The Blotter

| 11 Nov 2014 | 12:04

    GUTTER BALL Chinatown's poor, besieged Abacus Bank just can't seem to catch a break. Last year, rumors of embezzlement and insolvency led hundreds of customers to make a run on the bank to withdraw their savings. Then two weekends ago, old-style boxmen armed with a blowtorch carved a gaping hole through the steel walls of the vault and made off with more than $200,000 worth of valuables from several safe-deposit boxes.

    The following day, there was another run.

    On Sunday, March 21, Harlem resident Nancy Jordan got into a fight with her boyfriend. The incensed Jordan stormed from the apartment, stomped down the street and bought a gallon of "flammable liquid." Sensing that something might be awry, her boyfriend called the police while she was out. Before they arrived, however, Jordan returned to her apartment, splashed the gas (or whatever it was) around and set the place ablaze.

    The FDNY was able to contain the fire, and no one was seriously hurt. Jordan was charged with second-degree arson and assault. It's unknown whether a reconciliation with her boyfriend is in the works.

    As if we needed any more proof that the jury system has outlived its usefulness, on March 22, a jury in Brooklyn found Judith St. Hillaire innocent of criminally negligent homicide in the death of her three-year-old son. They apparently bought St. Hillaire's story that she didn't call a doctor—despite the child's 105-degree temperature—because the voodoo curse placed on her by a neighbor prevented her from doing so. Though she will serve no jail time, St. Hillaire will be required to take parenting classes, and perhaps acquire a magic amulet or two.

    In gun news: Sillyass Anthony Clarke, 21, is facing weapons charges after getting all scared and accidentally shooting himself in the leg during a Times Square screening of Dawn of the Dead Wednesday night.

    In wig-out news: On Thursday, a 52-year-old HIV patient at a Brooklyn hospital went ape shit, leapt off her gurney and attacked the nurse. The patient reportedly stated that she wanted to "spread the disease."

    And our Criminal of the Week Award goes to 69-year-old Douglas Stiff of East New York. Stiff was arrested Monday night after dropping a 16-pound bowling ball from the balcony of his 17th-floor apartment, narrowly missing three officers in the courtyard below.

    Inside Stiff's apartment, the officers discovered a second bowling ball on the balcony and a pair of binoculars around his neck. Minutes before the incident, Stiff called 911 to report a robbery. It's unclear if this was just a clever ploy to lure policemen to the building.

    After his psychiatric evaluation, he was charged with attempted murder, attempted assault, reckless endangerment and criminal possession of a weapon. As it happens, Stiff has served time on two previous weapons possession charges. One case involved a Whiffle Ball; the other, a Jart.