Sexy Book Review; Derivative Bay Rigby; Signorile Drubs Drudge; MUGGER Cracks Kristol; Cheers and (Mostly) Jeers for Summer Guide; More

Lily Tomlin once noted, "There will be sex after death; we just won't be able to feel it." We probably won't be able to read about it either, therefore I'm running to nypl.org after I finish this note to reserve The Sexual Life of Catherine M.

But will the New York Public Library carry this orgasmic tome? If not, Barnes & Noble will get my cash thanks to Laurie Stone's enticing review ("Books," 5/29). With Michael J. Fox and Fran the Nanny's bios currently on the bestseller lists, it's nice to know there's a book out there in which "sick" and "shaking body parts" once again apply to the sex act.

Brandon Judell, Manhattan

What a Coinkydink

Just wanted to note that Bay Rigby's doomsday scenario depicted on the cover of your 5/29 issue is eerily reminiscent of the NYPD's Bomb Squad shield. The shield in question is painted on the garage door of the 6th Pct., which houses the squad, located on W. 10th St. just off of Hudson St. The shield features a chubby villain (dressed in black and wearing a black mask) riding astride a yellow cartoonish bomb whose trajectory is clearly headed for the gray New York City skyline in the background of the painting. If one were so inclined, one could certainly make the case that the bomb on the shield is more specifically aimed at the Twin Towers. It seems a prescient precinct has rendered your cover art redundant. Better luck next time.

Regan Conor Rowan, Bronxville, NY

Sludge Match

MIKE Signorile: I read your article, "Spreading Drudge's Sludge" ("The Gist," 5/29) and just want to thank you. You took on that repulsive Walter Winchell wannabe Drudge, together with Andrew Sullivan, Howard Kurtz and The Washington Post. It was wonderful.

As a liberal, I'm astounded at what these right-wing hypocrites, who sold their souls for money a long time ago, continue to get away with. When will it end? I read David Brock's book and thought he sounded very sane. I believe he truly did see the light and believe every word I read. Now if millions of others also see the light, maybe, just maybe, our country will have half a chance to survive the likes of Drudge and the Bush administration. Anyway, thanks for the great article.

Marlene Wagner, Monee, IL

Hurrah! Hurrah!! Hurrah!!!

Three cheers for MUGGER!! You dug down deep and came up with truth as always. Bill Kristol has been one bitter man (5/29), like John McCain when he found people liked George W. Nothing worse than putting self-interest in front of country; we see it all the time with Democrats, but rare in the GOP. McCain and Kristol are playmates for and with liberals and all true Republicans know it! Thanks, MUGGER, for putting this out there.

Ginnny Weicheld, Collegeville, PA

Ze French, Zay Invented Ze Luff

I ploughed my way with tremendous existential ennui through your "Summer of Love" issue (5/22)?a series of poorly written, cliche-ridden pieces on (oooh!) "transgression" and "forbidden" love. Particularly unimaginative was Lillian Ann Slugocki's "Sex on the Beach," which seems to take its inspiration from both the romance novel and the film school alternative movie project, two uninventive genres if there were any. Of course the story takes place at Coney Island, for some reason a preferred location for uncreative types in search of an unconventional setting. Of course it involves an interracial relationship (oooh, another transgression!).

Sorry to take the jaded, European high road here (itself a cliche?), but when will Americans realize that humans have been going at it since, well, the start of humanity? News alert: it's all been done before, in all possible combinations of positions, locations and partners.

These stories serve to remind us that there is little as dreary and mundane as the sex lives of others.

Philippe Lourier, Manhattan

J.R. Taylorite

RE Jim Knipfel's piece on antismoking ads ("Daily Billboard," 5/30). It's always been quite clear to me why ALF hated the Philip Morris ads. While the theme of ALF's ads is basically "be an annoying lawbreaker and create a public nuisance so you can feel self-righteous," Philip Morris' ads come right out and tell kids to think for themselves. If there's one thing sanctimonious leftists like ALF hate, it's people thinking for themselves.

