The Return of Phone Sex

I got into phone sex last May after I started my novel.

This was my first venture into phone sex. I may have talked suggestively to old girlfriends on the phone, but never in a formal phone sex session. When I mean formal, I mean with a stranger-either by paying for it or through a personal ad. I'm sure some of you are seeing the term "phone sex" and snickering.

No one wants to admit to having it-and yet, somehow, phone sex brings in roughly $4.5 billion annually, according to Internet statistics compiled by MSNBC and Alexa Research. In addition, personal-ad sites frequently have postings for phone sex. Not to mention the myriad conversations I've had with fellow men who've met girls over the Internet, had phone sex and then actually hooked up. That's not to mention the committed couples who may be separated from one another and on a lonely night, talk dirty to each other.

So let's not kid ourselves. If it's not you who is having phone sex, someone near you is.

As I was saying, I started having phone sex in roughly the early part of the summer last year. I was a month or so into my novel. Suddenly, without my knowing it, I discovered that I had become isolated and lonely. At the time, I didn't think to attribute it to my writing; I simply thought I was just a dysfunctional guy unable to have a real relationship. And yet, I had physical needs that needed attending to.

So I placed an ad on an Internet site and found Shelly. Shelly lives on the West Coast.

That first phone-sex session was nothing extraordinary. We basically talked each other into an orgasm. She supposedly wore black lingerie, and I had nothing on but a flannel shirt. We didn't exchange pictures; we didn't even use names. However, Shelly and I began having phone sex at least once a week. Not long after, I placed another ad. And that's when I found Gora.

She was a Russian girl from New Jersey. Although it took a few phone conversations to get it going, we eventually had phone sex. We had something of a system wherein I'd e-mail her every few days, we'd chat online, and then I'd call. Gora liked to have some lingerie on and she also liked lying on her back with her feet flat on the bed. Sometimes I was able to get her on her knees. For me, she had a thing about giving me a blowjob while she looked into my eyes. This was extremely rewarding, since she sent me photographs of just her eyes.

When 'Virtual' Gets Real One night, Gora and I had a quick dinner in the East Village and soon enough we were at my apartment. This was a fantasy come true; a girl I'd been having phone sex with was now in my apartment. She was bashful about actually being physical with me so I told her, "Why don't we pretend we're on the phone. I'll sit on this side of the room and you sit there?"

So we did. We talked to each other just as we'd done on the phone. After about five minutes of that, I had her strip, and she did the same to me. We were enjoying all the fruits of our conversations.

Meanwhile, I was moving ahead with my novel. In fact, that summer I made a great amount of progress on it. I was putting in about three hours per day. At the same time, I was experiencing intense frustration and loneliness, this feeling that my novel was a hopeless endeavor. I was not aware how much of me spiritually and emotionally was being poured into those pages. The novel, compounded with my freelance work, left me in need of an out.

Shelly and I had a nice system too. The only problem with Shelly was that, being on the West Coast, she and I had to speak late at night. But I managed; I mean; I managed all right. One night, after we'd both fell back into ecstasy after two explosive orgasms, Shelly and I got to talking. We discussed the intricacies of dating on both coasts; I told her about my book and that I was a writer.

We also figured out that neither of us drank. The fact that we didn't drink made it possible to have great sex on a Saturday night, when the rest of the world was out drunk. But something curious happened to Shelly and me. We actually started having phone conversations without having phone sex, and in a short time, maybe a few months, by last fall, we were officially friends and no longer phone sex partners.

Gora, meanwhile, had faded away, shortly after two more in-person interludes. During all this, I got an assignment to do an article on dominatrices. It paid pretty well and I didn't know much about domination, so I signed on and started my research.

With Gora gone and Shelly now a friend, and my novel and loneliness in full swing, I stumbled onto phone-sex domination. It initially came out of an interview with a dom on the West Coast. I soon found there were several phone sex domination sites, such as essentiallyjane.com, phonesexcentral.com, lady kaylee, and my favorite, cockcontrol.com.

I decided that the best phone sex was with total strangers. And because I was still working on my book, even more feverishly that fall, I phoned a sex site. For a mere $20 I was able to have intense phone sex with a professional. I tried various sites, with various girls who panted loudly in my ear, to the point of yelling. In many instances, I was turned off and couldn't even finish. I soon found enjoyment with cockcontrol.com; and I got friendly with the head mistresses, Ally, who told me she gets about 1,100 calls a month.

So I didn't feel so alone. The phone sex I had with doms was exactly what I had needed.

Sex Without Love-Or Thought While I was busy writing my book, developing my relationship with my characters, discovering the plot and storyline, I became engaged in a weekly session with a woman who actually took control of my sexuality. I no longer had to think about sex. It provided me with a brief distraction, and more importantly, the inspiration of being with a woman sexually. I was too exhausted with the book to develop any other real relationship.

Late last November, while I was experimenting with phone sex domination, I decided to place another ad on a personals site and I found Jill. When she responded to my ad and we got on the phone, she was high on cocaine. I found it sad, since I remembered my cocaine days, but we went ahead and had great phone sex anyway. Eventually, Jill landed in my apartment-at which time we did everything we had only talked about on the phone, including going shopping for a vibrator for me to use on her. But like Gora, Jill went by the wayside.

Last February, I woke up and discovered that I had completed my novel. It came to 600 pages. A great sigh of relief came over me. My body seemed to be lifted. And I was all too excited to call Shelly. Shelly had become, and is to this day, a dear friend. And besides the myriad of friends who had been supporting me, I was even able to share the excitement with my mistresses at cockcontrol, who had kept me in line during this writing process.

Not a week or so after I completed the first draft of the book, I met a nice girl. And then I met two other nice girls. I am now dating women again. What happened? It wasn't until the first draft was finished that I realized that the book had become a relationship, leaving no room in my life for anyone else.

And although phone sex has been replaced with new relationships, next month I will be spending time at a beach house to do the edits necessary for my novel to go to an agent. Could this mean another period of isolation and loneliness? If so, I'll know just what to do.