Teachers gone bad and old ladies gone wild.

The Other Side of School Violence

Since the start of the school year there's been a lot of screeching, both in the press and from the mayor's office, regarding school violence. It's an epidemic, we're told?a veritable plague. Each minor infraction is held up as yet one more bit of evidence that these kids today are completely out of control: They're animals, they're savage monsters who care nothing about life, property or simple human decency.

And there's no denying there's something to that. We've heard too many teachers tell too many stories about what things are like in the hallways and the classrooms every single day. Things do sound like they're out of control in New York's public schools.

But we've noticed there's something else going on in the schools, too?something just as disturbing, if not more so.

For generations now, adults have been saying that kids are out of control?but what about the teachers, the janitors, the coaches and the administrators? Hardly a week goes by when there's not a new story about a teacher who's been busted for groping or stalking or downloading kiddie porn.

Late last week, the Department of Education released figures that showed that there's been a marked increase in the number of arrests of school employees over the past year.

In 2003, 423 teachers were arrested?more than one per day?along with 46 bus drivers and 174 teacher's aides. In all, over 1,500 school employees were busted for crimes ranging from drug dealing to assault to rape. That's 200 more arrests than in 2002. And those are just the actual arrests; it doesn't take into account those teachers who made the news and lost their jobs after making some ill-advised offhanded remark, or those who simply haven't been caught yet.

Yet for all this, we haven't seen anyone holding up each new case of a teacher caught trafficking kiddie porn as part of any larger trend, the way they do with each schoolyard fracas. You don't hear anyone talking about the epidemic of all those teachers molesting students or selling pills between classes. Despite the rising numbers, it's not perceived as a plague or a generalized crisis of any kind. Instead, each case is treated individually?just one more instance of the twisted actions of a sick individual.

Why is that, do you suppose? One simple answer would be to say it's a case of us vs. them?that we as a culture are so afraid of our kids that we're willing to give teachers the benefit of the doubt. After all, look at what they have to put up with every day for what they're paid. Who wouldn't start popping pills? (Admit it?when you heard about that teacher punching that 12-year-old hooligan in the face last week, you were thrilled.) As for the molesters, well, there are bound to be a few bad apples in a barrel that big. We rationalize it however we can (usually by turning a blind eye to the problem) in order to let them off the hook. After all, if they don't babysit our kids all day, who will?

In 2002, Brooklyn Borough Pres. Marty Markowitz inaugurated a program with the DOT that attempted to infuse "Welcome to Brooklyn" signs with a little Brooklyn attitude.

Soon the new road signs began dotting various bridges and off ramps. "Welcome to Brooklyn: Believe the Hype!" read one. "Welcome to Brooklyn: How Sweet it Is!" read another.

The DOT rejected Markowitz' plan to erect a "Leaving Brooklyn: Fugheddaboudit" sign, out of fear that it would offend Italians, but Markowitz put it up anyway. This week it was announced that the DOT had likewise rejected his proposed "Leaving Brooklyn: Oy Vey!" signs for the Manhattan-bound lanes of the Williamsburg Bridge.

We think the problem here is that the borough president is being too exclusionary. Brooklyn, after all, is a melting pot containing all sorts of thin-skinned cultures, each of which deserves its own stereotype-confirming slogan emblazoned across a "Welcome to Brooklyn" sign. Here are a few ideas Markowitz might want to consider for the future:

Welcome to Brooklyn: Ah, so! With three you get soda!

Welcome to Brooklyn: Undele, undele! Arriva, arriva!

Welcome to Brooklyn: Shit be lookin' good, yo!

Welcome to Brooklyn: This is not a lending library.

Welcome to Brooklyn: They're always after me Lucky Charms!

Welcome to Brooklyn: Sieg Heil!

Welcome to Brooklyn: My friend, Allah is the only God.

Or perhaps Markowitz would do best to rely on something a bit more universal: Welcome to Brooklyn: Fuck You.

CRIME BLOTTER Crime For Young and Old Alike!

The old ladies were getting uppity this week.

A gray-haired woman with a few problems beyond arthritis made what was described as a "feeble" attempt to rob an Upper West Side bank on Monday, Jan. 12th.

The teller looked at the note, then looked at the mumbly, pathetic ol' gal who'd passed it to her, then shrugged, picked up the phone and called the cops. Security guards then helped Ms. Abby Lieberman up against the wall.

Lieberman, it was discovered, lived in a nice doorman building a few blocks away, but still spent her days panhandling. Her neighbors in the building said she's nuts, so just to make sure, police brought her to Bellevue before booking her.

That same morning, a long-running feud between two Prospect Heights ladies took an unexpected turn.

Seventy-six-year-old Odessa Lynch was trying to get into her building, but found the way blocked by her upstairs neighbor, Vanessa Walker. As Lynch tried to step around her, Walker dumped a bucket of water over her head. The elderly Lynch, now quite damp, went into her second-floor apartment with Walker in hot pursuit. When Lynch picked up the phone to call for help, Walker socked her in the face, knocked her down and threatened to kill her if the cops were notified.

Well, the cops were notified anyway.

It wasn't just old people having all the fun last week. The youngsters were at it again, too, with lots of siblings paying the price.

The curiously-named (given circumstances) Richard Thompson, 20, beat his sister up in Cypress Hills Jan. 11. The two were having quite a heated argument when Thompson started swinging. Although details remain fuzzy, the argument arose over a CD. Perhaps he made her listen to Shoot Out the Lights one too many times.

Anyway, when cops showed up, they found a bag of pot in his pocket, so he got busted for that, too.

The day after Christmas, 24-year-old Staten Islander Jessica Linares was really pissed at her sister, Vanessa. So much so that she went and got her friend Deseree, and the two of them tracked Vanessa down. Then, right there on the corner, they beat the crap out of her. Police finally arrested the pair on Jan. 13.

Apparently no pot was found in that bust, but there was plenty to be found after a fire broke out in Highland Park a day later. Perhaps it was all those smiling firemen battling the garage fire on Miller Avenue, but there was definitely something in the air that led cops to take a peek inside once the fire was out.

It turns out someone had quite the hydroponic operation going on in there. Too bad whomever it was didn't invest a little bit more in his heat lamps, one of which blew out, causing the fire.

And hey, ever felt like killing your boss? Professional movers Johnny Hernandez, Kile Anderson and James Alicea sure did!