THIS JUST IN from the Humane Society of the United ...

from the Humane Society of the United States: "Jews are filthy animals!" Actually, let's not just give the Humane Society credit for that deep thought. Honors also go to Todd Oldham, Montel Williams, Lisa Ling, Melissa Rivers and all the other cretins serving as judges in the United States International Design Competition to "stop the use of Fur Trim in Fashion!"

Content to let PETA corner the market in supporting domestic terrorism, the Humane Society has decided to celebrate the adoption of every living puppy and kitten by joining the crusade against fur. They're aligned with the Fund for Animals, the Fur Free Alliance and a bunch of other kooks-including the make-up chain UTOWA, whose W. 18th St. location is hosting this assortment of public service announcements about the evils of fur trim. It's kind of fitting, though, since the place looks like Mr. Haney's idea of a really cool nightclub.

Now, to be fair, these ads are made by students of design and advertising. Back when I was worming my way into that biz, I scored a cheap honor with an ad based on the evils of Alar-about a decade after that pesticide's alleged harms had been revealed as an environmental scam. It was easy. All I had to do was demonstrate a good leftist disregard for the truth.

Let's assume the students who competed here are just as lazy. There are certainly some D+ efforts, including "Killer Shoes" and "Isn't She Just to Die For?" Other ads muddy the issue by asserting that fur trim sometimes consists of cats and dogs. Sure, if you're buying shoddy product from the Far East. Those should really be ads supporting proud, ethical furriers. I also like the ad that uses cute baby foxes to proclaim, "Even a small life is still a life." First of all, furriers have already figured out that it's best to let the animal get kind of big before you take its fur. At least this aspiring copy hack can recycle the headline for an anti-abortion ad.

But all this pales beside one very sincere ad. "Hitler wore FUR trimmed coats," we're informed, "and had human skin for his lamp shades." Now, there's some curious moral relativism.

In a scary development, I turn out to be the only writer who's chosen this event over the Troy premiere. I generally never turn down animal-themed events, since it's one of the few times after which I-or, more accurately, my dog-can actually use the items in the gift bag. Anyway, the publicist keeps bringing over evil people who want to talk to me. The grinning Curt Jurgens-lookalike in charge of the Humane Society is standing right in front of the Hitler ad as he says, "There's so much energy and dedication in these young students." Jawohl, mein Kapitan. And so handsome, too!

I'm also threatened with an introduction to "the artist Moby." That's the third time I've heard him formally introduced as "the artist." Is that in his contract? Maybe he's only "the musician" while shilling soundtracks to the ad guys who'll later hire these energetic students.

The winning entry, incidentally, is winsomely pathetic. It's a cute cartoon fox under the headline, "Do You Want a Piece of Me?" Well, yes, I do, especially since the cartoonist endowed this fox with a particularly lush tail. See, Mr. Fox, nobody seems to have told your creator that your fur tends to shed when used as a full garment. Anything more than a piece really wouldn't make much sense. Still, as another headline assures us, "Fur Trim Is Still Fur"-thank God.

Most of the guys in the crowd look like they're against any kind of trim, if you know what I mean. That's no surprise. There's a reason that women in fur are more despised than men in leather. Personally, I've already got my eye on a fashion-oriented mean girl for later in the week-or, rather, the girl behind the one decent thing about Mean Girls, besides that catfight scene that makes the film a pervy classic on the level of My Father. The Hero and Jeepers Creepers.

Specifically, I'm talking about the honestly great power ballad "Built This Way"-as performed by Samantha Ronson, making her proper NYC big-room debut at Roseland opening for J.C. Chasez. The release of Red keeps being postponed, but her presence in Mean Girls gives a hint of why Ronson will be the first Page Six-styled rock royalty to put out a great album.

The sister of celebrity DJ Mark Ronson isn't insulted by the thoughtless classification, either. "Oh, c'mon," she says, "I'm fully aware of how my brother's record came out, and it was, like, here's another privileged kid doing music. I would hate on me if I didn't know me. But I've been working hard, and Roc-A-Fella have definitely put themselves on the line with me. It's a lot of pressure to be the label's first step into that world."

"That world," of course, would be rock, and Damon Dash can rest assured that Samantha's the best such act to emerge from Manhattan since the Star Spangles. (The Damnwells are also pretty great, but Epic's too busy using their promotion money to cover Shakira's eyelash budget.) Samantha's bizarre blend of gutter rock and expensive production would still be amazing even if she weren't a socialite who says things like, "What up?"

The former DJ also has a good excuse for those sins: "I've been at some bad parties, but I was getting paid to be there. I don't care about a bunch of people with a vaguely similar background, all drinking champagne to celebrate the latest Prada collection. I had more fun at this bar in Hattiesburg, MS, with my band than I've had anywhere in New York. It's crazy. I'm a New Yorker to the death, but-damn, it's like downtown Disneyland. Have you been there, where they have the House of Blues and stuff? New York's just downtown Disney."

That's the kind of attitude that will make the British music press grab their beards, stamp their feet and spin into the ground. And for further proof that Ronson is an NYC dreamboat, consider her response to the question of wearing fur: "I don't, but not because I'm politically against it. Fur's annoying, because that shit gets up your nose. I've just never had a need for a fur coat-except maybe for a Halloween costume."

Now, there's a reasonable stance. Let's also note that the only stuff in that Humane Society gift bag was some make-up and a glossy high school magazine called NYCircuit. Not a damn thing for my dog. But then, animal rights is seldom about animals, is it?