Nathan Lamm, Flushing, NY

Inadequate Answer from Ineligible Contestant

You said you'd give a New York Press hat to the person who deciphered my letter last week ("The Mail," 5/29). I deserve the proffered "hat." What I wrote essentially is that Hillary's whole life is but a lie?get it?

I await my reward. This is a valid contract?you offered, I accepted, after answering the question effectively.

Nancy Joyce Jancourtz, brooklyn

It's Greek to Us

Taki writes ("Top Drawer," 5/1) that he once gave "the Greek version of the finger" to an anti-Le Pen mob. I didn't know there were variant fingers, first of all; but now that I do, I should like to know what exactly the Greeks do differently when giving the finger, as I'm sure Taki used it to devastating effect.

Michel Santaquilani, Chicago

It's MTA Property, You Dope

You guys have a lot of nerve crying about the city going after your newspaper boxes ("Summer Guide," 5/22). This is just another quality-of-life initiative left over from the fascist Giuliani, and you goons praised his assaults when they were on other people. Guess that's what they call karma, right? I guess I'll have to up the ante further and call up Mayor Bloomberg and beg him to get rid of your boxes! If any of you were smart, you'd go for a smarter alternative: putting all those boxes in the subway, so people bored waiting for the train will have something to read. The sidewalks are cluttered, so this would be a better location anyhow. Nice to see a little humility on your part for a change. Maybe you won't praise your beloved right-wing fascism so much next time. (That includes Bush and Sharon.)

Tom Bachar, Manhattan

The editors reply: Man-of-the-people Bachar must only have been reading alternate pages of New York Press all those years we were bashing Giuliani as often as we were praising him. And remember, Tom: there's left-wing fascism too. It comes from self-righteous do-gooders who think they know how everyone else should act and live.

He's Full of It

MUGGER: For me, it would be icing on the cake to send Bill Kristol off in a dress to war someplace (5/29). Maybe then some other young men or women could stay home and write about cooking up a war someplace. When I see him on tv, what seems to me he needs most is a good dose of Ex-Lax to clean him out!

Betty Walsh, Valparaiso, IN

Topping & Bottoming

Christopher Carbone has more problems than being a slut ("Summer Guide," 5/22). He is also a sloppy writer whose prose is loaded with tiresome adverbs and cliches. Don't you guys have editors over there? As a gay man, Mr. Carbone doesn't think much of his brothers or their favored bars. The Rawhide is dirty, muscle queen bartenders work at Chase and theater queens drink their apple martinis (the preferred word is queer), bears with huge waistlines need to hop a Stairmaster, ex-boyfriends are tired, older men at Urge are the last bonbon left in the box, dirty things happen downstairs, men are picked up from boredom at Phoenix (what a way to cruise), SBNY, Big Cup and Roxy are passe (except for guys who enjoy going to these places?we can't all be au courant queers), a Chelsea queen isn't worth semen in the sack because he works for a silly home-improvement magazine. In addition to being a slut, Mr. Carbone is also a prude and a snob. Why else would he have so many ex-boyfriends?

I received a bang from the piece by Ned Vizzini in the same issue. Xeroxed the article to hang on the bulletin boards of a couple of gay bars in Chelsea and highlighted the line that read, "...it is embarrassing to have a large [penis], or to cope with a large one." What planet is your writer living on? The problem ignored by Mr. Vizzini is that most men don't know how to use their large penises, so they feel guilty about their endowment. If a straight or gay man from any social class feels embarrassed about his equipment then he needs to consider (1) a sex change or (2) castration. As a guy experienced with both sexes I can vouch that a large penis, even one wrapped for action in a tight Trojan or LifeStyles condom, elicits more worshipping than Sunday services at St. Bartholomew's.

