This Week's Horoscope.

Gird for battle as your Twin selves duke it out internally this week. One of the gladiators fighting for your future wields virtually all of your most basic, longstanding principles. His opponent in the arena champions some of your best and most outrageous dreams. I don't know who to root for, since the victory of one may help you salvage an ailing relationship, while triumph by the other would almost certainly lead to unprecedented financial opportunity (which Twin's win will yield which result is a secret I'll let you sort out on your own).

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

For months now, you've been pounding fiercely on a certain locked and barricaded door, with almost no sign that the solid barrier would ever give. Lately, there are promising clues that the hinges are primed to crack and shatter, clearing the way to your long-delayed entrance. Unfortunately, along with the coming liberating influence of Gemini's perkily optimistic New Moon, Saturn's overcautious and unduly wary impact is making itself known. Steel yourself against the kind of fear-based reality (ironically described as "realism") Saturn advocates, lest you become too timid to cross the threshold that's only just opened itself to you.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

My sister's favorite childhood prank was to lurk in the hall closet when my dad came home from work. She'd leap out and scream like a banshee when he opened the door to hang his jacket, scaring the shit out of him. It worked again and again; even though she performed this stunt frequently, he never learned to expect her presence. You may identify with my father this week; so preoccupied with other concerns that you get nailed by the same (retrospectively obvious) trick two or three times in a row. Don't kick yourself too hard, though?the things you're working on are important enough to justify a little absent-mindedness. But do spare a little brainpower to prevent being shafted even one more time.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Like the most interesting mutants and superheroes, your powers this week might seem acutely undesirable, as you become enthrallingly irresistible to your enemies and virtually impervious to the seductions of those you purport to love. It's just not a good week to try to secure or solidify partnerships with your friends; it might be better to avoid interaction altogether, since it's more likely to be alienating than alliance-forming. So you get to hang out mostly with your suddenly worshipful foes (swayed by pheromones, cosmic influences or political expedience?chances are, they won't understand it any better than you do). It sorta sucks, but look at it this way: Wouldn't it be great to come out of this chapter with more team members instead of more competition?

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Protect your family jewels?they're the universe's primary target this week. That's the downside?the extreme likelihood that you'll get a swift kick where it hurts the most. Unfortunately, since your injury's likely to be etheric, no amount of chainmail or the kind of protection you can buy in a sporting goods store will do any good. Never fear; there is an upside. You're equally likely to score an empathetic new ally?someone who's so good at soothing your suffering that you might actually be glad you got hurt.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Traditionally, each Scorpio only makes one roundtrip journey to her personal underworld, during which she learns the lessons and acquires the skills she's renowned for. It's this brush with profound darkness that lends Scorps their devastating reputations. Whether or not you've already made your trip to hell and back, you're due for a journey in that direction. Don't worry; you're only going about halfway there, just far enough to point to your private purgatorial pit and say, "Oh yeah, that's where it is." Once you've reminded yourself of its location, you're that much less likely to stumble upon it by accident, and even though you can't put off (or erase the memory of) your trip there forever, you can at least postpone it until you're really ready.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Second time's the charm. Surprisingly, your second sightless swing at the piñata is bound to crack it open, showering you and your friends with a waterfall of cheap candy. But this kind of blind luck can't last; your obviously unguided attempts may have scored two times in a row, but they'd never work thrice. Enjoy the delicious windfalls you've received, but don't expect more of the same. This is no time to slack?instead, you should be brainstorming strategies. Your random luck has just run out. From here on in, at least for a while, you'll have to make your own.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Now that you're beginning to trust your gut a lot more, your deepest instincts may refute or question the more logical, cold choices you made before they came into play. Your intuition, trained and shaped by years of complex, analytical thinking, is sharper than most people's ever gets. Heed it, to a fault, since it's soon to become your dominant internal influence, whether you like it or not. Your other option is to send yourself into a recurring tailspin as you constantly second-guess your own best bets. You can be a semi-clairvoyant cynosure or a vacillating victim of your own conflicting urges. It's your choice.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

The good guys, hemmed in by ethical principles, can't usually play as dirty as the bad guys. They're less likely to exploit their opponents' Achilles' heels while those villains are determined to win at any cost. I mention this because although there's no real change in your range of abilities this week, the spectrum of available options is about to expand. Do your unquestionably good ends justify those morally uncertain means? I can't answer that for you, since maintaining your integrity might cost so much, it'll be all you have left.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Don't get cocky. Even though you're up against opponents as laughable as the Wonder Twins, your arrogance could be your downfall. Don't discount your enemies too quickly. Their absurdly limited abilities couldn't possibly take you down when you're playing your best game; therefore the chief danger is allowing yourself to be distracted enough to not give it your all. It's sort of a weird dichotomy?while your best is ten times more than good enough to get the job done, just a little less could keep you from winning the game.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Reputations can help or hurt; make yours work for you this week. See, everyone thinks they've got you all figured out; you're renowned for unshakeable forthrightness and invariably direct dealings. As laudable as that behavior is, it's a handicap this week, when subtlety is key. You're not capable of outright deviousness; I know this. Luckily, there's no need to resort to dishonesty or ethically questionable manipulation?just a little mystery. That's right?this week is mostly about biting your tongue. Instead of loudly announcing exactly where you're going and what you'll do there, let them guess. Since they'll all guess wrong, you'll be able to do exactly what you want, how you want, with no interference or objection at all.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

You won a weekend with your favorite dynamic duo in the superhero auction. For at least a couple days this week, they'll support and supplement everything you do with their own specialized resources. Even though each on his own is somewhat ridiculous, their synergistic effectiveness is a force to be reckoned with. Use the powers of your shadow allies while you have them, but don't overestimate what you can do, either. To give you some idea what you're capable of: You may not be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, but you can still reach the second story. Stopping bullets with your bare hands is a bit ambitious as well?try dodging them instead.

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