resolution 909, which takes a firm stand against secret detentions, spying on the politically active, ethnic and religious profiling and so forth. Even conservative hero Bob Barr called it "a key symbol of Americans' unwillingness to allow understandable concern over terrorism to mutate into the irrational crippling of our most cherished rights and freedoms."

Miller's support will be crucial for the passing of the bill, which will go to vote on Jan. 21.

This photo was sent to us by an anonymous city employee who is "livid" about the city's harassment of newspapers for not maintaining clean street racks. Our tipster writes: "[T]he city's very own garbage? not only is an eye sore but also pollutes in a very toxic way?[P]rinter ink drums are not recycled but merely pitched. [I]f Bloomberg wants to clean up acts, he should start with his own."

See Robert Lederman's "Rotation" piece on page 18, for more on the government's drive to scrub our streets to an antiseptic shine.

Photos like this are welcomed by Page Two (New York Press, 333 7th Ave., 14th fl., NYC 10001). Anonymity guaranteed.

Q: How much wood would New York chuck if New York could chuck wood?

A: 100,000 trees' worth.

And you thought the holiday festivities were over! Put that party hat back on because MulchFest: 2004 is here. Tree recycling will take place this week in all five boroughs, at 69 sites, to violently dispose of the city's discarded Christmas trees. The Department of Sanitation will also be collecting trees curbside and transporting them to recycling sites Monday through Saturday (Jan. 5-10).

Page Two would also like to award Pun of the Week to Parks & Recreation Commissioner Adrian Benepe, who said, "All New Yorkers can chip in and help New York City this holiday season by recycling their trees."

To find the nearest MulchFest location, see nyc.gov or call?what else??311.

CRIME BLOTTER Pet Shop Boys

It was Christmas week, and New Yorkers were filled with the spirit of the season. They were also filled with a few other spirits, which resulted in a week full of high-profile, low-rent crimes.

Police are sort of looking for a bunch of rambunctious kids in Brooklyn who karate-kicked two Nativity-scene wise men into submission in front of St. Margaret Mary Roman Catholic Church. But their zany antics pale when compared to those of 17-year-old Brett Berrick.

Known almost universally in the local papers as "Grinch," and a new hero of ours here at New York Press, the Long Island youth smashed his car through some Christmas lawn decorations, stole parts of others and took his pellet gun to any inflatable ones he could find. He even slashed Frosty's throat!

He was arrested after an alert officer noticed the thick smear of reindeer blood on the front bumper of Berrick's dented and muddied car. He's being charged with "not playing along."

Laura Budak, a 45-year-old from the Upper East Side, was spreading a little holiday joy of her own, up until her arrest on Dec. 20. Police are staying mum when it comes to the more interesting details, but the Hate Crimes Unit showed up at Budak's place after she allegedly made a slew of threatening phone calls and sent dozens of "offensive letters" to what's only being described as "a variety of religious institutions." The details of those calls and letters aren't being released, which allows us all to use our imaginations and come up with something really horrible. She's been booked on aggravated harassment and stalking charges.

On the evening of Dec. 22, a man in his late 60s tried to act out a scene from The Godfather in a place owned by an extra from The Sopranos while one of the guys who inspired The French Connection was watching. He's now facing a murder rap, but you probably know all about that story. So, enough.

That same day, however, when an unnamed man stepped into an East Harlem barbershop, he was looking for a haircut, not a shave. Too bad for him, the insane Sweeney Todd Barber School dropout who stormed into the shop was intent on giving him one anyway. The man's face required 150 stitches.

And if you're one of those people still trying to come up with a New Year's resolution, how's this one sound? Don't Fuck with a Pet Store Owner.

If there's one thing these last weeks of 2003 have taught us, it's that your local pet shop owner is friendly, caring, self-reliant, loves the animals, is proud of his work?but by god he'll kill you if you give him good reason.

Darwin Roque's only mistake, in following the lead of Ivan Blum, was waiting a little too long before he did it. That and turning the knife over to cops while pretending he didn't do it.

But we also know that story well enough.

Happy new year.