Dick Topping, Manhattan

Hope Springs

MUGGER: You share with my brother, mother and sister a hopeless devotion to the Red Sox. As a Yankee fan growing up in Newton, MA, in the 50s and 60s, I felt at times the tug of the Sox, especially in '65-'67, but somehow managed to maintain my primary loyalty to the Yankees. This year should be much fun, especially if both teams can keep it up through the summer. Alas, I find it hard to believe that the Sox will be more than roadkill by September. I share wholeheartedly your sentiments about Canseco, steroids and kids. I like boomers as much as anyone (do you remember The Boomer?), but this is ridiculous.

Doug Levene, Wilton, CT

You Mean It?

I really enjoyed Ben Sisario's Manowar piece ("Music," 5/15). You know, what could be funnier than a handfulla dumb musicians from a dead-end town like Buffalo actually having a successful band for almost 20 years!! Loved the Twisted Sister comparison by the way?did you see that PMRC movie on VH1 recently? Hilarious! And that Billboard article about "de"-fanged metal dinosaurs from the 80s now earning major cash for Viacom? The shit! After reading the article I called up my buddy over at Warners and we're thinking about making a Manowar movie starring Jack Black as Eric Adams!! Wouldn't that fucking rule!! Once again, from the fat tattooed VJ (can't remember his name, but he rules!) to the Press' dope music coverage, New York sets the pace for us all to follow. I'm gonna go look for that Heston Rifle record ("Music," 5/15). Like you said, this classic rock revival stuff is gettin' old!!

Dustin Rogue, West Hollywood, CA

Duane's Saucy Unkindness

MIKE Signorile: Just a quick e-mail to say "Way to go!" by once again exposing the hypocrisy of Andrew Sullivan and Matt Drudge ("The Gist," 5/29). These two evil right-wing queens need to be exposed for their nasty ways. Thank God there are still ethical journalists around who aren't controlled by the vast right-wing conspiracy! Keep up the good work.

Duane Soucy-Kindness, Montreal

Heavy Stone

Thank you for Laurie Stone's review of The Sexual Life of Catherine M. ("Books," 5/29). As usual, Stone doesn't try to reduce her subject to what is manageable and explicable, but revels in her complexity, and adds several layers of complexity herself. Stone's piece is, I suspect, as provocative as Millet's book.

Enid Futterman, Craryville, NY

Even Us?

Re the Summer Guide introduction (5/22). I am all for First Amendment rights?I marched for Nazis' right to speak, and I will even defend your rights. And, as a reader since the 80s, I want to be able to find my New York Press easily, on the street. But get with the program. Your resistance to the regulation of newsboxes is a mistake. You are old enough to "work within the system." There is no possibility that the Press is afraid of losing some corporate welfare in the form of rent-free street space, is there?

Keeping your green boxes out of crosswalks and bus stops, or anywhere they are likely to obstruct pedestrian traffic, is a no-brainer. My local neighborhood rag, small as it is, has agreed to a voluntary code adopted by the major newspaper publishers in the city to do just that. What's so confusing about a rule that says weigh down the box, but don't bolt it to the sidewalk or chain it to a pole? The cheapo real estate giveaways can do it, why can't New York Press? (Could it be that it would hinder that guy you hired to steam-clean your boxes from doing it out in the middle of 2nd Ave.? I kid you not!)

My local sheet even brags on page one that it wants us to inform them if their boxes have been moved into a restricted position, and they provide a hotline. I will be happy to enter a similar phone number into my speed dial for errant Press boxes. The good public relations is well worth setting up an additional voicemail line.

Oh yeah, and please tell Ned Vizzini to stop flushing his condoms ("Summer Guide," 5/22). The garbage can is for his unneeded bagged sperm, the toilet for other body effluents. The plumbing in the places he haunts will appreciate it, and the guys at the sewage plant will too. Chill, Ned, mama won't be there to mop up the flood.

Paul Sheridan, Brooklyn

The editors reply: We like hearing from such a longtime reader, but Sheridan's logic is screwy. All publishers with streetboxes in the city voluntarily endeavor to keep their boxes from obstructing pedestrian flow?not just his "local neighborhood rag" that brags about it. When was the last time Sheridan saw a box set in the middle of a wheelchair access ramp? Also, New York Press' newer plastic boxes, like some other publishers', are in fact already weighted down.

