Thank you, really

Thanks a bunch, chico, for staring at our girlfriend's ass and grinding against her at the club on Friday night. We hope it was worth it, because when you got bitchslapped later—first by that other guy, then by us—you sure did look like an idiot. Oh, and thank you, staff at the Bulgarian bar, for having our backs when we left after the fight. (We're serious about that second one.)