Dear Mark, Im dating this guy whos not that smart. He told me hes never read a book and never bothered to learn long division. I really like him thoughwhat can I do to feel like were on the same intellectual level?
First of all, you should be careful how you define your man. Is the problem that he isnt smart, or that he isnt curious? Because not bothering to read or solve math problems could be a sign of laziness, not sheer stupidity.
If theres something about your boyfriends mind that turns you onand Im assuming there must be, unless your entire relationship is based on hot monkey lovethen why dont you get him talking about the things hes interested in? If you dont know much about his favorite subject, ask him questions.
If youre experts in the same things, start a debate. Even better, let him know what youre interested in. Ask him to read a book that matters to you, as a way of getting to know you better.
And if all else fails, tell him it would turn you on to see him nerd it up.T.I.s song Whatever You Like gives you the perfect segue: Next time its on the radiowhich will be 15 seconds from nowwait for the part where T.I. says, Shawty you da hottest/ Love the way you drop it/ Brain so good/ Swore you went to college.
Thats your in:Tell your man that you are like T.I.You also like a good brain. (And not in the slangy way.) Is that a cheap ploy? Yes. But if the promise of library nookie doesnt get him reading, then your man will never be a scholar. Its best to know now. And what if he doesnt use his brain? Or what if he really is dumb? You need to accept that and not judge him for it. Does this guy have enough good qualities to make you like him anyway? If so, then focus on them. But if you think the lack of witty banter will eventually make you crazy, then break it off now. Somewhere, theres a hunky man in eyeglasses who can give you whatever you like. ------
Dear Mark, I have a doga Chow that I am completely in love with.The problem is that my boyfriend is nuts for her also, to the point where sending her out into the hall when its time to get romantic is out of the question. It creeps me out to do it while shes in the room, but she cries when I kick her out, and he thinks Im a jerk.What is a girl to do? Her snoring is unbearable not to mention a major distraction!
I dont think poochies got a leg to stand on. (Or shake with. Ha!) If you feel weird having sex with your pet in the room, then send her packing. Is it going to kill her to be outside for 20 minutes (or 60 if youre lucky)? No. It isnt. She can use that time for personal pursuits like barking at the cat in the apartment across the alley.
And Ive got to believe your boyfriend doesnt begrudge your humans only sex policy. Any partner worth keeping is going t put your needs above the dogs. If your fella really takes chooses her over your sexual needs, then youve got some intimacy issues to sort through.
If you state your antidog case and your man doesnt listen, it may be time for a Paula Abdul intervention.Theres a song on Forever Your Girl called One or the Other, in which Paula gives her twotiming man an ultimatum.
You can only have one or the other, she says. Is it gonna be her, or is it gonna be me? Substitute your dog for the other woman, and youre in pretty much the same place. Dont be afraid to draw the line. ------
Now Id like to share a question I asked myself last week: Dear Mark, Im thrilled that Obama got elected, but Im scorchingly disappointed about Prop 8 and the other anti-gay legislation that just got voted into law. How can I celebrate our new president and his promise of change without choking on all that homophobia?
me, I understand your dilemma, but first and foremost, we should look at Nov. 4 as proof that things are getting better.When my parents were children in the south, they drank from different water fountains than black children.Things have changed.
And despite the hatefulness of laws like Proposition 8, look at how different life is for gay Americans in 2008 than it was in 1998, in 1968. A setback in California (or Florida, or Arkansas or Arizona) does not signal the death of gay rights.
Think about how many defeats America endured on its way to electing a black president.There were (and are) racist laws and racist people fighting every movement forward.There will always be stones in the road, but they cannot stop progress.
Dont laugh, but I take solace in You Cant Stop the Beat from the Broadway version of Hairspray. The opening line says, You cant stop the avalanche when its racing down the hill, and thats right.You cant. In Hairspray, the avalanche is a landslide of power for the disenfranchised.The show concludes with black people, overweight people, poor people, women, drag queens and kids grabbing the authority that had previously belonged to white, straight, rich oldsters who didnt want anything to change.
You Cant Stop the Beat is their battle cry. Even better, the song doesnt villainize the vanquished. In the Broadway musical, the final verse lets the bad guys (racist Velma von Tussle and her classist daughter) sing their own verse. Instead of getting pushed off the stagelike they do in the film versionthe von Tussles become part of the empowerment party.
Thats the kind of change I can believe in:The kind of change that makes room for everyone.The kind of change that doesnt elevate one group of people at the expense of another.
Thats the kind of change I think is coming, and it will eventually right the wrongs of those homophobic laws.