The point is, most publishers don't need the city to force us to act in ways we already do. The restrictions and regulations proposed in City Councilwoman Moskowitz's misguided and unconstitutional bill go far beyond the false issue of maintaining unobstructed pedestrian walkways. That isn't even the bill's primary aim. It's a clean-up-the-streets campaign, and its backers will, if allowed, remove all newspaper boxes from the streets of the city, as well as all newsstands. We wonder if that's a New York City Sheridan would really feel comfortable living in.

Pot Outs Kettle

Mike Signorile: I think your latest column concerning Drudge's disclosure (or, "outing" of a sort, if you will) of David Brock's brief institutionalization makes a number of valid points, particularly concerning how the Drudge story was used in a couple of other media venues ("The Gist," 5/29). On the other hand, I think some of your other observations concerning the disclosure by Drudge are a bit lacking in credibility given your occasional disclosures about certain public figures' previously undisclosed homosexuality. I'm not sure that you've demonstrated a sufficient difference in the Drudge/Brock case from some of your outings back in the 90s. I think that in both sets of cases the disclosures were not appropriate.

Terry Hinshaw, Miami Beach

Bill Wears Her Out

MUGGER: Thanks for a very perceptive column on Bill Kristol (5/29). Yes, he is intelligent. However, he is so unpredictable that he appears, at times, unstable. In fact, he is nerve-wracking to listen to because of the illogical twists his mind takes. He creates a tension, oftentimes unnecessarily, because it always seems there is another shoe to drop. And there is something very David Brockish about his need to be the center of attention.

My awareness of Bill Kristol goes back to when he was Dan Quayle's chief of staff. He was at that time a petty, paranoid tyrant. He is that typical great employee who makes a terrible boss. Recently, he seems to be brimming with frustration verging on rage. He has developed a desperate, sarcastic edge that is not attractive and is not just annoying, but actually off-putting. Much of his verbiage hints at global catastrophe if his advice is not heeded. Gadzooks, some days he sounds like a nut! He wants so badly to be important, yet I suspect being chief of staff to the VP may have been his power zenith.

For years I forgave many of his lapses because of respect for his parents. But he has long since used up any residual goodwill from that source. Now I find I avoid him entirely. He wears me out with his hysterical rants. I click or turn the page. I don't know what motivates him anymore. And I don't trust him anymore. Thanks for listening. You performed a valuable service today.

Mary Graham, Portland, OR

Pass the Bud, Dude

MUGGER: Shitfuck, let's pound the Budweiser (5/29). I loved Ball Four, a classic, no matter what Gene Brabender or a bunch of whiny Yankee pukes thought of it. But Bouton is a perpetual child, and children have been known to throw tantrums to get attention. As for Jose Canseco, what can one say? He's a beauty.

As for steroids, out here on the Left Coast Barry Bonds went from a skin-and-bones (like Daddy) 180 pounds to a 235-pound linebacker in a few years. Maybe he was working out with Caminiti. And Barry's JFK, squirrel-cheeks-full-of-nuts look? Just Minute Made, the juice of champions.

The bullpen is probably okay for Oliver, as long as he comes in with the Sox down at least six. I guess my original idea, imprisonment in an abandoned coal mine, was probably a little harsh. But it came to me in the top of the fifth two Sundays ago. Perhaps a few lessons at the Manny Ramirez school of sliding would be in order. Like you, it would be nice to see if Fossum has the goods, but Grady Little seems to be gun shy when it comes to young players. And, please, oh please, won't someone break at least one of Jose Offerman's arms?

Larry Dempsey, Modesto, CA

Murrow's Furrow

MIKE Signorile: Grove, Drudge and Kurtz ("The Gist," 5/29). I was raised on Murrow and Shirer; the axis as a group wouldn't make a wart on Murrow's ass. Keep writing, I love it.

Sheldon Hodges, Seattle

Brock's BS

Michelangelo Signorile: I don't read Drudge, but can certainly spot a lying poser and David Brock is just that. Not much in his book checks out, and if you blindly praise his truth-challenged ramblings, more fool you.

Diane Schwartz, San Diego

Howie Rides Bareback

MIKE Signorile: Great article concerning David Brock! Interestingly, you're the first person I've noticed in print who's caught onto the cozy relationship between "barebacks" and Howard Kurtz! I noticed (and e-mailed Kurtz to no avail) this peculiarity a couple of months ago, as in "why 24-7 Sullivan and one Conason citation per year?"

Eric Gumpricht, Denver

Kristolnacht

Golly gee, MUGGER, you must be really mad at that renegade Bill Kristol and all those other guys who want to inquire into 9/11 (5/29). Not a word about good food and fun outings with the boys. Miss that.

Helen Weber, Oklahoma City

O-Kay

MUGGER: On your comment that Michael Kay is unbearable because he always says "See ya!" when the Yanks hit a home run (5/29), I think you are being a Red Sox partisan. In fact, when I watch games on other channels, I often wish the commentators were more like Kay. If you actually watch an entire Yankee game with Kay, you'll see he says those types of things for whoever hits a home run, whether or not they're on the Yanks. He does the same with strikeouts and great defensive plays. Contrast him with the announcers for the Braves on Turner's network; every time I watch, I feel like Tiger Woods is warming up in the bullpen. Same thing goes for the Mets. No matter what happens, these guys are in monotone, even if it's a home run. I'd much rather hear "Back, back, back, see ya!!!" than "Whoa, that was hit hard, Andruw Jones runs to the wall, but he's not going to get it, and the Padres go up two runs to nothing here in the bottom of the fifth..."

Ramon Pagan, Manhattan

Vichy II

MUGGER: Has France surrendered to Al Qaeda yet?

John R. McCormick, Brockport, NY

Drudgery

MIKE Signorile: Great job on your latest about Drudge, Brock and The Washington Post ("The Gist," 5/29)! I found it linked on Cursor.org.

Madeleine Begun Kane, Queens

Call Them Crazy

Mike Signorile: I usually take Matt Drudge with a grain of salt; about all I carried away from his story about David Brock?the man's breakdown, the man's stay in an institution and his recent book?is that when conservatives go crazy, they become leftists.

John McCall, Coppell, TX

Oh, Sure, We Get It

MUGGER: Hypocrisy is described as a government institution that can't account for $17.5 billion in the U.S. budget, investigating Enron and Andersen for poor accounting systems. I call it the murderers on death row investigating the rising crime rate.

Kenneth Parady, Grand Rapids, MI

What's the Frequency, Coop?

Maybe some can understand that the best of big-league baseball catchers know that their ace relievers are going to throw it close enough to the plate so that the ump will call it a strike, or, at least, the pitchers will throw "junk pitches" that look good until they get to the strike zone?then the "bottom falls out" and the batters miss, pop up or strike out.

All the best baseball catchers know that the best pitchers can only try to do these things?and can only, under the best of circumstances, just hope to be in the right place at the right time. And then hope some idiot in the stands doesn't interfere with play on the field for a $4.50 baseball and a few minutes of phony glory.

It's always a judgment call, and the nut knows ahead of time what he's going to do, for whatever stupid "glory" he has in mind. George has one up his sleeve. They lie to us! All the time.

Bob Cooper, Irving, TX

Talkin' B-ball with Harley

MUGGER: Well, you got your wish, and not a moment too soon (5/15). Oliver's in the bullpen where he belongs. And you're right, Fossum was the better choice. Look, this is the best season in memory, the Yankees and the Red Sox are as good and as well-matched as they've ever been. But I still think it comes down to two things. (1) The Red Sox bullpen simply cannot match up with the Yankees'. That's probably why Fossum stays put. But I'm not sure any team can match up with Karsay/Stanton/Rivera right now, unless El Guapo finds what he seems to have lost. (2) The other big difference between the two teams is the absolute lack of prospects in the Red Sox organization, and the usual trade fodder the Yankees always seem to have on hand. The Red Sox cannot make the big move they may need. The Yankees can and will (I'm betting Brian Giles is on his way east, but who knows?). Now if we can just avoid a soul-killing strike.

Harley Peyton, Hollywood, CA

Block That Horrible Metaphor, Please

MUGGER: I saw the interview Jim Rome conducted with Jose Canseco about his retirement from baseball, his alleged "blackballing" by the owners and his upcoming book that Canseco says will expose the real truth about today's players and owners.

As I watched the interview, I couldn't help but think about what he was preparing to tell the public about players "juicing" with vitamin S. I know it is going on at the college level and that it has had a profound effect on an already offensive-minded style of play. Professional baseball must surely be suffering from the same malaise. Canseco's upcoming book will probably be a muddled mixture of fact and fiction, but the overlying truth will slap a fart out of the naive public. Prepare for a plethora of horror stories from Jose.

As for Mike Signorile ("The Gist," 5/29): Matt Drudge, Andrew Sullivan, you? Who cares?

Tracy Meadows, Brenham, TX

Don't Mention It

Russ Smith: I know you haven't heard from me in a good while, and I apologize; real life has a nasty habit of interfering with my letter-writing. But I saw Rev. Father Daniel Maurer's letter ("The Mail," 5/15) and simply had to dash off a note.

Your smartassed "response" headers on letters in "The Mail" get on my nerves at least as often as they amuse me, but the one you put on his letter, "Blinded by Faith," couldn't possibly have been more on target. Father Daniel tells your columnist Mike Signorile, "do yourself a favor and get in touch with reality: do not think that the Catholic Church will ever change its teachings that (1) homosexuality is a fundamental disorder and (2) any sex act outside of heterosexual marriage is always objectively, gravely sinful."

He may well be right in that the church will never change these misguided teachings, and I fear for it and its worldwide flock, particularly here in the U.S., if this is indeed so. But there are those within the church as well as, like me, outside it who are trying to change them, nonetheless, and also to do something about those idiotic rules forbidding marriage among clergy and women priests while they're at it. I should know?my girlfriend and her whole "renegade" parish are among them. A rock can withstand many things, she points out, but water can wear away at it over enough time. Father Daniel should know there are many, many others who believe they, too, are "speaking the truth in love" to recalcitrant conservative church leaders such as he.

Maurer also claims that "[the Church] has the perfect mechanism to ensure that its teachings are always true. It is called infallibility and it resides in the official teaching authority (magisterium) of the Church, that is, the college of bishops with its head, the bishop of Rome as successor of Peter." I've always wondered how that works. Do these guys suddenly become no longer human, mortal and fallible the instant they don a miter? The church's founding may have been inspired by Jesus' teachings (I can give you a whole argument as to his alleged divinity, but that's for another day), but it is still run by ordinary men who are, I submit, no more "infallible" than any of us except by hierarchical fiat. The present scandal in the American church is rather graphic evidence of their falling far short of perfection.

I wonder, too, who conducted these "objectively conducted studies" Father Daniel mentions that he claims show gay clergy "three times more likely" than straight to commit illicit activity with children. Was it the church? Or someone in its employ as a contractor? He does not do us the courtesy of saying. Until he's willing to reveal the source of his data and its funding, I think it's fair to consider his conclusions suspect.

Finally, he says he has not read the entire text of Monsignor Eugene Clark's incendiary sermon at St. Patrick's last month. Does he know Clark personally? If not, having not even read the text, how can he be so sure what Clark did or didn't say? A little surfing on the Internet before he wrote would doubtless have pointed him to any number of sources for the original text, and he could have looked a lot more intelligent in his criticism.

I am having to decamp from New York for now due to financial problems, but I plan to keep in touch with New York Press via the Web and copies picked up on occasional visits. Keep on putting it out there and best wishes to you all, and thanks for six years of thought-provoking weekly reading.

Matt G. Leger, Philadelphia